


As Long As There's Sun

by violetclarity



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Brief mention of abortion, Domesticity, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time Topping, Forgiveness, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Past Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced past abusive relationship, Kid Fic, Kissing, Lies of Omission, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Metamorphmagus, Minor Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Minor Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter, Movie Nights, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Remorse, Sexual Hang-Ups, Sharing Confidences, Slow Burn, Teddy Lupin is a bit of a mess, Teddy Lupin's daughter, Temper Tantrums, Transfiguration (Harry Potter), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, academic James Sirius Potter, background Andromeda Tonks/Kingsley Shacklebolt, brief reference to suspected infidelity in the past abusive relationship, drunkenness but not in a habitual way (e.g. no one is an alcoholic), estranged friends/family, family dinners (and brunches), implied past negative sexual experiences, keeping secrets, mention of past parental divorce, mention of past strained parent-child relationship, minor Teddy Lupin/OMC, off-screen Lily Luna/OCs breakup, past Teddy Lupin/OMC, past mpreg - not on screen but remembered/discussed, past unplanned/unwanted pregnancy, polyamorous Lily Luna Potter, reference to past unpleasant pregnancy, reuniting/reconcilliation, self deprecation, self improvement, sibling dynamics, sick kid (as in a cold nothing serious), single parent Teddy Lupin, specific unhealthy coping mechanisms include getting drunk going clubbing and sex with strangers, working through issues, zoo trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 03:51:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 55,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18328064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetclarity/pseuds/violetclarity
Summary: It starts like this: when James is fifteen, Teddy quits Auror training and leaves England. Ten years later, he shows up on James’s doorstep with a baby in his arms.





	1. Prologue & Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this story has been quite the adventure. I’m grateful to everyone who helped me along the way, especially: **aibidil** and **goldentruth813** for cheering me on and answering my questions about kids; **frnklymrshnkly** for alpha-reading this at multiple points in the process; **whiskyandwildflowers** for beta-reading, and **RuArcher** for kid- and brit-picking. Thanks to **goldentruth813** also for organizing Jeddy Fest again this year, giving me the motivation to finally get this finished and posted!
> 
> The title is inspired by the song _Tant Que J’ai Le Soleil_ by MIKA.
> 
>  **A note about the tags:** All the warnings for this story can be found in the tags. Individual chapters have not been tagged with specific content warnings; consider the entire tag list as a blanket CW for the whole story. Please read the tags and proceed accordingly – don’t read if you are uncomfortable with any of the themes listed. If you have specific questions, I am happy to answer them; you may contact me on tumblr or dreamwidth, or via discord, all of which are under the same username (violetclarity).

** Prologue **   
_August 2020_

“Ooo!” James’s eyes widened as he stopped outside Quality Quidditch Supplies, eyeing the latest Nimbus model in the window. Teddy laughed and grabbed him by the arm to pull him away.

“We’re under strict orders from your mum to get school supplies only, remember? You can haggle with your dad for a new broom later.”

James groaned but didn’t argue as Teddy pushed him towards Flourish and Blotts. Then he continued past the doorway and laughed when Teddy stopped, hands on hips, to frown at him.

“I know, I know, school supplies only,” James said, pulling his list out of his pocket. “But you can’t tell me you wouldn’t rather go see what new things Uncle George has at the shop.”

That was true, and the glint in James’s eye said he knew it, but Teddy wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of admitting it. “Look, we can pick up your stuff and then do some window shopping, alright?” he said, plucking the list out of James’s hands as they entered the bookshop. “How long could it– Merlin, James, how many O.W.L.s are you taking?”

James scuffed his heel. “Um. Defense, Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, Care of Magical Creatures, Arithmancy, and History of Magic.” When Teddy stared at him, he flushed. “What?”

“Why so many?”

“Well, I don’t know what I want to do yet, so I need to keep my options open. You need five good N.E.W.T.s to get into the Auror Academy,” James said, taking his list back as he headed for the shelves.

Teddy trailed after him. “James, you know you don’t have to be an Auror because your dad and I are, right?”

James rolled his eyes, plucking a book off the shelf. “I know that. It’s not like you became an Auror just because your mum was one.” That had factored into Teddy’s decision, but he didn’t contradict James. He wasn’t sure when he’d begun to censor himself around James, but entering his last year in the Academy, he felt like he ought to act more like a role model than the older-brother-slash-cousin he’d always been before.

“Besides, I haven’t decided for sure yet,” James continued. “I’m keeping my options open. Taking things that might come in handy. Hold these,” he said, shoving a stack of books into Teddy’s arms so he could stand on tip-toe and Summon one from a top shelf.

Teddy should have admonished him for doing magic outside of school, if he were being a real role model, but James had been using his presence as a cover for underage magic for years, and Teddy knew it wouldn’t mean anything if he chastised him for it now. “In what world is a History of Magic O.W.L. going to come in handy?” He teased, as James added the book to his stack.

“It’s interesting,” James said, continuing before Teddy could protest, “the _topic_ is interesting. Or would be, if Binns weren’t teaching it.”

“Whatever you say, Jamie,” Teddy said. He smiled, but it must not have reached his eyes because James stopped in his tracks, turning to face him with a slight frown.

“Is everything alright, Teddy? You seem kind of...down.”

Teddy opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. “Everything’s fine, James. I’m just tired. Auror training is a lot of work,” he said, trying to lighten the mood, but James’s frown only deepened.

“You didn’t have to come today if you needed to rest,” he said. “I’m sorry–”

“What are you talking about? This is our tradition, James. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Now.” Teddy nodded towards the list in James’s hands. “How many books do we still need to get?”

 

** Chapter One **   
_March 2031  
10 ½ years later_

James Potter had had a bad day.

It was a Wednesday – automatically a detractor. It was raining – not unexpected for England, but this wasn’t a drizzle, it was a proper downpour. By the time he got to his office, water had soaked through James’s shoes and into his socks because even though he was getting his Masters in Transfiguration, his Impermeability Charms were still a little bit shit. Al had cancelled on him for lunch, and his advisor, Tracy, had been running behind, which meant their meeting ran late and James hadn’t been able to pick up the new books he’d ordered before the shop closed. The meeting had been bad as well – he hadn’t made as much progress as he should have since their last meeting, he already knew that, and he didn’t need her to tell him so with such a disappointed look on her face.

By the time he left uni, his socks were damp and the sky was dark. He’d still hoped to salvage his evening – he could write a page or two, review his lecture notes, and reward himself for his productivity with a bowl of his favorite ice cream – but he didn’t have any left at home, and they were out at both the Tesco around the corner and the Sainsbury’s down the road.

James consoled himself with a frozen pizza for dinner, but he didn’t hear the timer go off and the edges were burnt when he pulled it out of the oven. He only got through half a page of writing before the headache he’d had since lunch went from _annoying_ to _pounding,_ and after it took him fifteen minutes to write one sentence he admitted it might be time to call it a night.

James glanced at the clock. It was past nine – that was late enough to go to bed, if one didn’t mind acting old and boring, which James didn’t, no matter how many times Albus teased him for it. He still needed to review his lecture notes – he was presenting on the history and properties of Animagus transformations the next morning – but he could do that under the covers of his bed rather than at his desk in the sitting room. Maybe he’d even wake up early and do it then. Right now all he had the energy to do was make himself a cup of tea and put on his pyjamas – perhaps he would take some headache tonic before bed to make sure his head was clear when he woke up.

As he waited for the kettle to boil, he washed and put away his dishes from dinner. His kitchen was small, but well suited for his purpose – making simple meals for one. The table shoved in the corner had only two chairs, so if both Albus and Lily were over for dinner they sat on the sofa. On the rare occasions when James baked, he dragged his desk closer to the kitchen door and used it as an extra worktop.

He prepared his mug on autopilot, and was halfway up the stairs when someone knocked on his front door.

James turned around, rolling his eyes. Albus _would_ show up after dark as an apology for ditching James earlier in the day – never mind that he knew James had to be up early because unlike _some people,_ he didn’t set his own hours–

“For fuck’s sake, Al,” he said, throwing open the door, and then blinked, because it wasn’t Albus standing at his front door.

It was Teddy.

_Teddy._

James was transported back to the last time he’d seen him, the end of winter hols his fifth year of Hogwarts. All the kids were gathering at the Burrow to leave for King’s Cross together, and Teddy had Apparated into the front garden to say goodbye. He’d been wearing the denim jacket they’d found in the attic at Grimmauld the summer before James started school, the one with the initials _R.J.L._ inked into the collar, and his shoulders were hunched against the cold because even with a jumper and a hoodie underneath, that coat wasn’t meant for January weather. That had never stopped Teddy from wearing it year round.

When he’d hugged James, the material had been rough against his cheek, and he remembered thinking Teddy smelled good and being embarrassed by the thought. Teddy had held James by the shoulders and told him to _kick arse on his O.W.L.s,_ and that image, Teddy wearing a Hufflepuff scarf that clashed with his blue hair, eyes glittering in the early morning light, had been the one James returned to most often over the past ten years when he was feeling maudlin.

Less than a month later he’d been called into McGonagall’s office when his dad had come to school to tell them that Teddy was gone.

“James,” Teddy said. His voice was the same. His hair wasn’t – a sedate brown – but he wore that same jacket, so old by now it had to be held together by magic. “James, listen, I need your help–”

Which was all he got out before James slammed the door.

He slumped against it, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes and trying to rub away the sight. His head was _throbbing._ He was more tired than he thought – the stress from his studies had finally gotten to him. No one had mentioned, when telling him how much work his Masters would be, that he might start _hallucinating._

A knock, right next to his ear, urgent and quick. The words were nervous, but pitched to carry. “James?”

Not a hallucination, then. He hadn’t really thought so, but it might have been easier to deal with.

He turned and re-opened the door.

Teddy was still there, and this time, James let himself look.

He hadn’t changed much. James himself had grown since he was fifteen and was closer to Teddy’s height now, but Teddy was still taller. He had on a jumper under the jacket, and a large rucksack over his shoulders. Ripped jeans, and ratty trainers, and a–

A baby in his arms. Wrapped in a blanket, mint green, that almost shone in the dark. As James watched, Teddy looked down, and a tiny hand appeared from the folds to grab his offered index finger.

“What are you doing here?”

Teddy looked at him, then down the street. James lived in an area that was residential, mostly Muggle. His neighbors were families with small children who viewed the young, single academic as an eccentric oddity. By this time of night, the street was deserted, save for Mrs. Banerjee down who was taking her dog out.

Still, Teddy looked nervous, as though he expected someone to be watching him.

“Can I come in?”

James wanted to say no, wanted to make Teddy answer all kinds of questions before James let him into his home. A not insubstantial part of him – the part that felt fifteen sometimes – wanted to have it out with him in the doorway, fuck what his neighbors thought, then slam the door in Teddy’s face.

But there was something in Teddy’s eyes as they darted away from James to the empty street, down to the baby, up to James. It was something fearful, and his voice trembled when he spoke. “Please, James?”

James stepped aside, letting Teddy pass by. He locked the door, and when he turned back around, Teddy was still hovering right inside the doorway. James knew the polite thing to do would be to invite him to sit down, but he was feeling too big for his skin, the familiar anger he hadn’t dwelt on in years rising within him.

“What are you doing here, Teddy?”

The words came out louder than he meant them to, more forceful, and Teddy flinched. James felt instant regret, and then told himself he shouldn’t, but Teddy glanced down at the baby who was beginning to fuss, and shame suffused him.

“I–” Teddy swallowed, shifting on his feet. “I’ve left New York.”

James didn’t even know that that was where Teddy’d run off to, all those years ago. 

“I can see that,” he said. The words were sharp, but he didn’t know how to soften them.

Teddy took a deep breath.

“Can I stay with you for awhile?” he asked. “I– we don’t have anywhere to go. I wouldn’t– I know it’s a lot to ask, but I, I can’t face Harry or my gran right now–”

“Why are you back?” James interrupted. “I mean– ten years, Teddy. Ten years of _nothing,_ and you show up at my door with– with a kid? And I’m supposed to help you?”

Teddy cradled the child a little closer to his chest. “I know, and I– I don’t think I can explain it all right now.” He let out a breath. “I couldn’t think of anywhere else for us to go.”

Those words, spoken so earnestly, landed deep in James’s chest. He’d lived with his anger at Teddy for so long, not letting himself think much about anything else. But truer than the anger was how much trust he'd put in Teddy. How Teddy had been the first one he wanted to talk to when anything bad happened, the opinion he’d valued most for all his big decisions. If he’d known how to reach him, James would have been on Teddy’s doorstep years ago, and there was no doubt in his mind that Teddy would have let him in.

The difference was that James had had no idea how to find him.

That was the question James wanted to ask – _why me, and anyway, how did you even get here?_ – but the baby let out a soft cry and had Teddy’s attention in an instant. James nodded to the baby. “Is he yours?”

“She,” Teddy corrected. “And yes.”

James waited for him to elaborate. He didn’t.

“What’s her name?”

“Dora,” he said. “Dora Lupin.”

Teddy looked up. His face was creased with worry. “So, can we stay with you? Not for– not for _too_ long, I mean, I’m not sure, but, well–”

“Sure, Teddy,” James interrupted. “You can stay.” He picked up his now-cold tea from the coffee table. “Guest bedroom’s upstairs, unless you want something to eat first?”

Teddy shook his head and smiled. “Just tired.”

James’s guest bedroom wasn’t equipped for a baby. It was a small room, mostly taken up by the double bed and chest of drawers, with a built-in wardrobe and a chair crammed into the corner. There were floating shelves instead of bedside tables, and the duvet cover was hideous. When he’d moved in, James had intended to make the space his office, before he realized he was working downstairs most of the time because it had better light. He’d moved his desk and outfitted the room with spare furniture from his family, feeling quite pleased with himself for having a guest room at all. He’d never had any complaints from anyone who stayed there, but he was not prepared to house a baby.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t have a cot or anything– I can Transfigure something for you if you like.” He had an end table downstairs he wasn’t using. Well, it had his post on it at the moment, but that was more out of laziness than anything else.

Teddy shook his head. “That’s alright,” he said. “She usually sleeps in the bed with me anyway.” He looked around, seeming ill at ease in the room. “Do you mind if I put her changing mat on the chest of drawers?”

“Not at all,” James said. The lighting in the guest room was better than on his front step or in his hallway, and it was clear that Teddy was exhausted, the circles under his eyes deep and grey. “Do you need anything else?” he asked.

Teddy shook his head. “No, this is plenty– _more_ than enough. Really.” He laughed, dry and bitter. “I’m sure I don’t deserve it.”

James frowned. He didn’t like the tone of voice Teddy used, like he had taken it for granted that James wouldn’t want to help him, but he wasn’t entirely wrong. James was still upset about what Teddy had done, and wasn’t interested in trying to appease him or make it seem like he wasn’t mad.

“I’ve got a lecture at nine tomorrow, so I’ll be out of the house early,” James said instead. “Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I don’t have– I don’t know what Dora’s eating, but I think there might be applesauce in the pantry if you’d like. Or there’s a Tesco just down the street if you need to go buy her something.”

“Tesco,” Teddy repeated.

James suppressed a bolt of annoyance – had Teddy been gone so long he’d forgotten what Tesco was? “It’s about a ten minute walk,” he said. “I’ll leave a spare key on the kitchen table if you want to go out.

Teddy nodded, exhaling a shaky breath. “Thank you, James. Really.”

“No problem,” James said, uncomfortable. He should have left it at that, but he couldn’t stop the next words that came out of his mouth. “I’m still mad, you know.” Teddy looked up at him, startled. “I want to help you, but I haven’t– I haven’t forgiven you.”

Teddy looked at the ground. “I...yeah. I get that.” He gave that bitter laugh again. “Well, thanks for helping me anyways.”

“Right.”

Teddy did the shifty eye thing again, as though he thought something in the room might be watching him. “Listen, I know I’ve no leg to stand on when it comes to asking you for favors, but I was wondering if maybe you might – please, can you not tell anyone I’m here? Not yet,” he amended, as James stared at him. “I’ll tell them, eventually, but I– I can’t yet. I need some time to settle in.”

Teddy living in his spare room, no explanation of why he’d come back, and James couldn’t even Floo Lily to bitch about it. What had he done to deserve this?

“Fine.” James felt awkward and more than that, tired. Too tired to argue. He knew he wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon, but he needed to at least get in bed and try to rest his brain. He had a big day tomorrow. “Maybe we can talk more after I get home tomorrow, then.”

“Alright,” Teddy said. “Goodnight, Jamie.”

The old nickname ran a shiver down his spine.

***

When James went to check in with Tracy, who had been sitting at the back of the classroom where he’d been lecturing, she gave him an odd look and told him they’d talk tomorrow.

“I can tell you’re distracted,” she’d said. “Unless you want to talk about it, I think it would be best if we debriefed tomorrow?”

James didn’t want to tell Tracy about his long-missing godbrother showing up at his door the night before any more than he thought he’d be over the weirdness by tomorrow, but he knew an escape route when he saw one, so he thanked her and left. He was thinking of what he wanted to have for lunch – maybe he’d eat out for once, he needed a little time to himself before the prospect of facing Teddy – and jumped when Albus threw an arm around his shoulder.

“Al!” James said, spinning out from under his shoulder and pushing him off the footpath, which would soon be crowded with students. “What are you doing here?” Albus, even more so than Lily, found James’s pursuit of academia mind boggling and boring and rarely stepped foot onto his campus out of protest.

“I felt bad about cancelling on our plans yesterday, so I thought I could take you out today!” Albus grinned. “I’ll buy. We can even go to that weird tapas place you like.”

“Tapas isn’t weird,” James argued automatically. “You’re just uncultured.”

Al laughed. “Is that a no on the tapas?”

“It’s a no on lunch,” James sighed. His thoughts had been revolving around Teddy all morning, questions and hypotheses distracting him from reviewing his lecture notes and pulling his focus during class. He’d promised Teddy he wouldn’t tell anyone he was back in England, and he wanted to hear more about _why_ he was back before he considered breaking that promise, but he knew that if he went to lunch with his brother, he’d be telling him everything before they even got their food.

Albus frowned. James felt guilty.

“I appreciate you coming all the way out here,” he said. “Maybe we can do it next week? I’m really tired, and so swamped with work...I’ve got lectures every week now to prepare for, and I’m supposed to have a draft done by the end of the term…”

“Didn’t you just give one of those lectures?” Al asked, and James cursed his brother’s memory. “Lunch won’t take long – don’t you deserve a little break?”

“I can’t right now, Al. I was up way too late last night, I want to go home and take a nap.”

Albus furrowed his brow, suspicion clear on his face. James was asleep by eleven every night, and Albus knew it; even if he wanted to stay awake, his body shut down at a certain time of night. Once, on New Year’s, all the cousins had decided to stay up the entire night, and despite taking a nap in the afternoon in preparation and drinking three cups of coffee, James fell asleep before two in the morning.

“If you’re sure, James. But we should do something this weekend.”

James nodded. “I’m sure. And maybe? I’ve had a few new books come in, and I want to spend a good chunk of time with them.”

That wasn’t a complete lie – two texts he’d ordered last week had arrived, and James wanted to read them over the weekend to determine if he’d be able to use either of them in his thesis. But normally he gave himself some rest time on the weekends, and one of his favorite ways to spend that time was with Albus and Lily. Al knew that.

“Alright,” Al said. “I guess– owl if you need anything, yeah? And good luck with the writing.”

“Thanks,” James said. He let Albus pull him into a hug, squeezing him tightly. “And thanks for coming by, Allie Cat. I really appreciate it.”

“Ugh, don’t call me that,” Al said, pushing James off him. “I’m not a little kid anymore, gods.”

James reached out to ruffle Albus’s hair and laughed when he ducked away. “Alright, Albus Severus.” Al stuck out his tongue as he walked away. “Say hi to Scorp for me!”

“Fuck you, Jammy!” Al called, turning around.

James hefted his bag higher on his shoulder and stepped onto the footpath, heading for the one building on campus with a functional Floo. Al was worried about him, and James didn’t want him to be. He wanted very much to tell Albus everything that had happened and ask him what he thought James should do, but in their short interaction the night before, Teddy had been so jumpy that James was reluctant to do anything to break his trust, even if he was still upset with him.

***

For the first time ever, when James stepped out of the Floo and into his living room, his house wasn’t silent. He hadn’t forgotten that Teddy and Dora were staying with him – he’d thought of little else all day – but he’d expected they might be out when he got home after taking himself out for lunch, or maybe holed away in the guest room.

Instead, the sight that greeted him when he stepped off the hearth was of Teddy sat on the floor with Dora in his lap. She was holding what James recognized as one of his metal measuring cups, and was banging it on the coffee table repeatedly, squeezing her eyes shut and scrunching her nose up every time it resulted in a loud _bang!_ Teddy laughed as he watched her, but stopped when he noticed James, who’d gone to the front door to hang his jacket.

“Sorry,” Teddy said, grabbing Dora’s hand to stop her from banging the cup again. He tried to take it out of her grasp, and she pulled her arm away, babbling at him. “I gave it to her to keep her occupied while I was making lunch, and she decided it’s her new favorite thing–” he winced as she evaded his reach and leaned forward to hit the cup against the table again.

“It’s fine,” James said, dropping his bag on his desk chair and kicking off his shoes. “I know it’s not like I have toys, or anything for babies.” He looked at his living room, seeing all of the sharp corners and small alcoves. “Fuck, this place isn’t baby proofed at _all,_ ” he said, and then, “Shit, I need to stop swearing so much.”

Teddy laughed, shaking his head. “I went around and did the infant protection spells in most of the house this morning, I hope that’s alright,” he said. “And honestly, Dora picking up a few swear words is the least of my worries.”

James smiled. It was weird how normal it was, talking with Teddy, even when he hadn’t done it for years. It had always been like that before, but he’d thought the time that had passed might have changed things. Teddy looked the same as he had last night, with bags under his eyes and the brown hair that James still wasn’t used to, and he was wearing the same jeans, combined with a blue t-shirt advertising an American Quodpot team. Dora was wearing a t-shirt with a butterfly pattern on the front tucked into stretchy blue leggings, and as James watched, her hair went from strawberry blonde to sunshine yellow.

He sucked in a breath. “Is she a Metamorphmagus?” he asked. Somehow, even though Teddy had shown up carrying her, it hadn’t quite settled in James’s mind that she was _Teddy’s_ – he hadn’t explained anything, after all, and it was a lot to wrap his head around. But Dora’s cheerful yellow hair, which Teddy was now running his hand over, put more weight behind that assumption. She had to be Teddy’s.

“Yes,” Teddy said, wrapping one hand around her torso. She’d grown tired of banging the measuring cup and was now sucking on the handle. Teddy gently pulled it out of her grip, replacing it with a bright green rubber ring. “She’s mine.” He looked up at James from his spot on the floor. “I know that’s what you’re wanting to ask me.”

James sank down onto the couch, bending one of his legs underneath him so he could face Teddy. “It’s a reasonable question, Teddy. No one knows what you’ve been up to for a decade, and then you show up at my door with a baby.”

Teddy nodded in acknowledgment. He ran his hands through Dora’s hair once more, pushing it back off of her forehead. She slumped against his chest, drool collecting at the corners of her mouth as she sucked on the toy.

“I’ll have to put her down soon,” he said. “It’s almost time for her nap. At the Portkey office they gave us a tonic for the jet lag but I’m trying not to get her too far off schedule so she can adjust.”

James noticed that Teddy had side-stepped his almost-question but decided not to push the issue. “How old is she?”

“Seven months,” Teddy said. “She was born in August.”

Dora pulled the toy out of her mouth and waved it up at Teddy, who took it. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, and Teddy laughed.

“It’s time for your nap, isn’t it,” he said. “And we’re sitting around talking about you like you’re not here. Very rude of us.” He Banished the toy and lifted Dora into his arms, standing up.

James stood too. “Look, if you’re going to be staying here for awhile, you probably need more stuff for her, right?” He ran a hand through his hair. “I mean, I don’t know what you brought, but I don’t have anything for kids here. Louis and Adrianna’s daughter just turned three, and I know they haven’t gotten rid of any of the baby stuff yet, but they’re not using it right now.” Teddy shook his head, opening his mouth to interrupt, and James raised a hand to stop him. “Can I ask him to borrow it? I won’t tell anyone else you’re here, I swear, and I know Louis won’t either, but if you’re going to be staying here...I at least want you both to be comfortable.”

Teddy seemed torn. His face creased with worry, and he looked down at Dora’s buttercup-yellow head for a long moment before he met James’s eyes.

“I guess that’d be okay, yeah. As long as he doesn’t tell anyone else.”

“I know he won’t,” James promised.

Teddy shifted Dora in his arms. “I need to get her down for her nap.”

“Right! Of course. Sorry.” James gestured behind him to the desk. “I’ll just be reading, but– you can do whatever you like, of course. Don’t let me be in the way.”

He rather thought Teddy might come back down after he got Dora to sleep, but he must have stayed in the guest room, because James spent the afternoon reading undisturbed. He eventually got up to make dinner, enough for two, figuring Teddy would want to join him and if he didn’t, James would just have leftovers.

Teddy came back down a while later, a newly-rested Dora in his arms, and thanked James for cooking. Dinnertime conversation was limited, with most of Teddy’s attention focused on feeding Dora. He offered to do the washing up, but James waved him off, and he disappeared upstairs to clean Dora’s face and didn’t return. As he fell asleep that night, it occured to James that, despite having had two polite, civil conversations with Teddy that day – a situation that had felt impossible last night when his anger had been so close to the surface – he still had no idea what or where Teddy had been during the last ten years.

Except that he now had a daughter.

***

Friday found James at his postponed meeting with Tracy, dodging her questions about what had had him so distracted the day before. He got a sandwich for lunch and spent the afternoon working in his office, unwilling to return to his house and put up with more of Teddy’s evasion. Although he’d gone to bed last night pleased about the conversations he and Teddy’d had, he’d woken up angry again. James was letting Teddy and his _infant daughter_ stay with him for an undetermined amount of time, the term when he going to start his thesis, after ten years of complete radio silence from one Edward Remus Lupin.

It had broken James a little bit when Teddy left – he’d been fifteen and fearless, until his best friend in the world disappeared and taught him there was something to fear. Considering that, he thought it was pretty fucking big of him to let Teddy stay in the first place, although if he were honest with himself there was really no chance of him saying no. Still, he thought the least he deserved was an actual explanation from Teddy. The questions that were circling around in James’s mind wouldn’t have been that difficult to answer.

_Where have you been for the past ten years?_

_Why did you leave?_

_Why come back now?_

The living room was empty this time when James exited the Floo. The kitchen was dark, and he could hear footsteps on the first floor; Teddy must have been in the guest room with Dora.

James dropped his stuff on his desk and flicked his wand towards the kitchen, turning on the lights. He didn’t feel like cooking, but he should since he’d gone out for lunch. He wondered if Teddy would come down and eat with him again, and wished he’d stayed at the uni for longer instead. Avoiding Teddy was immature, no doubt about it, but less immature when James hadn’t done it first.

He was standing in the kitchen, contemplating the vegetables in his fridge, when the Floo roared to life and two familiar voices filled the living room.

“–never Flooing with you again!” Lily was saying, and there was a muffled _thud_ that might have been her kicking off her shoes, but could have been her kicking Albus.

Albus raised his voice above their sister. “You _pushed_ me, Lils,” he said, and then grinned when James appeared in the doorway. “James!” he said, coming to wrap his arm around James’s shoulders. “Surprise!”

“We brought dinner,” Lily said, holding up two plastic takeaway bags. “If it survived the trip through _someone’s_ shitty Floo connection.” She dropped the food on James’s coffee table.

Albus rolled his eyes.

“What are you guys doing here? I told you I was busy…” James trailed off, eyes darting towards the stairs.

“We know you’re nervous about your thesis, but holing up in your house to write isn’t the way to deal with that!” Lily announced. “You can spend the rest of the weekend being boring, but tonight you’re getting Thai food and our company, and you’re going to like it!”

James frowned. He was touched by the thought and he wanted to tell Albus and Lily they could stay, but he couldn’t.

“You’re not allowed to make another excuse,” Al said. “You have to eat dinner regardless. We can leave right after.” Then he turned to Lily and pointed to James like he wasn’t there. “See what I mean?”

She nodded. “You’re right, he is acting weird.”

It was at this moment that Teddy appeared at the top of the stairs, pulling off a set of headphones. “James?” he said. “I can help with dinner tonight if you– oh.”

He stopped walking, staring down at the three of them. For a short, blessed minute, there was absolute silence.

Lily broke it. “What the _fuck_? What the actual fucking fuck!” she cried, turning to glare at James. “Did you know about this?”

“I–”

“Why is Teddy in your house!” Lily yelled, pointing. “What is he _doing here?!_ ”

“Is this why you wanted us to leave?” Al asked, arms crossed over his chest. “Because you didn’t want us to know?”

Trust Albus to always hit the nail on the head. James flushed.

“Teddy is staying with me for a bit,” he said, but before he could explain anything else Lily was talking over him.

“You left, don’t you remember?” she said, crossing her arms and glaring at Teddy. “Don’t you remember leaving with no note?” Teddy took a few halting steps down the stairs, opening his mouth, but Lily didn’t give him the chance to speak. “Dad cried when he came to school to explain it to us. And Andromeda cried at Christmas. For _years._ Don’t you–”

“Lily, _stop,_ ” James said. Teddy’s face was cracking open, and James couldn’t let it get any worse, even though everything Lily was saying was true. Her words reminded him of those terrible months when nothing made sense, when he wished every night that Teddy would come back; and the softer, sharper despair that settled in when he realized Teddy wasn’t. Teddy looked cut open, and Lily’s face was red with anger, and there wasn’t time for James to think about the past right now.

“Well, this is lovely,” Albus quipped. He’d sat down on the sofa and had one leg crossed over the other, watching the others like they were actors in a film.

“Sarcasm isn’t becoming, _Albus,_ ” Lily bit out.

Albus scowled. “Neither is yelling, Lillikins.” He turned on James. “Neither is keeping the fact that our _godbrother_ is _staying with you_ a _secret_ –”

“This is why I didn’t tell you,” James said, even though it was a lie and he knew it would upset them. What was the good of being the oldest if he couldn’t play that card every once in a while? “Because I knew you would react like this–”

“Oh, sod off,” Lily said, throwing herself onto the sofa next to Al. “You can get off your high horse and stop pretending you aren’t just as pissed off at him–”

“Lily, really,” James said, trying to sound disapproving, even though his little sister was right. “You’re overreacting.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, James,” Al said. “Don’t be such a prick.”

“Maybe I should go,” Teddy said, the first time he’d spoken since he’d seen Lily and Albus. “This seems like–”

“Teddy, you’re fine–”

“Go where? Fuck off for another ten–”

“Yeah, James has some explaining–”

All three Potters fell silent when Dora began to cry.

Teddy pinked, a sight James couldn’t ever remember having seen before. Usually it was Teddy’s hair that changed color in response to his emotions, or at least it had been before he got too good at controlling it. But there was no mistaking the blush on his cheeks, while his hair remained that same stubborn brown.

“That’s–my daughter,” he said, the words falling clumsily out of his mouth. “She must have woken up. I should…” he cast a stricken look at James before turning and running up the stairs.

It was Albus who spoke first this time.

“He’s got a daughter?” Al and Lily were staring at James as though he had the answers, but he really didn’t. He never had, to be honest, even though he’d gotten good at faking it over the years.

“Yeah,” James said. “Her name is Dora. She’s seven months old.” He paused for a moment. “She likes to have yellow hair.”

Despite her anger from a few minutes ago, Lily was now frowning at James, face sympathetic. She gestured him over to the sofa and he sank down between his siblings.

“He showed up Wednesday night,” James said. “I thought it was you, Al, coming to apologize for missing lunch, and there he was, standing at my door with a fucking _baby_ in his arms.” Albus squeezed his shoulder, and James smiled. “And he asked if he could stay with me, and told me not to tell anyone, and…” he sighed, tilting his head back. Lily rested her head on his other shoulder, and her hair tickled his chin. “He hasn’t told me anything about where he’s been, or what he’s been doing, or anything about Dora except that she’s his. I don’t even know how he found my address. But what was I supposed to do?”

Albus snorted. “Well, obviously you weren’t gonna tell him no. We know you better than that.”

James frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re ride or die,” Lily said. “And you’ve always loved Teddy. That means something to you.” She reached an arm around his chest and hugged him. “You’re better at people than us, Jamesy.”

James blinked back the tears that wanted to well up. “Well, I was in Gryffindor,” he said, which at least made them laugh.

Lily propped her foot up on the table, pushing at the bags with her toe. “Are you gonna kick us out now?” she said. “Because I’m hungry.”

“That depends, are you gonna yell at Teddy again when he comes down to eat with us?”

Albus muttered. “Does he have to?”

“Yeah, it’s called being polite,” James said. “And dinner last night was awkward as fuck, so if you could just refrain from screaming and hang out for a bit, I’d appreciate it. And don’t tell anyone Teddy’s here.”


	2. Chapter Two

** Chapter Two **

Dora was crying when Teddy got upstairs. He’d done a shoddy job of Transfiguring the chair into a cot, as he didn’t want her sleeping alone on the bed during her naps, and even though James could probably do better, he hesitated to ask. Dora quieted after a few minutes of Teddy rocking her, and though he knew he shouldn’t, he stayed and waited for her to fall asleep, partially to make sure she was alright and partially to avoid having to go back downstairs. If she cried when she woke up again and he wasn’t there, at least it would give him an excuse to get away again, Teddy mused. Besides, it was just as likely that she’d wake up because her internal clock was still in EST, and he couldn’t exactly explain to a seven-month-old why she had to stay up to beat the jet lag.

It was _weird,_ seeing Albus and Lily after all these years. It’d been weird seeing James too, but when he’d left James had been fifteen and partway into puberty – he was taller now, but only by a few inches, and he’d filled out, but he wasn’t unrecognizable compared to Teddy’s memories. Albus, who’d been a short and scrawny thirteen-year-old, now more reminded Teddy of how Harry’d looked when he was a kid, and Lily...he wouldn’t have recognized the woman who’d been yelling at him as Lily Luna Potter if he’d seen her in any other context except with her older brothers.

_So they changed, they grew up,_ he told himself. _You knew they would._ He’d thought of it over the years, especially on Christmas, and around their birthdays. _Lily’ll be seventeen this year,_ or _James is twenty-one now, same age I was when I left._ He’d imagined what they might look like without ever thinking he’d see them again.

That wasn’t true. At first he had planned to go back. He just needed a few months, he told himself, but then it turned into a year, and then two, and he’d been ignoring owls for too long by that point, and so at some point he decided he wouldn’t be going back after all. And then there’d been no point in imagining.

Dora was asleep and Teddy was reflecting that he should be a grown up and face the music when a silver horse’s head came straight through the door. It continued inwards until it was taking up all of the limited space between the door and the bed, and only when it spoke in James’s voice did he realize what he was looking at. Although in Auror training, using Patronuses to communicate had been second nature, no one Teddy knew in the States had done so. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d tried to conjure one himself.

“The food’s ready if you want to come down,” James’s Patronus said, before it dissolved into the air.

Reminding himself that he was hungry, and it would be rude to stay hidden away upstairs when they knew he was hiding from them, Teddy cast the monitor charm in the guest room and went down to the living room.

James and Albus were sitting on the couch, Lily on the floor beside them, leaving the armchair free, he assumed, for him. As he sat, James passed him a plate, and Lily scowled at him.

“I was told there was enough food for you to have some,” she snarked, and it was the last time she addressed him for the entire meal.

There was plenty of food – Teddy remembered how whenever the kids couldn’t decide on what they wanted, Harry would let them order two dishes, much to Ginny’s chagrin, and it seemed they still followed that line of thinking. Spread out on the coffee table was pad thai and pad see ew, two different curries, a rice dish Teddy didn’t recognize, and three orders of spring rolls.

“You can share some of my spring rolls, Teddy,” James offered, but Teddy declined. There was plenty to eat without him incurring anyone’s wrath by taking their appetizer, and besides, his metabolism wasn’t the same anymore after giving birth.

Lily and Albus were making a game of ignoring him, and though James kept trying to draw him into the conversation, Teddy didn’t mind when it swept on without him. Lily finished telling a very fast-paced story that featured a Quidditch team’s worth of names Teddy didn’t know, then pointed her fork at James.

“And you ought to visit Dad and Draco tomorrow,” she said, ignorant of the sauce that was dripping from her utensil onto the table. She nodded towards Albus. “Brainless over here told Dad you seemed upset about something, so they’ll probably come over if you don’t head them off, and,” she poked her fork towards Teddy, “I imagine you don’t want that.”

Why would Draco care how James was feeling, Teddy wondered, but didn’t voice the thought. James nodded. “Thanks for the heads up, Lils.”

She shrugged. “That’s why I’m the best. Unlike some people.”

“You’re such a little shit,” Albus said. “He really did seem upset, how was I supposed to know he was lying?”

James interrupted whatever Lily was going to say, clearly trying to head off an argument – very different behavior from when he was a teenager and liked to egg his siblings on at every opportunity.

“Have you made any more progress with the sitting room, Lils?”

She rolled her eyes. “No,” she said. “Lys wants to do it in pink, because it’s _the new neutral_ or some rot, but Bells and I said we refused to have a pink sitting room as we’re older than thirteen. Except Lys can’t stand being wrong, so they did one wall in pink to show us, and now Bells wants to leave it like that as an accent wall.” She sighed. “I think it looks ridiculous and the colors of the walls were fine the way they were before we moved in.”

Teddy didn’t know who Lys and Bells were – Lily’s flatmates?

James nodded in sympathy. Albus snorted. “I can’t believe you’re going to have a pink sitting room.”

Lily sighed. “I know.”

“Can’t you tell Lys they can paint the bedroom pink instead?” Albus suggested. “You might be miserable, but at least the rest of us won’t have to look at it.”

Lily tilted her head. “That’s not a bad idea,” she said. “Maybe then I can convince Bells to do the living room in grey.”

“I’m sure that will go over great with Lys,” James said.

They’d all finished eating by that point, plates piled in the middle of the table, Teddy half-wishing he’d gone for seconds but not wanting to take too much. Albus cast a _Tempus_ and groaned when it came up a quarter past eight.

“I’ve got to get home and change,” he said. “Scorpius has a gallery opening and told me to arrive no earlier than eight-thirty, but no later than nine – that’s the window for being fashionably late.”

Teddy didn’t know what Albus was talking about, but at least that was a name he recognized. Scorpius Malfoy had been Albus’s best friend when they were thirteen; it was nice to hear that they were still friends now.

Lily stood and stretched. “I should get going soon,” she said. “Start making my argument for the bedroom being pink rather than the sitting room.”

She waggled her eyebrows and both of her brothers groaned.

“Gross, Lily. No one wants to think about that,” Albus said.

_Think about what?_ Teddy wondered, but didn’t say aloud.

“Stop being so emotionally stunted, we’re all adults here.” Lily smiled as she grabbed Albus by the elbow and pulled him towards the fireplace.

“Be good, James-y!” she called, stepping into the Floo.

“Let me know if you want to hang out tomorrow,” Albus said. “Bye James.” And then, after a clear moment of indecision. “Teddy.”

The flames flared green as he disappeared, and then the fireplace was cold, and Teddy and James were alone.

Dora’d stayed asleep, Teddy realized. Maybe she was adjusting to the time change. That would be a relief.

James stood and began putting the lids on the half-eaten containers, stacking the plates and sending them towards the kitchen.

“I can do the washing up,” Teddy offered, and James gave him a tired smile.

“That’d be great, Teddy. Thanks.”

James came in to put the leftovers in the fridge as Teddy was drying the plates. Teddy stacked them and then looked at the cabinets.

“Um, James? Where do these go?”

“What? Oh.” James grabbed them from him and put them away. “Thanks again. Was Dora alright?”

“Yeah, she’s fine.” Teddy sighed. “The time change is fucking with her sleep schedule, but we’ll get there.”

James nodded. Teddy finished with the glasses, and once again James took them from him to put them away.

“I’m sorry about Albus and Lily,” he said, frowning. “Especially Lily. Even if they were surprised, there was no reason for them to be...like that.”

“It’s fine,” Teddy said. He was feeling fidgety, wanted to pull the dish towel off the rack and grab and _twist,_ but he resisted, twining his fingers together instead. It wasn’t the same.

If he was being honest, Lily and Albus’s reactions had shaken him. He’d been most worried about facing the adults again – his grandmother, Kingsley, Harry – because he didn’t want to deal with their disappointment. He’d thought the kids would be easier to see again – he’d thought they would understand. How many times had James griped to him about ending up in the _Prophet_ for being Harry Potter’s son?

He hadn’t been expecting the anger in Lily’s eyes when she’d first seen him, or the upset in Albus’s. Or, now that he was thinking about it, the furious hurt on James’s face when he’d opened his door to find Teddy there. He’d acquiesced easily enough – Teddy’d assumed that meant he wasn’t mad, but maybe he’d been wrong.

Part of him wanted to ask, but he knew if he did, James would have questions for him, too. As much as Teddy wanted answers, he wasn’t ready to reciprocate.

“Who are Lys and Bells?” he asked instead, leaning against the counter and locking his hands around it so he couldn’t fidget.

“Do you want tea?” James asked at the same time. Teddy shook his head. James filled the kettle with an _Aguamenti._ “Lys is Lys Scamander – you would have known them as Lysander,” he explained. “They came out as non-binary about five years ago? And Bells is Helen Longbottom.” He rolled his eyes. “No one except Lily calls her that, and I’ve no idea why.” James shook his tea bag out and dropped it into his mug before pouring the water over it. “They’re Lily’s partners.”

“Lily’s partners?” Teddy repeated.

James leaned his hip against the counter, watching Teddy over the top of his mug. “Yeah,” he said. “Like, in a romantic way. She and Lys have been together for ages, and I don’t know how Helen ended up in the mix, but the family’s known about all of them for two– maybe three years now?” He sounded like he expected Teddy to argue. “They got a flat together a few months ago. Hence the decorating drama.”

“Right, that makes sense,” Teddy said hurriedly. “I don’t have a problem with that, or anything. I was just confused.”

James’s shoulders relaxed. “Yeah,” he said. He took a sip of his tea. “It took some time for everyone to wrap their heads around it at first, but they’re all on board now.”

“Good. That’s...that’s good.”

“Anyway, Lily’s right; I should go see Dad and Draco tomorrow,” James said. “Probably I’ll do that in the morning and then come home and do some reading. I’m assuming you don’t want to come?”

Teddy shook his head. After seeing Albus and Lily, he was even more wary of seeing Harry, and still confused as to why it sounded like Harry and Draco were – living together? That made no sense.

“What will you be reading?” Teddy asked. It had occurred to him, sitting on James’s armchair while the Potter kids bandied insults back and forth, that he didn’t know what any of them were doing for work, even James. He seemed to keep irregular hours, but he worked. On Thursday he’d come home with his bag overflowing with books.

“Research for my thesis.”

Teddy raised his eyebrows. James Potter was doing a _thesis_?

James noticed Teddy’s surprised expression and frowned. “I’m getting my Masters in Transfiguration,” he explained. “Researching Animagus transformations, primarily.”

“Wow,” Teddy said, because he couldn’t censor his thoughts tonight. It was James’s turn to raise his eyebrows, staring at Teddy pointedly. “I assumed you’d be playing pro Quidditch, or something like that. Maybe go out for the Aurors.” James had always told Teddy it was _dead cool_ that he was in the training programme. Teddy’d been afraid to say anything about not liking it, for fear of ruining James’s image of his dad’s work.

James’s jaw tightened. “I thought about it,” he said. “But I decided it wasn’t for me.” He took another sip of his tea. “Anyways, I should be getting to bed. Do you need anything? What are you planning on doing tomorrow?”

Teddy shook his head. “I’m fine. I… I don’t know.” After that first foray to the shop, Teddy hadn’t left James’s house. He should get used to doing that again – he could use more clothes. Maybe there was a park he could take Dora to, sit outside for a while. “I hadn’t thought about the weekend,” he admitted.

“Well, I’ll be going to Louis’s on Sunday to see about that furniture. You’re welcome to come along,” James said. Teddy didn’t think he would – he had no wish to see Victoire’s younger brother. “If you need to know where anything else is, just let me know.”

Teddy nodded, and James wished him a good night and left.

He knew he should get ready for bed too, try and catch as much sleep as he could before Dora woke up, but Teddy lingered in the kitchen to fix himself a cup of tea. It was disconcerting, how different James was from the teenager Teddy remembered. Unsurprising, he reminded himself – Merlin knew he’d been a very different person at fifteen than twenty-five – but Teddy felt like he didn’t know this new James at all.

_Going for his Masters in Transfiguration._ Teddy’d honestly expected to see James in the magical papers in America, in the small section where they covered Quidditch, which he persisted in reading because it made him feel connected to the Potters even though he’d never cared about the sport before. Evan always used to tease him about it, until the one time Teddy tried to explain that his godbrother was brilliant at the sport, sure to have gone pro like his mum had.

It had ended in a fight. Evan had never understood Teddy’s refusal to contact his family, why Teddy wouldn’t owl James to ask him what he was doing after Hogwarts. As a Muggleborn from the States, Evan had no concept of Harry Potter – of what being related to him made life in England like. In the end, it had been part of why they’d broken up.

Ironic that Teddy had ended up back in England anyway. But then again, he hadn’t had another choice.

He stopped himself from continuing down that train of thought. Nothing good lay in that direction.

His tea had gone cold. He dumped it and rinsed the mug before spelling the lights off and going upstairs.

There was a line of light under the door at the end of the hall, which Teddy had surmised was James’s room. He’d left his own door cracked open, and pushed it in gently, hoping he wouldn’t wake Dora.

She was illuminated by the nightlight, stretched on her back in the center of the bed, the protective spells he’d cast so she couldn’t roll away glittering around her. Her hair had gone back to its natural color – the closest thing to a natural hair color a Metamorphmagus could have – the way it often did when she slept: a soft honey brown that was several shades lighter than Teddy’s.

He took his pyjamas into the bathroom to change and brush his teeth, hoping not to wake Dora, but she stirred when he climbed into the bed and she felt his weight shifting the mattress.

“It’s alright,” he whispered, placing one hand on her little chest. “It’s just me.”

She blinked sleepily up at him and he tensed, preparing for a full-blown crying session as he tried to coax her back to sleep, but she only yawned as her eyes fluttered closed again, and Teddy fell asleep in peace.

***

Dora made up for not waking up the night before by crying at three am the next morning.

Teddy slept lightly these days, and he opened his eyes when his daughter began whimpering. He groaned at the still-dark morning, tired to his bones, and tried to soothe her, hoping he could snatch another hour of sleep, but no such luck. When she started crying in earnest, chest rising and falling fast as she filled her lungs to scream, Teddy scooped her into his arms and went downstairs, casting a _Silencio_ towards James’s room so Dora wouldn’t wake him. She wasn’t interested in any food he offered and didn’t need to be changed, but she continued to wail as Teddy rocked her, as he walked her around the room, as he bounced her in his lap. The tears continued to fall, and it was only when she finally fell asleep, resting against Teddy’s shoulder where he sat on the sofa, that he realized he was crying too.

It felt like he’d been sitting there a long time, letting the tears roll down his cheeks as Dora’s breath fanned over his neck, reflecting on the choices in his life that had brought him to where he was: a single parent with no career or marketable skills who hadn’t spoken to his family in ten years. He’d had to throw himself on the mercy of a godbrother who hated him – a younger godbrother, who used to come to him for help and advice, who used to hero worship him – so he and his child would have someplace to live.

He thought he’d been sitting there a long time wallowing, but it must not have been very long, because the quality of light hadn’t changed at all when James appeared at the top of the stairs, rubbing his eyes.

“Teddy?”

Teddy looked up, startled. He was supporting Dora with both arms and couldn’t wipe his face, and the tear tracks were probably obvious from where James stood. Definitely obvious, if the concerned frown on James’s face as he came down the stairs was any indication.

“Is everything alright?”

James spoke softly, in deference to the late hour and the sleeping baby.

He tried to smile. “Fine! Dora woke up and was crying, so I was trying to get her back to sleep...I hope she didn’t wake you?”

“You’re crying,” James said. He sounded surprised.

“I’m fine.”

“Teddy.” James was _looking_ at him. When Teddy didn’t say anything, he sighed. “I can watch Dora if you want to get more sleep, Ted. You look exhausted.”

Teddy shook his head. “Thanks, but I think if I hand her off she’ll wake up again.”

James nodded in acknowledgment, and slid into the armchair next to the sofa.

“You should go back to sleep, James,” Teddy said. “I’m sorry we woke you.”

James shrugged, an elegant movement in the half-light. “It’s fine, Teddy. Really.” His gaze was probing, and Teddy looked away.

“I’m not going to push you, Teddy, but you know that if you want to talk, I’m always here to listen.”

Teddy frowned. “Are you? I thought you hated me.”

James sighed, pushing his hair off his forehead in a gesture that was so familiar – so James, so _Harry_ – that it made Teddy’s chest hurt. “I don’t _hate_ you, Teddy.” He frowned. “I don’t think now is the right time to hash this out. But if you need to talk...I can listen.”

It was tempting, Merlin was it tempting. Teddy wanted badly to let out some of the thoughts that were circling around in his head, to make room in there to do something besides worry. But he was already on unsteady ground with James – James, who’d grown up into someone Teddy never expected; James, who was still harboring anger at him; James, on whom he was dependent for the roof over his head – and he was afraid that telling the truth of what he’d been up to over the past ten years would make James’s feelings towards him even less sympathetic.

So he said nothing. He shook his head, ignoring the tears that leaked from the corners of his eyes at the thought that James might want to listen. He didn’t. Not really. He was offering because he was kind and good, just like Harry, but he was already doing too much by letting Teddy stay here. He couldn’t ask for anything else, especially at four a.m.

“I’m alright,” he whispered, eyes on Dora. Her sleepsuit was printed with little purple broomsticks, a gift from Michael’s sister at Teddy’s baby shower. Dora’d outgrown it twice now, and each time Teddy spelled it larger, because even though he hated the reminder, he didn’t want to forget.

James sighed. “Well, I guess I’ll go back to bed,” he said, rising. “But let me know if you need anything.”

Teddy said nothing, just listened to James’s footsteps as he went back up the stairs.

***

Teddy woke again to the sound of Dora screaming.

He bolted upright, barely aware of his surroundings, heart pounding, only to hear the noise again and realize that it wasn’t a scream of fear or pain, but of laughter. Heart still thumping, he got up from the sofa and followed the noise into the kitchen. Dora sat in one of the kitchen chairs on top of several cushions, with glittering protective charms keeping her from falling. James stood at the counter, making what looked like a bowl of porridge and talking to Dora.

“Lots of people say porridge is disgusting, Dora, and you know I used to believe them, but it’s really all a matter of what you put in it. Cinnamon sugar, for example, makes everything better– oh!” James turned and startled, catching sight of Teddy in the doorway. “You’re up!”

Teddy shuffled, feeling awkward in his pyjamas. James was in his pyjamas too, of course, but he looked fresh and cool, and unlike Teddy, hadn’t been caught crying in the middle of the night. “Yeah,” he said.

James smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you,” he said. “I came downstairs and Dora woke up when she heard me, but you were still asleep, and you looked so tired last night, I figured I could keep her occupied for a few hours so you could get more rest.

Teddy blinked at him. “What time is it?”

“Almost nine, I think?”

Teddy hadn’t slept in so late since his second trimester, and despite the stiffness in his shoulders from half a night spent on the sofa, he felt surprisingly well-rested.

Dora had turned and noticed him, and was straining to reach him. Teddy’s heart turned over for a moment, but James’s spells held, and she pouted when she couldn’t get to him.

“Good morning, baby girl,” Teddy said, reaching for her and lifting her up. The sparkling web of spells stayed in place even once she was gone, and Teddy smiled at James, impressed. “That’s some nifty spellwork.”

James shrugged. “I’ll stop by Louis’s tomorrow to see about borrowing that furniture, I know it’s easier, but in the meantime, thank goodness for magic, right?” He laughed. “Adrianna wouldn’t let me babysit until I learned how to do everything the magic and the Muggle way. It comes in handy.” At Teddy’s blank look, he explained “Louis’s wife.”

“Right.” Teddy rubbed a hand up and down Dora’s back and pressed a kiss into her hair – a bright pink this morning that Teddy hadn’t seen before. He vaguely remembered an Adrianna who’d been in Ravenclaw, the year above James. “Thanks for watching her.”

James smiled. “It was no trouble. She’s pretty chill, for a seven-month-old. Of course, there’s a limit on how chill any baby can be.”

Teddy had to laugh at that. It was true – Dora was a calm baby, but even that left him exhausted. “The time difference has messed up her routine a lot,” he explained.

“I’m sure,” James said. He was fixing himself a mug of tea. “I hope I didn’t overstep, by watching her,” he said. “I would have asked, but you looked like you could use the rest.”

“It’s fine,” he said, surprised to find he meant it. Even though he’d spent what felt like every moment since Dora was born hyper-aware of her location, even though he’d once snapped at an elderly Muggle in New York who’d asked her name, he wasn’t at all bothered by James watching Dora. He would have trusted him to do it even without knowing about his arsenal of fancy childcare spellwork.

James watched him, a calculating look on his face. Teddy’s cheeks grew hot with embarrassment, and he tucked his face behind Dora’s to hide it. At least he didn’t have to worry about his hair giving him away anymore, he thought, ignoring the pain that caused. He hadn’t been able to morph since the second month of his pregnancy.

That had been the first sign that had made him stop, pause. Go himself to a Healer.

_Congratulations, Mr. Lupin!_

And Teddy had stared, wondering what he had done to be congratulated for.

He shook himself. James frowned at him over his mug. “I can keep watching her, if you want to go shower,” he said.

“What?”

“Dora. I can put her back in the chair, and feed her breakfast if you tell me what she likes, if you want to go shower and get dressed. I’ve got to head out in an hour or so, but it won’t take me long to get ready.”

“Oh.” The offer was unexpected. Teddy usually showered with the bathroom door open and a monitor charm set, and more than once he’d run out half-washed and soaking to see why Dora was crying.

James grinned. “Go. I don’t mind. But tell me how to do her breakfast, first.”

Teddy got out Dora’s food, and tried to show James how to prepare it, but James waved him off.

“I’ve got it from here. Go enjoy your shower.”

And Teddy _did._ He stood under the hot spray for long minutes, letting it flatten his hair and drip over his face, then turned and sighed in happiness at the warmth on his tight muscles. He washed efficiently but took the time to towel dry his hair and find his favorite shirt, not just the nearest one that was clean. When he returned to the kitchen, James was sitting next to a feisty Dora, who was leaning away from him as he tried to wipe her face. She kicked against the pillows she sat on; she found this to be a fun game, and from the smile on his face, James did too. Dora’s food was gone, save what was smeared across her bib and face, while James’s porridge was barely touched.

“I can do that,” Teddy offered. There was no place left for him to sit until James Summoned a stool from the living room. “Sorry my kitchen’s so shi– small,” he said, standing to give Teddy his chair, but Teddy waved him off and sat on the stool instead. He finished cleaning Dora’s face while James tucked into his porridge.

“It’s nice, though. I like it. The view’s lovely,” Teddy said. It was true – the windows opened onto the back garden, which was green and brown now but no doubt would be a riot of color in another month.

“Thanks,” James said, grinning. “D’you want me to fix you anything?”

“No, I can get it,” Teddy said. Truthfully he often didn’t eat breakfast anymore, but he didn’t want to worry James.

“Suit yourself,” James said, standing and bringing his bowl to the sink. “I’ve got to get ready to go, but I should be back around one, two at the latest, if you need anything.”

Teddy nodded. “James?” he said. James turned to look at him. “Why are you having lunch with your father and Draco Malfoy?”

James blinked at him. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He tilted his head. “Did you not hear?”

Teddy’s stomach dropped. “Hear what?”

“Mum and Dad broke up the year after you left – was that not in the papers wherever you were?”

Teddy swallowed. He hadn’t read the papers that first year, too afraid of what he might see – perhaps for good reason.

James was continuing, ignorant of Teddy’s internal struggle. “Anyway, Dad and Draco have been together for six years now? Seven?” He shrugged. “It was weird at first, but they’re really happy. You’ll be able to tell when you see them.” He frowned. “If you see them. That wasn’t – I’m not trying to pressure you.”

Teddy’s mouth was dry. “I know,” he said. Then, “Albus and Scorpius must have been happy that they were finally getting along.”

James laughed. “Not really, no. I think Al didn’t speak to Dad for a month when he found out.”

Teddy frowned. That was odd.

James stopped in the doorway. “You alright, Teddy?”

“Yeah! Yes. Fine.” He nodded. “Thanks again for watching Dora.”

“’Course.” James smiled. “Anytime, Teddy.”


	3. Chapter Three

** Chapter Three **

James Apparated into the front garden of his dad and Draco’s house with a lot on his mind. Sometimes having Teddy around felt like old times, even with the addition of Dora. It was easy to fall into familiar patterns and forget that Teddy’d been gone so long. But then he would do something like not know that Harry had been dating Draco Malfoy since Al and Scorpius were still in Hogwarts, and it was like a bucket of ice water being dumped on James’s head, the reminder of how much Teddy hadn’t been there for.

James shook his head. No use thinking about that now – he didn’t want to give his dad more reason to worry about him, after all. Walking into the house frowning would not help his case.

He plastered a smile on his face and knocked on the door. The house was modest in size, enough room that family could come visit but not too much space for two people. The two spare bedrooms spent most of the year as Harry and Draco’s home offices, and the first floor was taken up with a spacious sitting room and open-plan kitchen.

“James!” His dad greeted him with a hug as he opened the door. “Come in, come in. The others are already here.”

“The others?” James asked. He’d owled last night about coming over for lunch, assuming he would be the only guest.

“Albus and Scorpius dropped by this morning and decided to stay for lunch,” Harry said, grinning. His dad loved it when the kids stopped by, James knew; it had been a rough few years after his divorce, and he was grateful that their family had come out whole on the other side, and that his kids had embraced Draco Malfoy as their sort-of stepdad.

James was thankful their family had stayed strong too, but just once he wished his little brother would have _minded his own business._

“Great!” he said, hanging his coat on the rack as his dad went towards the kitchen.

Albus and Scorpius were sitting on the sofa, Al’s arm around Scorpius’s and their heads bent close together as they whispered. They both looked up when he sat on the sofa opposite him.

James glanced back to make sure their dads were occupied in the kitchen before he leaned forward and hissed at Albus. “Did you tell Scorpius?”

“Tell Scorpius what?” Albus asked, while Scorpius rolled his eyes. “Obviously he told me.”

“What the fuck, Scor!”

“He wasn’t going to believe you anyway, you’re a terrible liar.” Scorpius grinned. “And we tell each other everything.”

“Dammit.” James slumped back into the cushions. “You’re useless.”

“In my defense, I _tried_ not to tell him,” Albus said.

James glared at him. “You _tried._ ”

“I bribed him to tell me,” Scorpius said nonchalantly, and Albus colored.

“Scorpius!”

“No, stop, I don’t want to know,” James said. “God, you’re the worst. I should have known you’d tell Scorpius, but you _cannot_ tell Dad or Draco, okay? Promise me.”

Albus raised his hand in a _calm down_ gesture. “I won’t! I promise.”

“Scorpius?”

“Obviously,” Scorpius said, frowning. “I won’t say anything. Is he–”

“Tea, James?” Draco stuck his head out from the kitchen door.

“Just juice for me, thanks!” James said. Draco ducked back into the kitchen, and Scorpius continued like he hadn’t been interrupted.

“Is he different? I mean, do you have any idea yet why he left?”

“No, and no.” He sighed. “I mean, he’s different, obviously. He has a kid, for fuck’s sake. But he doesn’t _seem_ different. If that makes sense?”

Al and Scorp both looked at him blankly so he guessed it didn’t make sense.

James was saved from having to explain by Harry calling them into the dining room.

There was a quiche in the center of the table, next to a salad topped with walnuts and strawberries. His dad was already sitting at the head of the table, Draco to his right, and James took the next seat while Albus and Scorpius settled down on the other side.

The food was delicious, of course, and the conversation followed the normal topics. Each of the boys were interrogated, in turn, about their respective occupations – Scorpius about his Healer training, and Albus about his freelancing, and James about his thesis progress. (“Oh, you know, it’s coming along,” he said, ignoring that he hadn’t made progress since Wednesday.) Everything was delightfully normal in a way James hadn’t realized he needed until they finished eating and Draco spelled all their dishes into the kitchen, then clapped his hands together and asked, “Cake?”

Except the way he said it wasn’t a question to the table about whether they’d like some, but rather a glance at Harry, as though he was asking his permission for some reason.

Then his dad said, “No, I think I’d better talk to them about this first,” and James’s heart sank. 

“Talk to us about what?” Albus asked, eyes flitting between James and their dad. “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing bad,” Harry said, in his reassuring voice, the one that wasn’t at all reassuring because it sent James hurtling back to every other time he’d heard it used, which was a list that neatly overlapped with some of the worst moments of his life. “The thing is–” He sighed. “I guess I should just say it. I think Teddy may be back in England.”

James’s jaw dropped. He could feel Al’s eyes boring into the side of his face and prayed their dad didn’t notice. At the lack of response to his announcement, Harry frowned.

Scorpius cleared his throat. “Back in England? What makes you think so?” A sharp kick to his shin from Scorpius’s square-toed boot had James snapping his mouth shut.

Harry sighed again. “Well, after everything that happened...you know I tried to track Teddy down.”

James and Albus nodded. This was common knowledge; their letters from home had included updates on the search for Teddy for the rest of the term after he’d left, even though they never turned up anything fruitful.

“And I couldn’t,” Harry continued. “I thought he must have used Muggle transportation, or taken a Portkey from France, because there was no record of him leaving the UK via wizarding means. But I asked one of my informants in the international travel office to let me know if he ever came _back._ ” He rubbed the back of his neck, working his fingers into the muscles as though they ached. “I didn’t expect anything from it – I mean, I hoped I’d hear something at first, but after all these years, and when he didn’t go through the office the first time...I never expected to hear anything. But I did.” He took a deep breath. “According to my informant, Teddy took an international Portkey into England this past Wednesday.”

James’s ears rang. Only after another foot hit his leg did he realize he should be reacting with shock, the way Albus and Scorpius were.

“No way, Dad,” he said, and the words were dull and stale, but Al and Scorpius must have feigned surprise better than James because Harry nodded.

“It may not mean anything – he could just be passing through. Or it might not even be him. But I wanted to give you a heads up and to ask...James, Albus, he hasn’t tried to contact either of you, has he?”

“He hasn’t contacted me,” Albus said. James imagined an emphasis on the last word.

His throat felt so dry. He took a sip of his water. “No, I haven’t heard from him either.”

Harry sighed. “I guess I didn’t really expect him to make contact with anyone, but, you know.” He gave a sad smile. “I had to ask.”

Draco reached out and squeezed Harry’s hand, and James burned with guilt.

“Help me with dessert?” Draco asked, and Harry followed him into the kitchen.

Albus immediately threw up a _Muffliato._

“James, what the fuck!”

“Teddy asked me not to tell anyone he was here, you know that!”

“Not telling anyone he’s here, okay, fine, but there’s a difference between withholding information and straight-up _lying to Dad!_ ”

James opened his mouth to reply, but Scorpius hissed “Both of you, shut up!” and cancelled the _Muffliato_ in time for Harry to come back into the kitchen hovering their plates in front of him. Draco, behind him, was carrying his and Harry’s.

Draco quirked a smile at his son, then let his eyes roam over Albus and James. “Everything alright in here?”

“Fine,” Scorpius chirped. “Just dandy.”

“Yeah, we were talking about how Teddy might be back. That would be so weird, right?”

“Albus,” James muttered.

“Weird, yeah,” Harry said. “Well, I hope wherever Teddy is, he’s safe and happy.”

James hummed his agreement and tucked into his cake, ignoring Albus glaring at him every time their dad turned away for the rest of the meal.

***

The house was empty when James got home. It had been the usual state of his house for the three years he’d lived there, yet somehow after only a few days of coming home to Teddy and Dora, it felt odd.

Not that he was coming _home_ to Teddy, James reminded himself. It was his home. Teddy and Dora were staying with him temporarily. It was a state of affairs that seemed even more tenuous after his conversation with his dad – Teddy would have to tell everyone else he was back at some point, and when he did, James would bear the brunt of their anger, no doubt about that.

He should get some reading done while the house was quiet, so James pulled out one of his new books and settled down on the sofa. He didn’t mind that he’d only made it through one chapter when he heard Teddy’s key in the door.

Teddy was holding two brown Primark bags and had Dora in a carrier on his chest. When she noticed James, she threw her little arms out, kicking her legs where they hung from the carrier. Teddy laughed at her reaction, closing the door behind himself.

“We did a little shopping,” Teddy said, holding up the bags. “I didn’t realize how much of her clothing she’s outgrown.” He sent the bags flying up to his room, then went about unbuckling Dora. Her little cardigan was removed, as were her hat – covering hair that was black and white stripes – and her socks. James had folded her fleecey blanket over the edge of the couch, and Teddy placed it on the floor and gently lay Dora on it before he took off the carrier. She immediately pulled her foot into her mouth, looking up at James’s upside-down as she sucked on her toes. Her eyes were mismatched today, one green and one blue, and James laughed as he noticed it.

“You didn’t get any strange comments about her eyes?”

Teddy shook his head. “If I can keep her hair covered and stop her from pulling off her hat in public, I call it a win.” He took off his own shoes and coat and sat on the other end of the sofa, watching Dora kick her free leg as she rolled onto her side.

“It must be hard, taking her out in public.”

Teddy’s face shuttered. “Yeah. I guess I didn’t do it much before.” He cleared his throat. “So, how was lunch with Harry and Draco?”

James rolled his eyes. “Ugh, fine. Albus and Scorpius ambushed me, but I should have been expecting it.”

“Ambushed you? What do you mean?”

“Just–” James stopped himself before he launched into a full-scale rant. It would be inappropriate to complain to Teddy about how difficult having him here was making James’s life. “Siblings, you know.” He sighed, dropping his head onto the back of the sofa. “Dad asked if I’d heard from you.”

“What? Why?” Teddy sounded a little panicked.

“Heard from his contacts in international travel that you’d Portkeyed back into England. Don’t worry, I lied, I said I hadn’t.” The words were sour in his mouth.

Teddy’s nervous energy was tangible. “Was he. I mean – had they–”

“He doesn’t know anything, Teddy.” James sighed, heavy. “Al and Scorpius didn’t say anything, and I don’t think Dad knows about Dora.” He tilted his head to look at him. “But you can’t hide from them forever. You know that right?”

Teddy looked like he was considering what to say, but James soldiered on, the words falling out of his mouth. “I’m not going to tell anyone you’re here, but I can’t lie forever. And they’ll figure it out eventually – people visit me, you know.”

“I’m not trying to hide forever,” Teddy said. “But I – I’m not ready for everyone to know I’m here yet, James. I need some more time.”

James suppressed a sigh. “Alright.” Teddy had been so skittish, James didn’t want to push him, but he knew that the coming week would only bring more situations in which he’d have to lie to protect Teddy.

He had no problem with protecting Teddy, but James hated lying. Especially to his dad.

“How was shopping?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

Dora burbled, letting go of her foot and whimpering. Her little feet _thump, thumped_ against the blanket as Teddy Summoned her dummy and leaned down to give it to her.

“Here you go, Dor,” he said, smiling down at her, before bringing his eyes back to James. “It was nice. We took a walk through the park, before – Dora really liked the pigeons.”

“The park a few streets over?” James asked. Teddy nodded. “That’s a great spot,” James said. “A lot of times when I’m spending the day at home writing, I’ll walk over for lunch so I can get fresh air and a change of scenery.”

“It’s convenient,” Teddy agreed. “I’ll have to take Dora there more often, she hasn’t seen much like it before.”

“I suppose there’s not as much outdoor space in New York as there is in London?”

Teddy frowned. “No, I mean– Central Park is the big one, but there are other spots you can go to.”

“Did you not live near any parks, then?”

Teddy’s face twisted. “No. It’s just – being at home with a newborn, it’s not as easy to go out and get to the park as you might think.”

There was something in Teddy’s voice that made James think there was more that he wasn’t letting on, but he didn’t want to argue, and the statement seemed to brook no response – James had never cared for a newborn, so what could he say?

“Maybe we could all go over tomorrow,” was what came out of his mouth instead, and he was about to backtrack – it had been a bad suggestion – when Teddy smiled.

“That would be nice.”

***

“I don’t mean to pry,” Louis said, as he re-shrunk the cot after showing James how to set it up, “and you don’t have to answer, obviously, but why the sudden interest in our old baby stuff? I know you didn’t get some witch pregnant.”

“Wizards can get pregnant too,” James reminded him, holding open the cot box as Louis slid it inside.

He rolled his eyes. “I know that,” he said. “But I assume if you were dating someone seriously enough that they started on a course of fertility potions, I’d find out before you came around looking for hand-me-downs.” He crossed his arms across his chest. “What gives?”

“You cannot tell _anyone,_ ” James said.

Louis raised his eyebrows. “Fuck, Jamie. Did you actually knock someone up?”

“Merlin, _no,_ Louis. But this is...I wasn’t going to tell Lily and Al but they found out, so now Scorpius knows too, and I shouldn’t be telling anyone else so you _have_ to keep this a secret, okay? Even from Dom and Victoire, and Adrianna.”

“For fuck’s sake, James, you’re scaring me – tell me what’s going on!”

James took a deep breath. “Teddy’s back,” he said. “And he has a kid.”

Louis blinked at him in shock. “Fuck me.”

“I know.” James sighed. “Showed up at my door last week with his daughter. Asked to stay for a while, for me not to tell anyone.”

“How’d Al and Lils find out then?”

“Surprised me by coming over for dinner.” James shook his head. “They were both really angry – Lily especially. We had a row about it.”

“Fuck, James,” Louis said. “How long do you think he wants to stay?”

James shrugged. “I don’t fucking know. We’ve barely talked about anything. I don’t even know what he does during the day with Dora when I’m at uni – takes her to the park?”

“You’re getting the cot for him, though,” Louis said. James nodded. “James, won’t that make the whole arrangement more...permanent?”

That drew James up short. He hadn’t thought about it before, but now that Louis had pointed it out.. “I guess you’re right,” he admitted. “I mean, it’s not like I mind.”

Louis’s eyebrows climbed into his fringe again. His hair was a more dirty blond than either of his sisters, and he wore it messier now that he had a kid than he ever had when they were teenagers. “You don’t mind Teddy and his...how old is his– daughter, you said?”

“Seven months.”

“You’re telling me you don’t mind Teddy and his seven-month-old living with you?”

Louis’s voice, incredulous, almost accusing, made James feel self-conscious.

“I mind it that no one knows he’s back,” James said. “I don’t like lying to my dad. But I don’t mind the company.”

“And you won’t mind that there’s a crying baby in the guest room the next time you try to pull?”

James frowned. “Why are you so stuck on that part of it? You didn’t even ask me where Teddy had been.”

“I know you and Teddy,” Louis said. “I’m just worried he’s taking advantage of you.”

“He’s not– he’s not taking advantage of me,” James said, getting angry – a feeling he didn’t experience often with Louis. “If you’d seen how he looked when he knocked on my door… you wouldn’t be saying that. I don’t know what was going on for him in the States, but it seems like it wasn’t great. Best I can tell he spent all his time with his daughter, and that’s all he’s done since he got here too.”

Louis raised his hands, relenting. “Alright, I’m sorry.”

James sighed, annoyance still prickling under his skin. “It’s fine.”

“You were so upset when he left, James.”

“I remember.”

“Everyone was.”

James took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “I know, Louis. I remember. And I know that you and...and everyone, have a right to be angry and wary. But I think he’s been through some shit, Louis, and it makes it hard to be mad at him.”

Louis sat down on the couch, gesturing for James to join him, but James remained standing. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, things he says...he seems jumpy, sometimes. And I know that being a parent is time consuming, but he seems more consumed by it than you and Adrianna.”

“Having a seven-month-old is different than having a three-year-old,” Louis said.

“I know. Even given that.”

“Hmm.” Louis frowned. “Do you know if he had a partner, wherever he was?”

James shook his head. “He hasn’t mentioned anyone.”

“That’s probably it, then – if he’s been the only one taking care of the baby, obviously it’s a bigger thing. I don’t know what I would have done that first year, if I didn’t have nights every so often where Adrianna watched Maddy so I could go out with friends, or we left her with one of her parents and had a date night. I know she felt the same way.”

“Yeah, I got Dora up the other day so Teddy could sleep in, and I reckon it was the first time he’d been able to in months.”

“Well, if you say you don’t mind them living with you, you should probably get used to that kind of thing,” Louis said.

James knew that he meant it as a warning, but all it did was spark an idea.

***

When James floated the idea with Teddy – babysitting Dora for an evening so Teddy could have a night to himself – Teddy was confused and wary. James remembered how shocked Teddy’d been the morning he walked into the kitchen and found James watching Dora, and worried that he really had overstepped this time, but when James tried to take it back, apologizing, Teddy shook his head.

“No, I– I’m not saying no. And I appreciate the offer,” he’d said, earnest. “Let me think about it?”

A few days later, when James asked if he’d thought about it anymore, Teddy frowned, almost a grimace, and shook his head. “I have, but – what would I even do?” he asked, sounding more lost than James could ever remember. In James’s memories, Teddy was outgoing and charismatic, honest but tactful, and never doubted his decisions. He wasn’t like that anymore.

“I dunno,” James said. “Go out to dinner? Go see a film? You can stay here and nap if you want, and I won’t let her bother you.”

“A film,” Teddy said. “I don’t know what’s playing.”

James had to roll his eyes at that. “Well, you can look it up,” he said. “You don’t have to make excuses if you want to tell me no; I won’t be offended.”

That seemed to shock Teddy, and he shook his head. “That’s not it,” he said, then, as if forcing the words out, “in fact, I’m taking you up on the offer.”

Which was how James found himself here: nodding as Teddy explained to him where all of Dora’s things were for the second time. In Teddy’s arms, Dora played with the collar of his shirt, by far the nicest thing James had seen him wear since his arrival. Downstairs, he could hear Lily banging away in the kitchen – it had been easy enough to convince her to come over and keep him company while he babysat, although she’d scowled mightily at Teddy when their paths crossed in the living room.

“And you have my number,” Teddy said. “And I’ve got this.” He patted his pocket, where a charmed Galleon sat; it would get hot if James cast the necessary charm at the twin to it that he was keeping.

“We’ll be fine, Teddy,” James reassured him. “Dora likes me, don’t you?” He tickled her chin, and she babbled. “I’ve babysat Maddy plenty of times, and I have Lily here to help – and you’re only going to be gone a couple hours.”

“Right,” Teddy said.

James held out his arms. “Give her here, then. She’s already messed up your shirt.”

Reluctantly, Teddy passed over Dora, and James rested her against his side, smiling when she immediately grabbed at the pocket on his t-shirt.

“Oh, she did,” Teddy said, glancing in the guest room mirror.

James watched as he cast an ironing spell at the collar. “So what are you going to do on your big night out?”

“I don’t know. Go get dinner, maybe see a movie, like you suggested.” Teddy laughed. “I’ll probably fall asleep if I do.”

“Enjoy yourself, Teddy,” James said. “You deserve a break.”

After Teddy left, Lily took over watching Dora while James finished preparing their dinner – Dora had already eaten and it would soon be time to put her to bed. James was glad he’d convinced Lily to come over and keep him company while he babysat – although she was still glaring at Teddy every time she saw him, Lily was a sucker for little kids, and James knew she’d take to Dora like a Niffler to gold as soon as she spent time with Teddy’s daughter.

In fact, Lily insisted that they postpone Dora’s bedtime ‘til after they ate, balancing her on her lap and keeping up a running conversation with the baby as she and James ate their pasta. Dora happily settled down in her new cot a half an hour later after James had bathed her and put her in her pyjamas, and he and Lily did the dishes and got halfway through the movie they were watching before Dora screamed.

They were not the whimpers of a child having a nightmare, or the wails of a baby who’d woken up surprised to be alone in the room. She _screamed,_ at the top of her seven-month-old lungs, and James had to cancel the monitor charm because the doubled reverberations were already giving him a headache.

“What the fuck?” Lily said, clamping her hands over her ears.

“Something’s wrong,” James said, heading for the stairs. “She’s never done this before.” He burst into the guest room half-expecting to see an intruder standing over the cot, but no, it was just Dora, kicking at the bars of her cot, eyes swimming with tears as she howled.

“It’s alright, it’s alright,” James said, swooping in to pick her up. The noise did not abate. He patted her bottom – dry – and cast the charm to confirm that her nappy was still clean. Grabbing her dummy off the chest of drawers, he re-positioned her in his arms and tried to get her to take it, but she scrunched up her face and turned her head away, continuing to cry and cry.

James turned to see Lily watching him from the doorway, arms crossed and forehead creased with concern. “She’s never done this before,” he said, desperately. “I don’t know what to do!”

“We should call Teddy,” Lily said.

James wanted to protest it was too early, that he’d said Teddy could have an evening to himself and he’d meant it, but then he caught sight of the clock on the bedside table – it was just past ten o’clock. “I didn’t realize it was so late,” he said.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Trust Teddy to run off and leave us with the sprog all night,” she said, then raised her hands in supplication when James glared. “Sorry, sorry! But you have to admit, you thought he’d be back by now.”

James rubbed a hand up and down Dora’s back – her screams were quieter now, but only because she’d lost some of her earlier strength, not because she was any less distressed.

“He probably he lost track of time,” James said. “I’ll call him now.”

Lily lifted Dora out of James’s arms, bouncing her gently as she headed down the stairs. James trailed behind, pulling out his mobile and dialing Teddy’s newly-added number. It rang and rang as Dora cried, before it stopped and there was an American voice James didn’t recognize.

“You’ve reached Teddy’s phone – leave a message after the tone!”

The phone beeped, and James pressed it hard against his ear. “Hi, Teddy, sorry to bother you – Dora just woke up really upset and Lily and I are trying to calm her down, but I don’t know what’s wrong. It’s probably a good idea for you to come home soon...we’ll try to get this sorted out though. I’m going to try the coin next. Bye.”

He trudged down the stairs. Lily cradled Dora in her arms and attempted to rock her, but the baby was still hiccuping and crying, working herself up. Her hair had been a soft brown when they put her to bed, but it was now an angry red.

“I tried to give her a bottle but she wouldn’t take it,” Lily said. “Any luck reaching Teddy?”

James shook his head. “I left a message. I gave him one of Uncle George’s Connection Coins too…” Pulling it out of his pocket, James cast the charm, watching as it glowed warm red and hoping that wherever Teddy was, he would feel the charm heating in his pocket.

“Maybe she’s teething,” Lily said. “She’s at that age, isn’t she? Seven months?”

“I think so, but that isn’t something that comes on suddenly – wouldn’t Teddy have told us?”

“I don’t know, James, I’m just hypothesizing here!” Lily snapped. Dora’s wails, which had started to taper off, reached a higher pitch. “Isn’t there a spell for soothing teething babies? Mum would know what it is–”

“We can’t Floo Mum!” James interrupted. “You know she wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret from Dad, and Teddy–”

“Doesn’t want anyone to know he’s back yet, I know, you’ve _said,_ but somehow I’m less concerned about what Teddy wants since he’s not answering his mobile right now!”

Dora screamed, squirming violently, and James reached out to take her back from Lily. He rested her head on his shoulder, ignoring the combination of snot and tears that dampened his shirt.

Lily stomped towards James’s fireplace, grabbing a handful of Floo powder and throwing it in.

“Lily, don’t you dare–”

“I’m not Flooing Mum!”

She knelt and stuck her head in the Floo as James dug his mobile out of his pocket one-handed, dialing Teddy. As it rang, he bounced Dora, and her screams tapered off into sniffles while it went to voicemail and James left another quick message. As he hung up the phone and the fireplace _whooshed,_ however, she started crying again.

James looked up to see Helen and Lys exciting the Floo and breathed a sigh of relief. Helen was in training to be a Pediatric Healer – how could he have forgotten?

Helen came to James, holding out her arms, and he transferred Dora into them. She gave both James and Lily a wary look as she sat on the couch, settling Dora onto her lap.

“I recognize that this is an emergency situation, but I am going to need an explanation at some point on who this baby belongs to,” she said, before turning her attention to Dora. “Well hello there my darling, and what is your name?” she asked, pushing Dora’s hair – now black – out of her face with one hand.

“Dora,” James murmured. The looks he got from both Helen and Lys made it clear that the baby’s name – and her obvious Metamorphmagus abilities – hadn’t gone unrecognized, but he was thankful they decided not to interrogate him at that moment. He felt strung out, exhausted and hyper-aware all at once, although a glance at his watch told him it had been less than half an hour since Dora had woken up.

“Hello Dora,” Helen continued, her voice soft and light. “Now sweetheart, I’m just going to cast a few diagnostic spells on you, to see if I can figure out what’s making you so upset, alright my sweet?” She pulled out her wand and cast a few incantations, only one of which James recognized – the nappy-checking spell he’d performed hearlier. Behind the couch, Lys had come up beside Lily and slid their arm around her waist. James, watching from the other side of the room, felt very alone.

“All clear,” Helen continued, speaking to Dora but for the benefit of the other adults in the room. “I wonder what’s upsetting you, little one. Are we teething?” Dora had calmed down, her eyes trained on Helen, and she didn’t protest as Helen gently slid a finger into her mouth, feeling along her gums.

“No, I don’t feel any teeth,” Helen said. She looked towards Lily, then James, clearly at a loss. “Nothing’s physically wrong with her,” she said, “but it’s hard to know with infants what might be setting them off…”

“She probably misses her dad,” James said. “I bet it spooked her to wake up without him there.”

Lily nodded her assent, for once refraining from making a snide remark about Teddy. “Probably,” she agreed. “Thanks for coming to check anyway, Bells.”

“Of course,” Helen said. She stood carefully, cradling Dora into her chest. Dora’s eyes were fluttering shut, her breathing going even. “Do you want us to stay, in case she gets upset again?”

James shook his head. “No, you all should go home and enjoy your night. Lily, you can go too if you want – I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure, James?” Lily asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. Teddy’ll be home soon anyway, I’m sure.” Belatedly, he realized he’d given Teddy’s identity away; Lys raised their eyebrows, but Helen’s expression didn’t change.

“Alright,” she said, passing Dora to James. Dora snuffled but didn’t wake up, and James let himself breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe she was falling back asleep.

He said his goodbyes to Lily and her partners, watching them go back through the Floo, and sank down onto the sofa in relief.

Which was when Dora raised her head and screamed again.


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

Teddy couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a night out by himself.

It felt like he’d spent every hour since Dora was born in her presence, but even before that, he was hard pressed to remember the last time he’d had an evening free and no one he had to spend it with. He hadn’t gone out much during his pregnancy, for obvious reasons, and before that he’d always gone clubbing with Michael because he pitched a fit if Teddy went alone or with his friends. Even before Michael, Teddy hadn’t preferred to spend much time by himself, but he reasoned that it must have been one of those nights, in the months between Evan and Michael, when he’d last had the freedom of an evening to spend in whatever way he chose.

It had been so long, Teddy hardly knew what to do with himself.

He felt silly getting ready, putting on the only nice shirt he’d brought from New York. It wasn’t like he had plans to go anywhere nice, but he wanted to take the opportunity to wear something besides his stay-at-home dad uniform of joggers and whatever t-shirt was cleanest.

Leaving Dora in James’s arms was hard, but Teddy trusted James. Had trusted James, and was somewhat surprised to find that he did still, even when James was frowny and grouchy and harboring feelings of resentment. There was a reason it had been James’s house he asked the Knight Bus driver to take him too, rather than Victoire’s or Harry’s or his grandmother’s. He knew that James would be there for him, the same way Teddy would have been there for James, if he’d somehow ever shown up at Teddy’s door in New York. And Teddy had been right.

He wandered out of James’s house and followed the path he had taken with Dora towards the shopping center the previous weekend. There was a Thai restaurant he’d seen that he wanted to try.

***

Teddy hadn’t planned on going into the club.

Of course he’d noticed it, the previous weekend, as he walked in the Sunday sunlight with his daughter on his chest. The dark doorway and rainbow flag were non-descript enough if you didn’t know what you were looking for; but Teddy had spent years of his life sleeping all day and partying all night, and it caught his attention instantly.

A gay bar.

It was one street over from the restaurant. When he wandered over there after finishing his meal, he told himself he was taking a walk. There was a cinema, too, and he thought about taking James’s advice and seeing a film but none of the posters caught his eye. He thought about going home, too, maybe taking a bath and then a nap, maybe watching a movie on James’s telly instead while Dora slept upstairs.

He joined the queue to get into the bar.

 _Just one drink,_ he told himself.

Inside was familiar. He was transported back to New York, to basement bars and neon lights on the dance floor, strangers’ hands on his body. Dancing all night, not a care in the world. A blowjob in the bathroom before he stumbled out into the morning to go home and sleep.

And the next night, he’d come back and do it all over again.

He took a seat at the bar.

“What can I get for you?”

The bartender’s voice startled him, although it shouldn’t have. He was an attractive bloke, maybe James’s age, leaning in towards Teddy with his elbows on the edge of the bar. It was crowded, busy; he didn’t need to be smiling at Teddy like he wanted to convince him to buy something.

He could have one drink.

“Bacardi and coke.”

The bartender smiled, turned away and came back sooner than Teddy expected, placing the drink in front of him. Teddy went for his wallet, but the other man stopped him, hand warm on Teddy’s arm through the thin fabric of his shirt.

“It’s on the house.”

The bartender winked. Teddy blushed.

It had been a while since that had happened, too. Stressed single fathers with spit-up on their shirts didn’t often get flirted with.

Standing and leaning back against the bar, Teddy took a drink. The sweet burn of the rum was familiar, even though it had been months since Teddy’d had any alcohol.

He contented himself with watching the crowd on the dance floor, nursing his cocktail – one drink, _one drink_ – until he felt a presence beside him.

Teddy turned. The man was a few inches taller than him, with dark skin and a closely-shaved beard. His eyes flicked down Teddy’s body, and he smiled. “Don’t tell me you’re here alone,” he said, voice low. “That would be an absolute travesty.”

Teddy raised an eyebrow. “I can lie to you, if you’d like.”

The man laughed, a pleasant sound, and nudged his arm into Teddy’s. His short-sleeved shirt left little to the imagination, and Teddy swallowed as his gaze traveled over the stranger’s musculature.

“Don’t lie to me,” he said. “Let me buy you another drink instead.”

One drink, Teddy had said, but it was barely nine o’clock, and it had been so long since he’d been out – what harm could a little more conversation do?

“Alright,” he agreed. He held out his hand. “I’m Teddy.”

The stranger smiled, taking Teddy’s hand in one of his own – large and so warm that Teddy had to suppress a shiver.

“Eric.”

***

Teddy pressed his fist against the wall, the shiny metal of the toilet cubicle cold against his cheek. Eric’s hands around his waist held his shirt up, his jeans and pants pooled around his ankles, but Teddy couldn’t care how much of a mess he looked because behind him – behind–

“So good,” Eric grunted, balls slapping Teddy’s arse as he thrust into him. “You’ve got such a sweet arse, you know that?”

Teddy moaned, pushing his hips back, trying to make space between his cock and the wall. He hoped Eric would take the hint and wank him, because as nice as this was, Teddy wasn’t going to come just from being fucked, but Eric only pulled Teddy further onto his cock, grinding into him as he muttered expletives under his breath. Teddy was panting, sweaty, not quite sure how he’d ended up here, but he tried to focus on the thick cock inside him, the familiar dance of fucking that his body knew how to do.

“Right there,” he gasped, as Eric brushed against his prostate, “like that, _like that._ ” Eric tried to mimic the thrust, he could tell, but his movements were limited by the cramped space; the only cubicle in the loo was a decent size, but had not been designed for two men to have sex in.

“I could fuck you all night,” Eric growled. “I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you, you take it so well…” He finally reached around to enclose Teddy’s prick in his fist – Merlin, his hands were _huge,_ they felt just as good as Teddy’d imagined – and Teddy moaned, throwing his head back and leaning his weight onto Eric. The other man’s thrusts were coming more irregularly now, and Teddy wrapped his own hand around Eric’s, guiding him to continue stroking through his orgasm. Eric bit down on Teddy’s shoulder as he moaned and groaned, and after he came he seemed to come back to himself, stroking Teddy with renewed vigor. Teddy planted his palms on the wall and thrust into Eric’s touch, spilling over his hand mere moments later.

Teddy closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to the cubicle wall as Eric pulled out, the sensation always unpleasant no matter how many times Teddy had experienced it. He heard the rustle of the toilet roll as Eric wiped off his hand, the _plink_ of the condom landing in the toilet – and he shouldn’t be flushing that, it would fuck up the plumbing, but Teddy wouldn’t say anything – and then the snap of fabric as he pulled up his pants and re-fastened his jeans.

Eric flushed the toilet and only then seemed to notice that Teddy hadn’t moved, still slumped against the side of the cubicle with his trousers around his ankles, his dirty cock lying spent against his thigh.

“Uh, Teddy?” Eric’s voice was unsure, his hand on Teddy’s shoulder hesitant. “You alright, mate?”

Teddy met his eyes, smiled. Despite his momentary lapse, he remembered how to do this part. “Fine. Just tired.” He let his eyelids lower, his expression become lusty. “You fucked me good.”

As he’d expected, Eric preened. He moved in for a kiss, but Teddy waved him off.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m just going to take a few minutes to get cleaned up,” he said. Eric left, closing the cubicle door behind him, and Teddy was blessedly, thankfully, alone.

In the bathroom cubicle by himself, he took out his wand to spell away the lube and come and sweat that was tacky on his skin. He glanced at his watch – it was almost half past ten. Later than he’d meant to stay out, yes, but still within a reasonable amount of time for a volunteer babysitter. He hoped James wouldn’t be mad at him, at least. Maybe if he lied and said he’d been at a film, James would be glad that Teddy’d taken his advice, instead of being annoyed…

He hoisted his jeans up and felt the Connection Coin burning in his right pocket.

Fuck. _Dora._

He groped around in his pocket, pulling it out to confirm – it was glowing a bright red, burning his hand, and Teddy’s stomach dropped as he wondered how long it had been since James activated it. He felt drunker, too drunk for the information in front of him, his stomach roiling with nausea at the thought that Dora was hurt, that James had tried to contact him and _Teddy wasn’t there._

Teddy wasn’t there because he was letting a stranger fuck him in the dirty loo of a Muggle club.

If something had happened to Dora, he would never forgive himself.

He leaned over and emptied his stomach into the toilet, the color an unfortunate reminder of how many cocktails he’d downed that night.

Teddy flushed and _Scourgified_ again, then fumbled his mobile out of his pocket with shaking hands. He had five missed calls from James, calls he hadn’t heard in the loud din of the music, hadn’t felt vibrating with his jeans around his ankles.

Shakily, Teddy unlocked the phone and played James’s most recent voicemail, from just a few minutes ago.

“I finally got Dora to sleep, hopefully she stays down this time…like I said, Helen couldn’t find anything wrong with her, so I guess she just...needs you.” Here he sighed, weary, and Teddy could hear the tamped-down frustration in his voice. “I don’t know where you are or why you aren’t getting my calls. Please come back when you get this. Thanks. See you.”

The one before that had Dora screaming in the background.

“Hi, Teddy – Lily got Helen to come over and she said there’s nothing wrong with Dora...we were thinking maybe she was teething? – I thought she’d calmed down but as soon as they left she started screaming again.” A particularly loud wail from his daughter, one that tugged at Teddy’s heart, and the soft murmurs of James trying to soothe her. “I think she misses you and I don’t know what else to do, she’s been up for almost an hour...please come back when you get this.”

With shaking fingers, he played the first voicemail. In it James still sounded kind, almost optimistic, like he knew Teddy would come solve the problem soon. It reminded him of James at fifteen, when Teddy had been able to solve problems instead of only creating them.

“Hi, Teddy, sorry to bother you – Dora just woke up really upset and Lily and I are trying to calm her down, but I don’t know what’s wrong. It’s probably a good idea for you to come home soon...we’ll try to get this sorted out though. I’m going to try the coin next. Bye.”

Teddy leaned back against the wall, his knees trembling. She was fine. Dora was _fine,_ that’s what James had said in his first message; there was nothing wrong with her, she was just upset because she woke up and Teddy wasn’t there. He took a deep breath. That was to be expected, he’d never spent the night away from her before, always at least in the next room to comfort her when she cried. That was why he’d meant to come back early, but of course he’d fucked up at that just like he had everything else about Dora’s life so far.

Deep breath in. Slow exhale out.

No matter. What was done was done; now Teddy needed to get back to his daughter.

And James. Merlin, he bet James was pissed off at him.

Gripping his wand, Teddy prepared to Apparate, only to be struck with another wave of nausea so intense he almost lost what was left in his stomach.

He supposed he’d be walking, instead.

***

It was almost eleven by the time Teddy climbed James’s front steps, digging out the spare key and inserting it into the lock. He’d started out power walking, but it was harder to maintain that pace while drunk, even with his heart beating in his chest, _make sure Dora’s alright. James will be mad,_ over and over on repeat.

He got the door unlocked on the second try and eased it open. The living room was dark and empty, or so he thought until he opened the door the rest of the way and saw James sitting on the far end of the couch. He had a book in his hands and his wand on the coffee table glowed with the pale lavender of the monitoring spell.

James looked up when he heard Teddy. Closed the book. Set it down.

“You’re back.”

Teddy closed the door behind him and swallowed, nervous, the taste of bile still at the back of his throat. He wanted to brush his teeth.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I didn’t–”

“What the _fuck,_ Teddy?” James’s voice was tight and controlled, but Teddy could sense the anger radiating off him; James picked up his wand and cast a one-sided Silencing Charm at the ceiling, blocking Dora from any noise they were about to make, and Teddy’s stomach dropped. He was in for it.

“Where _were_ you?” James said. “Where were you that you missed multiple calls and a burning charm in your fucking pocket?”

Teddy grimaced. “I went to see a movie?”

James’s eyes travelled over him – not pleasant, like Eric’s at the bar, but assessing and judgemental. “Really? You went to see a movie, didn’t hear your mobile ringing _five times,_ and came back reeking of booze and looking like that?” He nodded towards Teddy’s stained, untucked shirt and rumpled jeans.

“I went to a bar,” Teddy confessed in a rush. “Please, is Dora alright–”

“She’s fine,” James cut him off. “I finally got her to go back to sleep after about an hour and a half of screaming.” He crossed his arms, voice disdainful. “What were you doing at a bar that you didn’t hear your phone going off or feel the Connection Coin, Teddy?”

The summer before Teddy left, Albus had “borrowed” James’s favorite pair of Quidditch gloves without asking, then accidentally Vanished them. Teddy remembered, because he’d been at the Potters’ house for dinner when James had found out what happened. He’d screamed at Albus, Al giving back just as good as he got – _“This is why you SHOULDN’T TOUCH THINGS THAT AREN’T YOURS!” “It’s not like you don’t HAVE enough FUCKING QUIDDITCH THINGS ALREADY!”_ – and then stormed off to his room, locking the door and refusing to come downstairs to eat, while Al fumed at the table and Lily delighted in having the adults’ undivided attention. Although that argument had had more than a few shades of teenage angst and drama, it had also been very James; James had always felt his emotions strongly and not shied away from letting others know what they were. Teddy knew that James had grown up in the past ten years, but that had been something about James that he thought would never change.

Encountering James now, simmering with anger but speaking in an even tone, his body language contained, controlled, threw Teddy off more than he’d expected. He’d been ready for an all-out fight, a screaming match, for James to yell at him and berate him. He didn’t know how to handle this.

Nor did he know how to answer James’s question. _I had my trousers down to let a stranger fuck me in the loo, because I’ve no self control when it comes to falling back into old patterns, even though I’m a father now, oh and by the way did you know I’m gay?_

He’d taken too long to speak, because James answered his own question. “Never mind. I don’t want to know,” he said, a dark expression on his face. “Merlin, you reek.”

Teddy flushed. He didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

James shook his head. “It’s not that. I mean, it _is,_ but not only that. Look.” He sighed, rubbing his hands across his face. “Teddy. I don’t know what your life was like in the States. I don’t know how you ended up with Dora, or why you came back. I don’t know _any_ of that, but I’m trying to be the best friend I can be to you, even though–” He cut himself off. “It’s hard, having to keep this all a secret. I don’t like lying to Dad. I won’t like lying to Andromeda and Kingsley, whenever I see them next. I couldn’t even Floo my mum for help with Dora tonight…”

Teddy wet his lips. “I’m sorry…”

“No, I’m not– I don’t want you to apologize. I shouldn’t be dumping all of this on you now. It’s late, and you’re obviously not feeling great.” Another disparaging glance. “I’m just saying...this isn’t sustainable for me, and I’m betting it isn’t for you either. You need to talk about what happened, at some point, to someone. It doesn’t have to be me.”

James’s words were calm and straightforward, but they still made Teddy want to panic; he would have been spiraling if not for the lingering alcohol in his system, slowing his pulse, mellowing his thoughts.

“Thanks for watching her tonight.”

James’s face made a complicated expression. “Right. No problem.” He cancelled the Silencing spell with a wave of his wand. “You should probably shower before you go see her.”

Teddy wanted to bristle at being given parenting instructions by his younger godbrother, but he knew James was right, so he nodded and went up the stairs.

***

Teddy felt like shit as he carried a babbling Dora downstairs the following morning. James had left him a hangover potion by the bathroom sink – an act of kindness Teddy reckoned he didn’t deserve after the previous night – but while it took care of Teddy’s headache, it couldn’t erase the guilt and shame, or the dread of facing James again.

James was sitting at the kitchen table when Teddy entered, a plate of eggs and toast and _The Daily Prophet_ spread out ahead of him. Teddy was reminded of Harry, back when Teddy used to stay with him and Ginny on the weekends before their kids were born. He’d would come downstairs in the morning, slipping a little on the stairs in his footie pyjamas, and find Harry at the table nursing a mug of tea and reading the paper. Harry’s eyes always lit up when he noticed Teddy standing in the doorway, and he would scoop Teddy up and set him on the edge of the counter so Teddy could “help” him cook breakfast.

But James wasn’t Harry, and Teddy wasn’t a child anymore. He sat his own child in the high chair James had gotten from Louis, feeling James’s gaze on him as he went to the fridge to fetch Dora’s breakfast. James cleared his throat, his voice morning-raspy, and out of the corner of his eye Teddy saw him gesture to the counter.

“I made you a plate, if you’re hungry.”

Teddy looked up, surprised, as James levitated the plate over to the table. It must have been under a Warming Charm; the eggs were still steaming when James handed him a fork.

“Thanks.”

James nodded, returning to the paper, and Teddy let himself relax a fraction. He could get through this conversation if he didn’t have to do it on an empty stomach. Maybe.

The breakfast was good, even though half of it had gone cold by the time he ate it, as he was trying to balance feeding Dora with taking bites himself. As he finished his last bite of toast, Dora happily banging her plastic spoon against the tray of the high chair, James set down the paper.

“Look, Teddy. I was upset last night, and I realize I may have pushed you more than I should have. You deserve your privacy, and I didn’t mean for it to sound like you staying here was conditional on you telling me, or anything like that.” James sighed, sounding frustrated. “What I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. You can take as long as you need.”

Teddy took a shaky breath. “No, you were right,” he said. He’d spent a long time last night lying awake, mulling it over, listening to Dora’s even breathing as he remembered what James had said, and tried to figure out what he wanted to do. He could keep the secret, he knew – continue to lie by omission and push James away whenever he asked a question Teddy didn’t want to answer. But James had been very understanding about the whole thing, and Teddy did feel guilty that he’d put James in the position of lying to his family and friends.

And besides, now that he was home, Teddy found he did want to see all the people he’d pretended not to miss. When he’d been living in New York, far away from any reminders of his old life, it had been easier to convince himself that he didn’t care if he never saw his grandmother or the Potters ever again. But now, knowing they were just a Floo call away...it wouldn’t be fair to Dora to keep her from her family, not when Teddy knew first hand what that was like.

“Teddy–”

“I appreciate you saying I don’t have to tell you,” Teddy interrupted. “But you’ve been understanding – more than understanding, more than kind, by letting us stay here. And you were right; it’s not fair of me to make you lie to your dad and everyone. I just.” He let out a shaky laugh. “It’s hard. Can we got sit in the living room?”

“Of course,” James said.

Dora struggled when Teddy lifted her out of the highchair, but when she saw that he was bringing her towards her new play pen, she clapped her hands, giggling. Teddy put her down and went to sit on the sofa. He felt it dip when James sat next to him, but he didn’t turn to look, keeping his eyes on his daughter instead. It made it easier.

“I hated Auror Training,” he began. “I hated it. The pressure was intense, and the actual work didn’t interest me. It was all building up, had been for a while, the way I felt I needed to behave as Harry Potter’s godson. I left and went to the States because I felt...trapped. I needed to get out, and that seemed like the only way to do it.” He took a deep breath, because the next part was still the scariest to admit. “And I’d realized I was gay. It was…suffocating, not being able to tell anyone. Worrying that everyone would hate me once they find out.” He laughed, uncomfortable admitting it now. “I guess in hindsight that was stupid of me.”

“It’s not stupid,” James said, voice quiet but full of conviction.

Teddy darted a glance at him, nodding his thanks. “I went to New York,” he continued. “I could have joined the Aurors there, but I didn’t. I went to all the bars and clubs and burned through my savings in a year. I started going on the road with bands – mostly Muggle ones – because I didn’t have to pay rent while I was gone. It was all a blur. Living like how I thought you were supposed to in your twenties.” James was twenty-five and nothing like Teddy had been, but it wouldn’t be productive to dwell in that now. “Your dad is – he’s a footnote in U.S. magical history. No one I met there had any idea who I was, and I loved it. I reveled in it.” He took a deep breath. “And then I met Evan.”

On her play mat, Dora rolled herself over, and Teddy had to smile. Beside him, James made a small noise of consideration, and Teddy turned to face him.

“Is that...Dora’s other father?”

The words were ice in Teddy’s heart, but James couldn’t have known that. Fuck, how much better everything would have been if Dora were Evan’s.

“No,” Teddy said, voice strained. And then after a pause, “She’s mine, you know. I carried her. I gave birth to her.” He looked down, twisting his hands in his lap. He was still ashamed to admit it.

James, to his credit, made no outward reaction to this news. Teddy wondered if James had already surmised that, somehow, but before he could go down that train of thought, James hummed and gently prompted Teddy. “You met Evan?”

“Yes. A mutual friend introduced us. And he was… He was everything. Kind, smart, funny. I fell for him fast. We spent all of our time together. I thought things were headed somewhere, y’know?” He dug his thumbnail into the fleshy skin between thumb and forefinger. “But I had no real job, no prospects. I’d dropped out of Auror training here and done nothing worthwhile in New York. Evan said… he said he couldn’t be with someone who was so lazy. He had aspirations in the government and he wanted a partner who would be an asset. I wouldn’t have been. So he broke up with me.”

Even two years after the fact, it hurt. Teddy hated that it still hurt. After everything else, it seemed like some kind of cosmic joke, that such an inconsequential conversation still haunted Teddy’s memories.

“I’m sorry,” James said.

Teddy shook his head. “It’s fine.” A lie, but James – always kind – didn’t call him on it.

“I was rebounding hard,” he continued. “You could probably say something about how I reacted to Evan leaving by acting out with the same behaviors he found so obnoxious… I don’t know if it matters. The point is that I was not in a good place for a few months after that break-up. And unfortunately, that was when I met Michael.” Teddy continued before James could ask. “Dora’s other father.”

On the play mat, Dora began to fuss. When Teddy went to pick her up, she grabbed at his collar. Her nappy was dry, but she was puckering her face like she was about to cry.

“You just ate, sweetheart,” he said, repositioning her in his arms. “Are you thirsty? Do you want water?” He tried to set her down so he could get his wand out of his pocket, which set off another round of sniffling. James chuckled, and Teddy looked up to see James Summoning one of Dora’s beakers himself. He filled it with a quick _Aguamenti_ before handing it over.

“Thanks,” Teddy said, a little surprised. James settled back on the couch, and Teddy joined him, sitting Dora in his lap and letting her take little sips from the bottle.

He took a deep breath, running a hand through Dora’s hair – coral but fading back to sunflower yellow as she drank. “Metamorphmagus morphology is different than other witches and wizards’, obviously. We can change our outward appearance, but that can also involve changing the structures inside the body. If I make myself taller, it’s not just an illusion; I _am_ taller, and my bones and musculature have to change to support that. If I were undercover as a woman, and had to give myself breasts, there would be breast tissue and mammary glands and all of that anatomy, not just fat and skin. And sometimes that can happen without you realizing. Metamorphmagi don’t get sick very often because our biology can adjust to trick viruses and bacteria – like what your white blood cells might do, but on steroids.”

“That also means that male Metamorphmagi can get pregnant without the aid of the potions regimen that other wizards would need to go on. There’s no need to magically create a uterus or artificially alter our hormone levels; our biology will do that on it’s own. I knew that, and I’d been on a birth control potion since I left Hogwarts, but Michael didn’t.”

Teddy leaned forward to put the bottle on the coffee table. Dora’s eyelids were fluttering, and he knew he should put her down for a nap or risk a very tired baby later, but if he stopped now he’d never finish telling James this story. Nor did he think he’d be able to do it without Dora in his lap.

He resettled her in his arms, casting a localized _Muffliato_ so the sounds of their voices wouldn’t disturb her.

“Like I said, things with Michael moved fast. He seemed so into me, and I was just… glad to have someone be so into me, I guess. After Evan ended things… that was a big hit to my ego. I was almost thirty and didn’t have much going for me, but Michael didn’t seem to care. We were on vacation in Miami, and I got food poisoning. Michael went to a local apothecary to pick up something for the nausea. He didn’t know I was taking birth control so he didn’t check to see if any of the ingredients would impact it’s effectiveness, but they did, and nine months later…” He pulled Dora a little closer to his body, feeling protective. “Dora was born.”

She was sleeping so soundly in his arms. For as much as Teddy wished that his life hadn’t gone this way, he could never bring himself to regret her. Children had always been a maybe for him – a _someday,_ a _not right now._ He’d always worried about his ability to parent, after growing up an orphan, and he didn’t know if he’d have been brave enough to take that leap if the decision hadn’t been made for him.

He also didn’t know if he would have carried his own child, had that decision been left up to him. Pregnancy had been a hell and a half, especially the last four or five months when hiding the bump became impossible. New York’s magical and Muggle communities were far more integrated than London’s, and before his pregnancy Teddy’d been in the habit of shopping at Muggle stores frequented by wizards, eating in wizard-owned restaurants that opened their doors to everyone, and strolling the streets and parks whenever he felt like it. For the first few months after he found out about Dora, Teddy’d been able to continue as he had been, disguising the growing bump with loose clothing and Glamours.

But spring and summer in New York could be sweltering, and his bulky jumpers would have garnered just as much attention as his obvious pregnancy. Michael thought it wasn’t safe for him to Disillusion the bump in public, worried that people would run into him and hurt the baby they didn’t know he was carrying. There was no Diagon Alley in New York City, no side street only known to wizards were Teddy could have expected stares but no shock or horror, so he’d spent the summer locked up in their apartment, sweating through his clothes as Dora’s kicks grew stronger and stronger.

“Did Michael know?”

James’s question was a surprise to Teddy, lost as he’d been in his own recollection.

“What?”

“Did Michael know that you were pregnant? Did you tell him?”

“Yes,” Teddy said, confused by the question. How would he not have told Michael? “He was – we were living together by that point. He knew.”

Teddy remembered waiting in their bedroom for Michael to get home, watching the shadows travel further and further across the floor. He’d been too nervous to get up and turn on a light and also too stubborn, because when Teddy told him he had important news Michael had promised to be home by seven, and turning on the lights would have meant acknowledging that he was late. Teddy remembered saying the words, and bracing for impact; gathering his courage to look at Michael’s face, expecting to see rage there. Not love.

He didn’t say all of that to James.

“I thought he would be mad when I told him...we hadn’t been together very long. But he was happy.”

James nodded. “Look, Teddy, I know this is going to come out the wrong way, but… why did you come back to England?” He sighed. “I mean… why come back when you don’t want anyone to know you’re home?”

“Things with Michael got bad.” Teddy forced the words out. “After Dora was born. I couldn’t stay there anymore.”

James’s voice was gentle, but the words still stung. “But why come here?”

Teddy drooped. He didn’t know how to explain that it hadn’t been premeditated, that he had wanted _safe_ and _away_ and his first thought had been of his grandmother’s hands. He’d rushed to pack what little he had, gathered Dora in his arms, and gotten the first Portkey to England. And only once he was back in his home country did the panic set in, did he imagine the shock and pain and anger on Andromeda’s face, and he couldn’t bring himself to go to her. The only person he could think of in all of England who wouldn’t be mad at him was James.

He’d hailed the Knight Bus and asked for James Potter’s residence, expecting a hip London flat or – Merlin forbid – Harry and Ginny’s cottage in Sussex. He hadn’t been expecting a terrace house in a quiet neighborhood with flowers in the window box, and when he’d seen that, he’d been waiting for a new Mrs. Potter to open the door.

Nothing about James as he was now was what Teddy had expected.

All of that felt too complicated to explain, and instead what came out was, “I missed you.” James looked shocked, and Teddy took a deep breath, feeling the truth of the words in his lungs as he gave voice to them for the first time in years. “I missed everyone. I missed my grandmother and Kingsley. I missed you and Harry and Ginny. I missed Albus and Lily and George and Victoire. I didn’t let myself think about how much for so long.”

“But aren’t you still missing them?”

Teddy turned sharply to look at James. In his arms, Dora stirred, and he shifted to rock her. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t you want them to know you’re back? Don’t you want Dora to meet her great-grandmother?” James bit his lip. “I’m not trying to push, Teddy. But you can’t hide here forever. I mean, they’re going to find out somehow. Wouldn’t you rather be the one to tell them?”

Teddy’s palms felt sweaty, his throat tight. While the answer to that was yes, obviously, he was tired of being a bystander in his own fucking life, the thought of making any of that happen was overwhelming. Feeling pitiful, he spoke. “I don’t know how.”

James tilted his head, scrunching up his nose in what Teddy recognized as his thinking face. It wasn’t an expression he’d seen from James recently, but it called to mind James at eight, asking Teddy how Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavor Beans were made, and did he think they made the flavors separately or all at once, and was there really a Bertie Bott and if so what would James have to do to meet her. The familiarity of it was calming.

“Maybe I can help,” James said.


	5. Chapter Five

** Chapter Five **

“How have you been, James?” Tracy asked.

James blinked at her. She was looking at him over her red-framed glasses – familiar – but the expression of concern on her face was new.

“I know I’m only your academic advisor, but you’ve seemed a little on edge the past few weeks, and I want you to know that I’m happy to listen if you want to discuss anything else.”

“I appreciate that, but I’m fine,” James said. The things that had him on edge were too numerous to count: Teddy’s return, Teddy’s presence, the continued lying on Teddy’s behalf, Albus’s continued anger at him, the baby who now shared his living space. He doubted Tracy wanted to hear about any of it, even if he’d felt comfortable discussing it with her. “Personal stuff. I’ll try not to let it affect my work any more.”

Tracy nodded in acknowledgement, opening the folder he’d given her last week. “In that case, shall we discuss your outline?” she said.

James’s stomach flipped with nerves. “Alright.”

“These first few chapters, your opening and the background magical theory – really good, really strong. You obviously have a wonderful grasp on the _hows_ and _whys_ of Transfiguration, but we already knew that.” She grinned at him, eyes twinkling over her glasses, and James forced a smile back. He knew she was buttering him up before delivering the bad news.

“But,” she continued, “your proofs here – less strong. I’m concerned the committee might not view your research as unique enough – there’s very little of it that hasn’t already been done, and that will put you in an unfavorable position when it comes time to defend your thesis.”

James dropped his head, feeling a little shamed. He’d been worried that was what Tracy would call him out on, but, well – there wasn’t a new topic in the field of human Transfiguration that he wanted to write about. He was most interested in Animagus transfiguration, and it wasn’t his fault that had already been studied to death. All of the topics Tracy had suggested, he’d looked into, but they’d been dry and hadn’t held his interest.

He stifled a sigh. “I guess this means you aren’t approving me to start writing?”

She gave him a sad smile. “I’m afraid not, James. Obviously I can’t stop what I don’t know is happening, but I hope you’ll consider approaching this question from another angle. I know it’s another step, and more work you were hoping you wouldn’t have to do, but I think your final paper will be stronger for it.”

She passed him the folder, and he took it, running his fingers over his name on the cover. “Think about it, James.”

“Thank you, Tracy.”

“I’ll see you next week,” she said, as he stood and hoisted his bag over his shoulder. “And James – try not to look so glum next time.”

***

James arrived home to find Teddy and Dora in the same position they’d been in the last two afternoons: Teddy sitting on the couch, holding Dora as he read from a book hovering in front of him. It was sweet, and seeing how much Teddy loved his daughter did a lot to mitigate James’s lingering frustration with his godbrother, but it also pointed towards another evening of the same pattern: James preparing a simple dinner and doing the dishes while Teddy put Dora to bed, after which they would sit in silence at opposite ends of the living room. James didn’t mind the quiet – he had work to do, after all – but it bothered him because before he and Teddy had never lacked for conversation topics. He didn’t mind staying in either – it was what he usually did, but he was also usually at liberty to go out to eat if he wanted, or take a walk around the neighborhood, or stop by his dad’s or Al’s for a visit. Not that Teddy’s presence precluded any of those things, but it would have felt rude to go out to eat without him, and he was avoiding most people who didn’t know that Teddy was staying with him (and Al and Lily too, since they were mad at him) and he was feeling antsy.

“We should go out,” he announced, dropping his bag by the door.

Teddy turned to look at him, confusion evident on his face.

“Out?”

“To Diagon or something,” James said. “Don’t you want to do something different? Get out of the house a little while?”

Teddy looked down at Dora in his arms. “I don’t want to disturb her.”

James suppressed a sigh. “Maybe this weekend, then? We can go earlier in the day so she won’t be over-tired.”

“Alright,” Teddy nodded.

Saturday morning found James waiting in the kitchen, nursing his second cup of tea, as Teddy searched everywhere for Dora’s dummy.

“I can help if you want–” he offered, but Teddy waved him off, leaning over to look under the sofa cushions. Dora, already in her carrier on Teddy’s chest, giggled as he stood back up.

“I’m fine,” Teddy said, now rummaging through Dora’s already-packed change bag.

“Have you tried Summoning it?” James asked. Teddy rolled his eyes.

“Obviously, James, I’m not an idiot.”

He turned fast to go up the stairs, and Dora cried out at the sudden movement.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Teddy said. He took her out of the carrier quickly, turning Dora to cradle her against his chest. Her cries petered out, turning to hiccups, as Teddy frowned at James.

“I don’t know if we should go,” he said. “It seems like Dora’s not feeling well.”

James didn’t want to question Teddy’s instincts as a parent, but Dora seemed excited – Teddy was the one who looked ill. “I think you startled her,” he said, and continued before Teddy could come up with another excuse. “Do _you_ not want to go?”

“I didn’t say that,” Teddy said.

James frowned. “I didn’t mean to push you if you aren’t feeling up to it.”

“It’s not that,” Teddy said. “I want to go. I need to pick up some things, for myself and Dora, but I’m worried about people recognizing me. It’s been awhile since I had to consider that, and if I’m with you, it’s even more likely…”

“Why don’t you morph so you won’t be recognizable?” James suggested.

Teddy flushed. “I can’t.”

“You can’t?”

“I haven’t been able to. Not since…” He sighed, looking down at Dora, smoothing down her hair, back to its usual sunshine yellow. “Not since my first trimester.”

“Oh.” Now that he thought about it, James realized that he hadn’t seen Teddy change his appearance since he arrived. He hadn’t often changed things like his height or his build, but he used to play around with things like body mods, giving himself wild eye colors, and most frequently his hair color. Since he arrived on James’s doorstep, it had been the same sedate brown; a color James used to associate with serious situations, since the only time he’d see it on Teddy was when they attended large family gatherings or James visited him at the Academy. The rest of the time, Teddy had favored a robin’s egg blue that James had avoided after for years. He’d assumed that this grown-up Teddy – for even though Teddy had seemed like an adult to James at twenty-one, now that he himself was twenty-five, he couldn’t think of him that way anymore – simply favored a more muted color palette, not that he was unable to change his appearance.

Then again, maybe that was common for Metamorphs when they had children. It wasn’t as if James had known any other Metamorphmagi, pregnant or otherwise.

“I doubt we’ll run into anyone who recognizes you,” James said. “Your disappearance is old news by now. It’s not like Dad would tell the papers he thought you were back. And everyone in the family avoids Diagon anyway, especially on a busy Saturday. But if you’re worried, you can always cast a Glamour.”

“I’m no good at Glamours,” Teddy said. “I never had to use them.”

“Well, I can cast it for you if you want,” James said. “But I still don’t think it’s necessary.”

Teddy looked at him for a long moment, then down at Dora, who responded to the attention by reaching out to grab Teddy’s nose. He laughed, gently catching her hand in his own.

“Never mind, then,” he said.

***

James was pleased and relieved that he’d been right – in the busy crush of a Saturday morning in Diagon, no one had given James and Teddy a second glance, except for a classmate of James’s who stopped to ask him about an assignment while Teddy faded into the background. They’d stopped in Flourish and Blotts for James to pick up a special order, and spent a long time in the new baby boutique next door to Madam Malkin’s. Though Teddy had been wide-eyed at all the choices – as had James, despite the few times he’d gone in there to purchase gifts – they’d walked out with only two onesies, a new blanket, and a rattle that changed color with a spell. As Teddy counted out coins at the till, James wondered what his finances were like, and then scolded himself for worrying. It would be invasive to ask, and he was just helping Teddy out while the other man got back on his feet in England – it wasn’t like when he was younger, and no questions were off limits between them.

Dora was fussing in her carrier by the time they left _Wee Wix,_ her hair a shade of red a bit too bright to look natural, even if she’d been a Weasley. “We should probably head home soon,” James suggested.

Teddy nodded, tickling Dora’s sock-clad feet. “Do you mind if we make one more stop?” He said. “At the apothecary. I need to pick up a few things–”

“Of course,” James said, but Teddy still looked nervous. “Do you want me to wait outside with Dora while you go in?”

Relief washed across Teddy’s face. “Yes, that would be great, thank you,” he said, unbuckling Dora and handing her over. She squirmed a little in James’s arms, and Teddy looked concerned, but James gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

“We’ll be alright,” he said. “I’m just going to take her to sit on that bench over there, yeah?”

Teddy nodded and disappeared into the shop as James made a beeline for the bench. He had no intention of trying to dig into Teddy’s business, and didn’t need to know what he was buying. He turned Dora so she was resting against his shoulder, running one hand up and down her back – the shirt Teddy had put her in for their outing was patterned with little brooms – and when he heard his name being called, he was surprised Teddy was back so soon.

But it wasn’t Teddy – it was Scorpius, waving at him from the other side of the street. James lifted a hand in response, and several things happened in quick succession: Scorpius started towards him, and James could see the moment he noticed Dora and realized James wasn’t alone. At the same time, a knot of people cleared and James saw that Scorpius wasn’t alone either; his father followed him over to James wearing an amused but indulgent expression.

“James!” Scorpius’s face went through a complicated range of emotions as he drew near. He opened his mouth to say something else, but before he could continue, Draco stopped beside him.

“James,” Draco greeted, more sedate than Scorpius, as always. “James and… a baby?”

Scorpius glanced between his father and James, panic obvious in his expression.

James stood, shifting Dora again so the others could see her face. “I’m out shopping with a friend,” he explained, “and this is his daughter. We’re just waiting for him to finish in the apothecary.”

“What’s her name?” Draco asked.

“Dora,” James said, as the girl in question yawned and her hair, which had been red just moments ago, turned powder blue.

Draco’s expression, which had been edging towards a smile – he had a secret soft spot for babies – slid into a frown. Scorpius looked increasingly panicked.

“You’re out shopping with your friend whose daughter happens to be a Metamorphmagus,” Draco said, arching one eyebrow.

James’s palms were sweaty. “Yes,” he said, trying to sound confident. Had Dora always been this heavy?

Draco’s eyes narrowed further. “Is it safe to assume from this that said friend is also a Metamorphmagus?”

“I don’t know what you’re implying,” James lied.

“Come on, Dad–” Scorpius began.

“You’re out in Diagon shopping with an unknown friend, who has a daughter who is a Metamorphmagus and shares a name with my second cousin, weeks after Harry hears that Teddy is back in the country?” Draco asked. “James, were you lying to us at brunch?”

James couldn’t think of what to say to that. _Lie, lie,_ his brain was screaming, but he couldn’t think of anything convincing before Teddy exited the apothecary. James heard the bell ring and resisted the urge to turn and look, hoping Teddy would see the Malfoys and make an escape. But Teddy had eyes only for Dora, and was lifting her out of James’s arms before he noticed Draco and Scorpius.

His eyes went wide. “Oh.”

Draco raised an eyebrow. “I see.” He glanced at Scorpius, who was a picture of embarrassment beside him. “And it appears that my son already knew about this as well. I can only assume he heard it from Albus which means all three of you have been lying to Harry, despite knowing how worried he’s been about the Teddy situation. Especially of late.”

His eyes flicked between them, letting the shame settle in. “I don’t think I have the conscience to lie to the man I love. I’d suggest one of you tell Harry about this before I do?” He raised an eyebrow, sending a piercing glare at James, and then bent slightly to be at eye level with Dora. “It was very nice to make your acquaintance, Dora.”

***

Teddy was an absolute wreck by the time they got back to James’s house.

“He’s going to tell Harry,” he said, pacing in front of the counter. “Oh Merlin, he could be telling him right now.”

“He’s not,” James said. Teddy shot him a disbelieving look. “He’s not!” James repeated, pouring himself a glass of water. “Draco was trying to scare you a bit, but he’s not trying to create drama.”

“Draco Malfoy isn’t trying to create drama?” Teddy said, arching an eyebrow.

James resisted the urge to swear. “People can change in ten years,” he said, tone measured. Merlin, if there was one thing he’d expect Teddy to understand. “If you’re so worried, why don’t you owl him?”

“What if Harry sees it?”

“I can fucking owl him, then,” James said, slamming the glass down. “You know you’ll have to tell him eventually, though, right?”

Teddy crossed his arms, curling in on himself, and James felt horrible for raising his voice. “I’m not ready.”

James took a deep breath. “What would help you feel more ready? What’s holding you back?”

Teddy shrugged. “I don’t know.” He sighed. “I’m worried that… I mean, I _know_ that Harry and Gran will be mad at me. So mad. I don’t want to deal with that. I know I have to,” he said, darting a glance at James as though daring him to argue. “I guess it would help to have some kind of gauge for things. How mad are they really, you know.”

James nodded. “Do you want to maybe talk to someone else before you try to talk to them? That might make it easier.”

“Who would I talk to?” Teddy asked. “My grandmother? That’ll be even worse.”

James remembered the way Andromeda had folded in on herself in the years after Teddy had gone, remembered his dad and Aunt Hermione talking in low voices about how she’d been after Teddy’s mum had died. He didn’t think Andromeda would be as mad as Teddy thought – it was still obvious to anyone who saw her that she missed him, especially around the holidays, when Kingsley was the only one who could make her smile.

“What about Kingsley?”

“Hmm?” Teddy’s arms were crossed, his expression distracted.

“What if you talked to Kingsley? As sort of a, a warm-up before you see your grandmother?”

“Kingsley?” Teddy frowned.

“I can arrange it,” James offered. “So Andromeda won’t find out.” He sighed. “At least think about it, Teddy?”

“Okay. I’ll think about it.”

***

Albus had left twenty minutes before Teddy was due to get back. “You’re cute, kid,” he’d said, bouncing Dora on his hip as he and James walked to the door, “but I’m still mad at your dad. Lots of people are,” he continued, handing her off to James.

“But they won’t be for long,” James reassured her, smoothing her hair back like he’d seen Teddy do. She grabbed at his hand.

Albus rolled his eyes. “Dream on.”

“Al!” James scolded, shifting Dora to the other arm as Albus pulled on his coat. “Could you try to be more positive? I don’t want her to think everyone hates her father.”

“She’s a baby! She can’t understand what we’re saying.”

“It’s all part of her language development,” James said. “You wouldn’t swear in front of her, would you?”

Al glared at him, and for a second James thought he was about to let out a litany of swears just to be contrarian. “You are very cute and I like you very much,” Al said in an exaggerated baby voice. He reached out to poke Dora’s cheek and she grabbed at his fingers, gurgling. “But Teddy made a very stupid decision and a lot of people are mad at him for it,” Al continued, “including myself and your Aunt Lily.”

James frowned. “Al.”

Al stood. “She doesn’t know that Teddy is her dad,” he said, then addressed Dora again. “Uncle Albus will see you later!”

“Uncle Albus even though you won’t speak to Teddy?”

Al fixed him with a look. “I’m sorry, I want to be an uncle. Are you or Lily going to give me nieces or nephews anytime soon? No? That’s what I thought.”

James rolled his eyes. “Weren’t you fleeing before Teddy got back?”

Albus laughed. “See you later!”

James had just enough time to put Dora down for her nap and cast a boiling spell before he heard Teddy’s key in the door. He listened as Teddy shucked his coat and shoes, bobbing his teabag and watching as the water in his cup darkened from amber to molasses.

Teddy came into the kitchen, hovering in the doorway. He was dressed more formally than James had seen since he’d come back, in a way that reminded him of Teddy in school, the perfectly presented Head Boy, or Teddy in the Auror Academy looking so official in his robes. Teddy frowned, tugged at his collar, and pulled out his wand, Transfiguring the smart white shirt he’d been wearing into a long-sleeved t-shirt James recognized.

“Do you want tea?” James asked, Summoning the sugar.

“No.” Teddy frowned. “Dora’s napping?”

“I just put her down.”

“Wasn’t Albus helping you watch her?”

“He left.” The spoon clinked against the side of the mug as James stirred. “Didn’t want to see you.” He wasn’t sure why he said that. It made Teddy frown.

“Ah.” Teddy slumped into a chair. “I see.”

“How was meeting Kingsley?”

Teddy shrugged. “Fine. It went as well as could be expected. He was surprised, said even after your owl he didn’t think it was actually going to be me.” His frown deepened. “He said he feels guilty keeping it a secret from my grandmother for long, though.”

“But you want to tell her,” James said. “Maybe having some kind of deadline will be helpful.”

“I guess.”

James took a sip of his tea. “You look upset. Was Kingsley rude to you?”

“What? No, no, of course not. He’d never say anything like that to me.”

“I didn’t think so,” James said. “But then why do you look so upset? Was it not a good conversation?”

“I’m thinking about something he said,” Teddy explained.

After a moment of silence, and another sip of tea, James prodded. “And?”

“Kingsley said–” Teddy stopped, as though unsure of how to phrase it. “Were you mad when I left?”

James shrugged. “I was upset, sure.”

“I know you were upset. Were you angry?”

James shot Teddy a look. “What are you getting at? I was mad. I was upset. We had no idea where you’d gone!”

“Kingsley said he was shocked you were helping me at all, after how angry you got when I left.”

That drew James up short. It seemed an odd thing to say except – it wasn’t. James had fumed for months when Teddy went away, and everyone knew it. But it had been so long ago, he hadn’t thought about that time in a while.

“Why were you mad at me?”

James goggled. “I didn’t realize we were asking stupid questions.”

Teddy huffed. “I’m trying to have a conversation here, James! Why were you mad at me?”

“Because I was fifteen!” James yelled. “Because I was fifteen, and I thought you were my best friend in the world, and you left without telling me _anything._ I told you – I told you about all the shit that was happening in my life, and it made me realize that you only saw me as an annoying kid brother. You didn’t trust me. You just up and left.”

Teddy seemed to have been shocked speechless. James knew he should stop, that it wasn’t fair to dump all this on Teddy, to make it seem like fresh anger when James had been over it for years, and he _had,_ but–

“I was trying to decide what N.E.W.T.s I should take, what I wanted to do with my life, and you weren’t there to talk about it. I was realizing I liked boys, and you _weren’t there._ ” Teddy’s eyes were wide, and James realized he hadn’t known James was gay, and it was another reminder of what he had missed – of the things James took for granted that people around him knew and Teddy didn’t. “You weren’t there. I mean, it’s not like I was alone – I had Louis and Dom, but we never really talked about–” He sighed. “You were my _best friend,_ Teddy. And you left.”

Teddy looked stricken. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I–”

James waved him off. “It’s long over,” he said. “I’m not still upset about it.” He laughed. “But it was a shitty few years. Mum and Dad got divorced, and Lily was convinced it was her fault because she’d gone to Hogwarts and left them alone, as if that had anything to do with it. And then Dad took up with _Draco Malfoy_ of all people, and that was a whole thing with Albus…”

Teddy was frowning. “But everyone seems – I mean, things seem fine now. With your parents, and Lily and Al?”

James stared at him. “Well, yeah. I mean, I know it’s weird to you, but we’ve had quite a few years to get used to the idea. It wasn’t such smooth sailing at first.” He rubbed his forehead. “Al didn’t speak to Dad at all for a few months after he told us he was dating Draco. None of us knew at the time that it was because Al had just started dating Scorpius, but Dad was heartbroken, and Scorpius wouldn’t say anything about it to Draco...it was all a mess. Things were a mess for a while.”

James shook his head, spinning his cup in his hands. “But it’s not – it’s not that things were messy; that all would have happened whether you were here or not. I missed having someone to talk to about everything.” He bit his lip. “I really thought we were best friends, Ted. I guess in hindsight, it’s silly to have thought that you would be best friends with a fifteen-year-old when you were in the Auror Academy, but–”

“It’s not silly.” Teddy’s voice was strong with conviction in a way James hadn’t heard it in a long time, and he looked up, surprised. “It’s not silly, James. You were my best friend, and it ate me up inside to not tell you. I missed you so much, those first few months, I almost wrote you a hundred times just to let you know I was alright.”

“Why didn’t you?” James whispered.

“I was scared,” Teddy admitted, “and worried you’d be able to convince me to come back. I was worried Harry would find out I’d written to you, or he’d ask and you’d tell him, and he’d be able to track me down. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away if he came to New York to fetch me home, and you know he would have.”

James had to smile at that. “You’re right.”

“That he would have come to New York?”

He shrugged. “That, but also, I would have told him.” He sighed. “If I thought it meant you coming home, I would have told him in a heartbeat.”

Teddy furrowed his brow. There were creases at the corner of his eyes that hadn’t been there when he was twenty-one. “You all were really worried about me.”

“Yes.” James laughed.

Teddy looked surprised, even hurt by the sound. “What’s so funny about that?”

“It’s not,” James said. “But you looked so surprised by that. What gave us any reason to think that you’d run off and not been kidnapped or murdered? Dad petitioned for the DMLE to investigate for weeks, but they said there was no evidence of foul play.”

“I didn’t think you would worry like that,” Teddy admitted. “Fuck, they’re all going to be so mad at me. It’s a miracle you aren’t still mad at me.”

James shrugged. “I think I was too shocked to be angry,” he said honestly. “And I think the others might be too.”

Teddy laughed, sharp. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” he said. “You’re still a little bit mad at me too.”

“Maybe.” James looked down. His tea was going cold, the ceramic no longer warm between his palms. “You were gone a long time, Ted.”

The words were a whisper. “I know.”

“You were gone a long fucking time.” James shook his head. “I didn’t think I had to forgive you because I didn’t expect to ever see you again.”

“You have to believe me when I say I missed you, Jamie.”

James inclined his head in acknowledgment. “I do.” 

“No, you _have_ to believe me.”

“What do you want me to say, Teddy? I missed you like mad, but I had no choice in the matter. You had a choice – you’re the one who left. How can you say you missed me when you made that decision?”

James was realizing, now that Teddy was here – across from him at his kitchen table, in his house, so firmly back in his life – how much he hadn’t thought about Teddy over the years. At first, every little thing had reminded him of his missing godbrother. Homework assignments were full of questions Teddy would’ve known the answer to. His classmates’ hijinks and family drama couldn’t take his mind off of Teddy’s absence, because he couldn’t put quill to paper and relate the stories to Teddy like he’d usually done. Back home in Godric’s Hollow, everything in the house was something Teddy had bought, or used, or existed nearby. When he got his supply list for sixth year and realized he’d have to go school shopping without Teddy for the first time ever, James had spent the day in bed. It was driving him spare, months after everyone else had stopped telling him to get over it – because they assumed he already had.

After a certain point, it wasn’t worth the effort. James couldn’t get emotional about going to Diagon alone when Lily spent the trip panicking about upcoming Quidditch tryouts, which she would finally be eligible for. James couldn’t mope in his room when Al wanted help revising for fourth-year Potions before he’d even arrived at Hogwarts. Lily and Albus had relied on Teddy – but not the way James had. James had always been the first line of defense for his siblings, the one they came to with their problems. He loved being that person, took great pride in his role as an older brother, and turned to Teddy when their problems became too much. He’d floundered the first year without Teddy, trying to figure out how to be the same support for his siblings when he had no one to support him in turn, yet what hurt the most in hindsight was the thought that all those years, when he’d relied on Teddy to talk him through problems big and small, he hadn’t been able to return that favor.

Maybe that was why he felt so obligated to pay it back now.

Teddy’s voice was quiet, pensive when he spoke. “I don’t know what I can say to make you believe me. But leaving… that decision – it wasn’t anything about you, alright? It was all about me, and my problems. And needing to deal with them.”

His voice was bitter. With the memory of the first few months when Teddy was gone fresh in his memory, James couldn’t help but push. “And did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Deal with your problems?” James caught Teddy’s gaze, held it. A part of him wanted to make Teddy angry again, force him to say what he meant instead of leaving holes in every conversation, the way he had since he’d come back.

But Teddy didn’t take the bait: He glanced down, away, averting his eyes and shrugging in a way that made him seem shorter. “Not really,” he said. “But does it matter, anyway? If I’m back now.”

“Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re happy to be back home or not,” James said.

Teddy shrugged.


	6. Chapter Six

** Chapter Six **

Teddy had gone back and forth for a long time about whether or not he should bring Dora.

She might distract Andromeda, he reasoned. But did he want her be distracted? Surely she would be excited to meet her great-granddaughter… or she might have been, if she hadn’t had to raise an unexpected grandson. He didn’t want her opinion towards Dora to be negative, no matter how she felt about him, and had almost decided on leaving her behind – he could test out the waters before telling Andromeda about his pregnancy _(oh god what if an opportunity didn’t come up to tell Andromeda about his pregnancy)_ – because he didn’t want to be the kind of parent who used his child as a buffer to avoid uncomfortable conversations.

But then James said he wouldn’t be able to babysit, and even though he offered to put Teddy in touch with Louis, or to ask Albus and Lily on his behalf, Teddy didn’t feel comfortable leaving Dora alone with anyone who’s opinion on him was still questionable.

Sometimes using one’s child as a buffer had to be acceptable, he decided, in extreme situations such as this one.

They were going to Andromeda and Kingsley’s house. Not the house Teddy had grown up in, in Newcastle, the same one where his mother had lived, but the house in London near the Ministry that grandmother and Kingsley had bought after their marriage. Teddy’d never spent much time there, and he felt out of place as he stepped out of the Floo and onto the plush carpet of the sitting room.

The empty sitting room. Teddy swallowed, willing his stomach to stop twisting in circles.

“Hello?” His voice felt loud in the empty room. “Is anyone home?”

“I’m sorry, I was in the–” Andromeda stopped in the doorway, eyes and mouth wide as she caught sight of him. “ _Teddy._ ”

“Hi, Gran.” Teddy felt eleven again, facing his grandmother after his first term at Hogwarts and not knowing how to interact with her after so long away.

And just like that time, she was crying. Subdued, delicate; the way she’d always cried, the way she’d been trained to and had never outgrown, one hand pressed over her mouth, stifling any sounds, as her eyes filled and filled with tears.

“Is it really you?” she whispered.

“I thought Kingsley told you I was coming,” Teddy said, feeling wrong-footed. “He said–”

He never finished the sentence, because Andromeda was across the room in a heartbeat, so fast she might have Apparated, and it wasn’t until she went to wrap him in her arms that she noticed Dora, in her carrier on his chest.

“Teddy?” Her voice was a different type of broken.

“Um, this is my daughter.” He tried to laugh. “I guess I have a lot to tell you–”

“It’s you,” she said, and hugged him from the side instead. He squeezed his eyes shut and let himself be held, then maneuvered onto the couch when clinging to each other around a baby got too uncomfortable. It felt like an eternity before she let go of him, releasing her full body hold to take his hands in hers. They felt older than he remembered, bony knuckles and wrinkles, not the capable hands of his childhood. He wanted to cry.

“I thought you’d be mad at me,” he said, choking back tears. “I thought you’d yell.”

She cupped his face in her hands. “How could I be mad when you’re back?”

“Teddy.” She sighed and sat back, raising her gaze upwards in a way that was familiar to Teddy from his childhood. It had always been her response when Teddy did something foolish or stupid or strange – he recognized it now as her taking a moment to gather her thoughts before she said something she might regret, but in his angstiest younger moments he’d imagined it as a silent plea to his mother: _why did you die and leave me to raise your ridiculous son?_

“I was upset, when you left. I was very worried. I’ve missed you so much, all these years.” Her eyes traveled over his face, flicking down to Dora, who seemed distracted enough by the introduction of a new person that she hadn’t started squirming like she usually did after too long stationary in her carrier. “But clearly there were things you weren’t telling us, if you were so unhappy here that you wanted to leave, and I don’t see how my yelling at you now would do anything to rectify that situation, when what I really feel is extremely grateful to see my grandson again.”

Without realizing it, Teddy was crying. He loved Andromeda, he’d missed her dearly, but he hadn’t been expecting this kind of unconditional acceptance. He’d always known she loved him, but he’d felt like a burden – the baby she hadn’t expected to raise, named for her departed husband; a poor replacement for the daughter she’d lost. He hadn’t thought when he’d left about how she would feel, losing another family member.

Her obvious love and relief at his return made him feel foolish about the fears that had lead him to run away all those years ago. For the first time, he wondered if not just his relationship with Michael, but leaving England, had been a mistake.

He didn’t know how to articulate any of that to his grandmother, didn’t know when or if he’d feel able to discuss it with her. Instead, he blinked away tears and said the one truth he felt comfortable sharing. “I missed you too.”

She smiled at him, kind eyes in the familiar face he’d conjured up in memory so many times over the years. He’d never done it justice, and it felt surreal to be face to face with her once more. “It would seem we have a lot of catching up to do,” she said. “And I need to be introduced to my great-granddaughter. What’s her name?”

Teddy ran his fingers through Dora’s hair. It was full for her age – a side effect of her Metamorph abilities, one of his Healers in New York had told him – and was currently a shade of peach that Teddy hadn’t seen on her before. All of a sudden, he felt embarrassed, like a child.

“It’s, um.” He swallowed. “Her name is Dora.”

More tears welled up in Andromeda’s eyes, their reflection glassy in the afternoon sun. She pressed a hand to her mouth once more, delicate fingers covering her lips as her whole face tightened. “Oh,” she said. “Oh, Teddy.”

***

Two hours later found Teddy curled up next to Andromeda on the sofa, each with a mug of hot chocolate. He hadn’t intended to stay so long, but once he started talking – telling his grandmother about how stifled he’d felt in the Auror Academy, how the pressure of his family’s legacy and his connection to Harry had borne down on him – he found he couldn’t stop. When Dora got grouchy and Teddy realized he’d missed her usual nap time, Andromeda noticed that he was reluctant to leave and offered to set up a space upstairs for Dora to sleep.

“You can stay for dinner if you’d like,” she offered. “I’m sure Kingsley will want to meet Dora as well.”

Teddy’d sent an owl to James so he wouldn’t worry before rejoining his grandmother downstairs. He was excited to have his own plans for the evening, and not feel like he was burdening James with his continued presence.

Andromeda was stroking his hair, the same way she’d done when he was a child and couldn’t fall back to sleep because of a nightmare, when her movement paused and he felt her body tense. Teddy sat up from where he’d been resting his head on her shoulder. “What is it?”

“I don’t want to pry,” Andromeda said, voice gentle. “But I do want to ask. About Dora.”

Teddy sighed, letting his head fall against the back of the couch. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sure you’ve had enough of – of unexpected grandchildren and great-grandchildren, in your life.”

“I didn’t ask you to apologize.” He couldn’t see her face, but her voice was chastising. “I’d never say something like that. It’s obvious you adore that girl; it would be rude of me to imply you regretted anything.” Teddy’s heart twisted, because sometimes he thought he did, as much as he loved Dora, but he didn’t have time to dwell on that as Andromeda continued speaking. “But it is a surprise,” she said, “after all these years. I’m allowed to wonder. I’m not entitled to any explanation, if you don’t want to give one.”

“No.” Teddy sighed, feeling tired. “No, I think you deserve an explanation. It’s fine.” He tilted his head to the side so he could see her expression – patient, as always. Teddy supposed you’d have to be patient, to survive raising both himself and his mother, based on the stories he’d heard. He squeezed his eyes shut. “I guess the first thing you should know is that I’m gay.” He forced the rest of the words out, figuring it would hurt less to get it all over at once. “Dora’s mine. I mean, I carried her. I gave birth to her.” He peeked at his grandmother, afraid to see horror on her face, but her expression was placid, if a little sad. A familiar one from his childhood, if he were being honest.

She reached out to take his hand, squeezing it. “You know I still love you,” she said. “I’ll always love you, Teddy. And I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me sooner… I’m assuming that might be one of the reasons you left?”

He nodded. He’d forgotten how well she knew him, how well everyone in England knew him – in his life in New York, he hadn’t let anyone stick around long enough to gain so much insight into his head.

“I feel silly about it now,” he confessed. “Coming back to find out Harry and Albus are into men. And James too, I guess.”

“Everyone has their own process, Teddy,” she said. “It wasn’t all sunshine and roses for any of them.”

He sighed. “I know.”

Andromeda’s brow creased as she watched him, and Teddy could tell she was weighing her next words. “And is Dora’s… other father not in the picture?”

Teddy shook his head. Somehow, sharing this was even more difficult than coming out to her. “No. It wasn’t… she wasn’t planned. I was on a contraceptive potion but I got food poisoning, and the anti-nausea potion I took neutralized one of the ingredients in my birth control.”

Andromeda tilted her head, expression inquisitive. “But you decided to keep her?”

Teddy opened his mouth to reply. Shut it again. He’d considered getting an abortion, in that he’d assumed it was what Michael would want him to do. After that, he hadn’t felt confident in himself as the one who could make that decision.

“Yes,” he said simply, leaving it at that. “But the relationship… wasn’t good. I’m not in touch with him anymore.”

Andromeda nodded and pulled Teddy closer. He collapsed against her side, pressing his cheek against the soft material of her shirt and breathing in her perfume. “I wish I’d been there, to support you,” she said.

Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes. “Me too,” he said. “Being pregnant in New York… it’s not a great place to be a pregnant wizard.”

“I can imagine,” Andromeda said. “But now you’re here, and you have me, and Kingsley. Anything you need, Teddy. You only have to ask.”

***

“I’m just not sure this is a good idea,” Teddy said.

James turned to look at him. Teddy had stopped at the bottom of the stone steps – wide stone steps, leading up to a façade of rough, silvery rock; the building couldn’t have been more academic if it had been in a university brochure. James, in a grey jumper and unbuttoned pea coat, with a brown leather satchel thrown over one shoulder, fit right in. He looked like a professor, Teddy had thought when he Floo’d back into the kitchen after dropping Dora off at Andromeda’s for the morning. The thought had been jarring, but not as much as the one that had followed it: that’s because he’s going to be a professor.

Teddy did not look like a professor. Teddy was wearing combat boots he’d had since he was nineteen, because Dora had thrown up on the Vans he’d wanted to wear and he hadn’t acted fast enough to spell the stain out. Teddy was wearing a t-shirt and hoodie combo, because James had sprung this outing on him last minute and all his nice shirts were dirty. Teddy was wearing his old leather jacket because it was the warmest thing he owned and it was still cold for March. He didn’t even look like a student – he looked like he should have been hanging out at a record store, making fun of the uni students who came in during lunchtime. At least, he would have if he didn’t look so much older than they did.

Apparently realizing that Teddy following him, James trotted down the stairs. Taking Teddy’s elbow, he tugged him off the footpath and out of the way of the few stragglers still making their way to morning classes.

“Why don’t you think this is a good idea? You were looking forward to it last night,” James said.

Teddy folded his arms across his chest, feeling cold and vulnerable. It was true that when James had brought it up – bringing Teddy in to see his thesis advisor, a human Transfiguration expert, to see if she had any idea why his Metamorph abilities had deserted him – Teddy had been excited. He felt bereft without his abilities, especially now that he was back in England, and would have been much more comfortable if he knew he could adjust his appearance and disguise himself when necessary in public. He also knew that it would be time, soon, for him to teach Dora to control her own powers. That would be much easier if he could demonstrate, especially when she was still young – Andromeda had done a valiant job trying to coach Teddy through explanation and examples, but it hadn’t been the same as having another Metamorphmagus around. Teddy wanted to give that to his daughter, something he’d never had.

“I mean, I want to figure out what’s going on with my magic,” he said. “But I… you said she’s a researcher. I don’t want to become some kind of research subject, weird experiment, being poked and prodded and all that.”

James’s face was shadowed with concern. “You won’t be an experiment, Teddy – why would you even ask that?”

Teddy shrugged. He wished he hadn’t forgotten his scarf – his neck was cold, and more than that he wanted to burrow into his coat and hide. “I don’t know. I don’t fit in here, y’know?” He tried to joke. “Auror Academy drop-out, and all that.”

James’s frown deepened. “Tracy doesn’t care about things like that. She wants to help you. Besides, you know you’re still just as smart whether you have a degree or not, right? Dropping out of the Auror Academy doesn’t take away the fact that you got six N.E.W.T.s.”

Teddy scuffed his heel on a patch of still-frozen grass, looking down at his feet. “That’s not how most of the world thinks.”

James sighed. “Look. I haven’t told Tracy anything about you except that you’re a friend of mine who’s a Metamorphmagus but hasn’t been able to transform after giving birth. She’s from Canada originally so she probably won’t even recognize you, and even if she did, she’d only want to help. But if you’re uncomfortable, of course you don’t have to do it. We can go back to the house and I can owl her and tell her you weren’t feeling well.”

“No, I want– I want to figure out what’s wrong. If I can. I _do._ ” Teddy shook his head. “I guess I had kind of resigned myself to not knowing, and dealing with it. But if you think Tracy can help, then I want to try.”

***

Teddy was nervous. Incredibly nervous. So nervous that he’d almost thrown up his breakfast, and skipped lunch. So nervous that he’d made a last minute trip to Primark, suddenly convinced that every shirt he owned was awful. So nervous that he’d told James twice that afternoon that he’d changed his mind and wouldn’t be going. Both times James had talked him down, too, which was more than Teddy deserved.

Dora didn’t know what was going on, but she’d picked up on Teddy’s anxious energy. It had taken her twice as long as usual to go down for her nap, and when she’d woken up early Teddy hadn’t had the patience to try to get her to sleep any more. He hoped the excitement of so many new people would keep her awake for most of the evening, and if it didn’t, that would be even better – nothing served as a better excuse for leaving early than a screaming baby.

He struggled to button her cardigan – another last-minute purchase. Dora didn’t have many separates or nice clothing pieces yet, as Teddy didn’t see the point when she was still growing fast and always making a mess, but he knew that there would be even more eyes on Dora than on himself and he wanted them both to make a good impression. He’d bought the cardigan a little big in the hopes that Dora might get more than one wear out of it, but she was currently waving her arms and trying to grab his fingers as he buttoned it, thinking they were playing a game instead of getting ready to go.

“I’d love to play later, but I need to you let me get you dressed right now, sweetheart,” he said, trying to free his thumb from her grip. “Dora, honey, can you let go of my finger?”

“Obviously not,” Andromeda said as she came up beside him, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Because she knows that you’re in a rush and she wants to slow you down.”

Teddy pressed his lips together as he reclaimed his finger and finished doing up her buttons. “And normally I’d appreciate that. But I want to make sure we’re there on time so I can talk to Harry before everyone else arrives.” He sighed, straightening one of Dora’s sleeves before lifting her off of the bed.

“I know,” Andromeda said, voice even. “I still think you’re worrying too much. Harry’s just going to be glad to know you were alright.”

“ _You_ were glad to know I was alright,” Teddy corrected. “But all of the Potters who’ve found out I’m back had significantly more negative reactions.”

Andromeda leveled a steady look at him. “I wouldn’t call letting you live with him a negative reaction.”

“James not so much,” Teddy admitted. “Both Albus and Lily yelled.”

“Albus and Lily are young,” Andromeda said. “They were young when you left, and they’re still young now. Give people more of a chance before assuming they’ll mistreat you, won’t you, Teddy?”

Before Teddy could reply, there was a knock on the doorframe and they both looked up. James was leaning against the door jamb, dressed casually but still looking sharp in jeans and an open flannel. “Are you about ready?”

Teddy nodded, hoisting Dora higher on his hip. “Yes. I just need to grab – where is –”

“Change bag?” James turned, revealing that it was already slung over his shoulder. “You left it downstairs. Do you need to refill anything?”

“No, just wondering where it was.” He crossed towards James, holding out a hand, and was surprised when James helped him by slinging it over his shoulder.

“Don’t you look wonderful,” Andromeda said, smiling at Teddy and Dora. “James, make sure you get a picture of them tonight, alright? Teddy, I know you said you didn’t have many pictures of this one as a newborn, but we’re fixing that starting now.”

Teddy thought of the way his childhood home had been filled with pictures of himself and their extended family, and his heart squeezed.

“I will, Andromeda, I promise,” James said with a grin. “You know,” he said, turning to face Teddy with an expression of amusement, “this situation is kind of begging for a photoshoot.”

Teddy knew the photos to which James was referring, and he flushed. “Oh no.”

“Oh _yes,_ ” James said. “Maybe a flower theme? Perhaps a garden?”

Andromeda tapped James on the shoulder as she left the room, leading them downstairs. “Stop teasing my grandson. Those photos were a treasure.”

James nodded. “I completely agree,” he said, as Teddy, behind his grandmother’s back, shook his head vehemently. “You could even display them together!”

 _I’m not doing that to my daughter,_ Teddy mouthed.

James shook his head and mimed being unable to hear him. Andromeda looked between them sharply, and Teddy realized they were in front of the Floo.

The Floo, which they would use to travel to Harry and Draco’s house – Teddy wondered if that would ever stop being weird. He sighed. The distraction from their evening plans had been nice while it lasted.

Andromeda leaned in to hug both Teddy and Dora, kissing her great-granddaughter on the cheek as she drew back. “It will be fine,” she promised Teddy. “I’ll see you on Tuesday?”

“Of course,” Teddy said. She nodded and Apparated away.

As soon as she was gone, Teddy felt faint. His knees buckled and James reached out to grab his arms, putting his other hand on Dora’s back to help Teddy support her.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Teddy whispered. “Oh, gods. Albus and Lily are going to say horrible things about me–”

“I’ll hex them if they do–”

“--and Harry’s going to be _so mad_. I know he’s your dad, but he’s got a temper! Merlin,” Teddy moaned, resting his cheek on Dora’s head. “Maybe I should go back to New York.”

James rolled his eyes. “If you do that, Albus and Lily _will_ murder you, and I won’t do anything to stop them. You’ve got this, alright?”

***

“She’s beautiful, Teddy.”

Teddy looked up, startled, to see Harry standing in the doorway. He’d escaped into the guest bedroom to give Dora her last feeding of the day, and, if he was being honest, for a bit of peace and quiet himself. Even though the group in Harry’s yard wasn’t the full Weasley clan, it was enough people who hadn’t seen Teddy in ten years to set him on edge. 

He flashed a smile at Harry, looking back down at Dora to avoid meeting his godfather’s eyes. “Thank you.” Despite he and James having arrived early so that Teddy could have his reunion with Harry in more privacy, they hadn’t been alone all evening. Teddy had mostly hidden in the kitchen or stuck with James, letting him hold up conversations with his siblings and cousins while Teddy nodded and answered the occasional question about Dora. He’d watched Harry from across the room – it was never not going to be weird to see him standing arm in arm with Draco – and wished he had the courage to strike up a conversation.

Teddy looked up. Harry was hovering in the doorway, and Teddy had a feeling they were experiencing the same thing: a desire to speak with no words coming to mind to say.

He nodded towards the space beside him on the bed. “Do you want to hold her?”

Harry’s face said it all, his expression transformed by a smile before he could even nod. He came and sat beside Teddy on the bed, and when Teddy placed Dora into his arms he took her gingerly, so gingerly, despite having raised three children and countless nieces and nephews and knowing that babies were not quite so delicate as they at first seemed.

Teddy couldn’t speak.

Harry did instead. “She looks like you,” he told Teddy, “like you did when you were this age. Except your hair was always turquoise.” He ruffled Dora’s sunflower-colored hair, then let her capture his thumb between her tiny hands.

Teddy had to laugh at that. “I’m pretty sure all babies look the same.”

Harry shook his head. “No. She looks like you.” He caught Teddy’s eye from the corner of his eye and smiled, and Teddy could tell he was trying to raise the mood.

“She should,” he said, trying to joke back. “I did give birth to her.”

If Harry was shocked, to his credit, he didn’t show it on his face. He simply nodded in acknowledgment and rocked Dora in his arms.

Something tight that had been in place around Teddy’s heart loosened. In his life in New York, he’d felt so much shame about his pregnancy. He’d felt foolish for letting it happen – unplanned, accidental – but more than that, even though he’d known since he was young that male pregnancy was possible, he’d never known any men who were pregnant. He’d imagined it was because it carried so many connotations of weakness and femininity, as though being feminine was the same as being weak, as though this different kind of strength couldn’t also be masculine.

Michael had bought into that mindset, his already low opinion of Teddy dipping even lower when he found out he’d gotten him up the duff, even as he spouted words of celebration about the creation of their little family.

“You’ll really have to watch out when she reaches eighteen months,” Harry said. “That’s when you realized you could change other parts of your body besides your hair. Once when Hermione and I were babysitting, we were watching a nature program that had elephants in it and you gave yourself a trunk. We freaked out because we couldn’t figure out how to get you to change it back and we couldn’t bring you back to Andromeda without a nose. You picked up on our panic and tried to touch your nose , and when you grabbed the trunk by accident you started wailing because you didn’t know what was on your face.” Harry laughed. “Hermione was trying all kinds of spells, things to reverse Transfiguration, but of course they didn’t work, and then she mispronounced an incantation and accidentally put you to sleep.”

Teddy gaped. He’d never heard this story before. “And what happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I didn’t have an elephant trunk for the rest of my childhood.”

Harry grinned. “It went away while you were asleep – you got too relaxed and your magic couldn’t maintain it anymore, I reckon. Hermione was eating herself up with guilt at casting at you and making you sleepy, but it all worked out in the end.”

Teddy laughed. “You’ve never told me about that before!”

Harry frowned. “I must have.”

“No!” Teddy shook his head. “I guarantee I would have remembered.”

“Well, no need to bring it up and remind Andromeda,” Harry said. “I imagine you’ll have an easier time of it anyway since you’re a Metamorphmagus too. Obviously we couldn’t explain your powers to you when you were a baby, but none of us were able to model them for you either.” He smiled sadly.

“Right,” Teddy said, mouth dry. He didn’t feel like explaining the embarrassing disappearance of his powers to anyone besides James, and if his response seemed off, luckily Harry didn’t notice. 

In Harry’s arms, Dora squirmed, her little face screwing up in preparation for a full-on cry. “I think someone’s missing her dad,” Harry said, handing Dora back to Teddy.

Teddy arranged her so she could rest her head on his shoulder, and she quieted, her breathing slow against his neck. Harry twisted his hands in his lap, as though uncomfortable.

“Look, Teddy,” he said. “I’m sure this is the last thing on your mind, having just come home, and with a new baby and all, but I wanted you to know…if you have any interest in coming back to the Aurors, we’d be happy to have you.”

It was so far from anything Teddy had been expecting Harry to say. “What?”

“You were only a few months from graduating. You’d have to retake the classes that you had in progress, but all your other credits still stand. It may not be protocol, but I’d vouch for you if it’s something you’re still interested in.”

Teddy thought of the time he’d been arrested for doing magic in front of Muggles, and the Auror who’d practically spat on him as he confiscated their wands. “No respect for the law,” he’d sneered. “Losers like you wouldn’t last a day in the Academy.”

Harry’s continued faith in him warmed Teddy’s heart, even though he was nowhere near the man that Harry remembered.

“I appreciate that, Harry, I really do,” he said, “but I don’t think being an Auror is the right choice for me anymore. To be honest, I don’t know if it ever was.”

Harry nodded, face impassive. “I understand,” he said. “But listen, Teddy. Anything you need, alright? I know that you were nervous about coming here, seeing all of us, and I get why. But we’re not holding it against you, okay? At least, I’m not. I’m happy if you’re happy. I’m glad that you went to James and he’s helping you, but Draco and I are here for you too, now.” Teddy’s expression must have done something odd, because Harry’s turned guarded. “What?”

“I’m wondering when it’ll stop being weird that you and Draco get along now,” Teddy admitted. “Not just get along – I mean. That you’re together.”

Harry laughed. “I’m surprised it didn’t make the papers in the States,” he said. “It was the only thing the _Prophet_ wrote about for weeks, here.”

“You’d be surprised how little the American wizarding community knows about Harry Potter,” Teddy told him. “Or Teddy Lupin.”

After a long moment of silence, Harry nodded. “I can certainly see the appeal of that,” he said.


	7. Chapter Seven

** Chapter Seven **   
_August 2034  
3 years later_

 

The first thing James heard when he stepped out of the Floo was Dora thundering down the stairs.

“James! James!” she yelled, launching herself into his arms. He lifted her, _uff_ -ing at how heavy she was as she turned in his arms, almost throwing him off balance, to direct her words towards Teddy who was following her down the stairs at a more sedate pace. “Daaaad! James is here!”

Teddy stopped at the bottom of the stairs and crossed his arms, wincing at her volume.

“I noticed,” Teddy said. His hair was turquoise today, and the bags under his eyes more pronounced than usual.

James walked towards him, ignoring the pain against his legs as Dora swung her feet, hitting him with her heels. “Late night?” he teased.

Teddy closed his eyes. “Please don’t.”

“Daddy, are you ready?” Dora said, bouncing. “We’re going to the zoo!”

“Indoor voice, please, sweetheart. Daddy has a headache,” Teddy said.

James snorted. Teddy was obviously hungover, but he would never say that in front of his daughter.

On the whole, James had been glad to see Teddy even out since returning to England. Although he didn’t see as much of Teddy and Dora now that they lived with Andromeda, he still felt he had a pretty good grasp on Teddy, and it pleased him to see how much more comfortable and confident Teddy was now then when he’d first appeared on James’s doorstep. There had never been a repeat of the instance that first month when Teddy had been unreachable when Dora woke up crying, but there were still times every few months when Teddy ‘took a night off’ and they all pretended they didn’t know he was out partying.

Not that it was any of James’s business. Teddy was a great dad, and everyone needed a break sometimes. He knew that Teddy’s desire to let off some steam had no connection with his maturity as a parent. Still, he couldn’t help being annoyed whenever Teddy showed the signs of a night out the next morning. Maybe he wouldn’t notice so much if it didn’t seem to happen every time they almost talked–

“James? Did you hear me?”

James blinked out of his thoughts to see both Teddy and Dora staring at him, Teddy from the kitchen where he stood in front of the fridge.

“Do you want anything to eat before we go?”

“Oh, thanks, but no. I had breakfast at the house,” James said.

“Dora?”

She slid out of James’s arms and padded across the room. “Yoghurt!”

“Could you say it nicer?”

Dora sighed. “Can I have a yoghurt please?”

Teddy smiled. “What flavor?”

“Purple!”

“Go sit down,” Teddy said. Dora did, and Teddy spelled a napkin into the neck of her shirt before he brought the berry yoghurt and spoon over to the table. “James, you can come sit too if you want.”

James realized he was still standing in the sitting room, watching them like a ninny, and shook himself before following into the kitchen.

Dora managed two spoonfuls of yoghurt before she paused, spoon halfway to her mouth, and turned to James. “What’s your favorite animal?”

“I’m not sure,” James said. “Maybe lions. What’s yours?”

“Penguins,” Dora announced. Yoghurt was dripping off her spoon, but she didn’t notice that or the barrier spell Teddy shot at her chest before yoghurt dripped off the napkin. “Grandma and I read a book about them last night.”

“Did you?” James said, sneaking a glance at Teddy. He was smiling over his coffee, his expression indulgent, and James had a feeling he’d already heard this anecdote at least once that morning.

Dora nodded, taking another messy bite of yoghurt. “Did you know that penguins can’t fly? Even though they’re birds. They swim instead.”

“That’s really interesting,” James said.

Dora smiled. “And the daddies are the ones who take care of the babies when they’re in the, um…” She looked to Teddy.

“In the eggs.”

“In the eggs! When the babies are in the eggs. The daddies take care of them, like Daddy takes care of me!” Dora beamed at James as she scooped up more yoghurt, and James’s heart clenched with happiness, imagining Andromeda making that comparison to Dora as they read.

“I didn’t know that,” James told her. “Are you excited to see the penguins at the zoo?”

“Yes!” Dora said, throwing her hands up and flinging yoghurt across the room in the process.

“Alright, sweetheart, I know you’re excited but can you focus on finishing your breakfast so we can go?” Teddy said. “You’ll be hungry after we get there if you don’t.”

Dora frowned but didn’t complain, her excitement about the trip to the zoo presumably overpowering her usual desire to push back against her father.

James propped his chin on one hand. “What animal are you most looking forward to seeing, Teddy?”

He pretended to think about it. “Hmm, well, I don’t think they have badgers at the zoo, so...probably the snakes?”

James let his jaw drop open in a show of utter shock, feeling gratified by the way both Teddy and Dora laughed when he did.

“I want to see the snakes too, James!” Dora said, laughing as James pushed his expression towards even more comical anguish. “I want to see the snakes like Daddy!”

***

“Excuse me, could I have a few more napkins?” James asked once the woman in front of him had finished ordering. “We’ve had a little spill.” He glanced over his shoulder. Dora’s overturned apple juice was still spreading across their table, and had now reached the edge and begun to drip onto the floor. In a wizarding establishment, cleaning it would have been the work of seconds, but they’d decided to go Muggle for lunch, which meant the only spells they could risk were a whispered _Scourgify_ to clean the juice that had landed on James’s lap.

“Oh! Of course,” the girl behind the counter said, leaning down to get them. The woman who’d just ordered followed James’s gaze and smiled understandingly.

“She insisted she could drink without a sippy cup?” she asked.

“There was a sippy cup malfunction,” James confirmed. He suspected accidental magic, but obviously wasn’t going to say that to this Muggle.

The woman nodded sagely. “How old is she?”

“Almost four.”

“A wonderful age. Make sure you enjoy it while you can!” She advised him, giving a kindly smile and a clap on the shoulder before she went off to find a table.

“There you go, sir,” the girl at the counter said, handing James a stack of napkins. “And would you like another juice for your daughter?”

“She’s not my daughter,” he said automatically. The girl stared at him blankly. “She’s my niece. But yes, on the juice. Thank you.”

“I’ll bring it over,” she said, and James walked back towards their table.

He didn’t know why he always corrected people, or why it rubbed him the wrong way when strangers assumed he was Dora’s father. He ought to have been happy that society had progressed enough that when seeing two men and a child, people automatically thought of a family and assumed he and Teddy were a couple rather than brothers or friends. He had no need to explain himself to random restaurant workers – he could have easily gotten Dora’s refill without clarifying that he himself wasn’t a parent. And it didn’t even feel right to say she was his niece, he reflected as he watched the apple juice soak into the white paper, turning the napkins from crisp to sopping in a matter of seconds. She didn’t call him Uncle James the way she addressed Uncle Al and Aunt Lily – somehow she’d picked up on Teddy calling him James back when they’d lived with him, and had never used a title. Even before she’d been able to pronounce his full name, she’d called out for _Da_ and _Jay,_ and even though Andromeda teased that she’d have no respect for him if she called him by his given name, he could never bring himself to correct her; not that it would have worked anyway, by this point.

“Thank you, James,” Teddy said. He had Dora on his lap now, wiping her face from another mysterious spill. Before Dora, James had no idea how messy children could be, and everyday he was filled with new respect for his parents for raising three children who thrived off of Quidditch, pretend potion making, and bickering with each other.

“Of course,” James said, dropping a few napkins onto the ground and pushing them around with his foot to catch the juice on the tiled floor.

“Stop!” Dora said, turning her face away from Teddy as he went to wipe off her chin. “You’re hurting me!”

Teddy sighed, and James could practically see him holding his tongue. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said. “If I wet the napkin, can you wipe off your face yourself? You have chocolate all over your chin.”

Dora nodded, expression mulish. Teddy dipped a clean napkin in his water glass and handed it to her. It was obvious she was struggling, not being able to see where on her face the food was and also lacking the coordination of someone older, but Teddy didn’t try to help her again; he leaned on the table, watching as she dabbed at her face for a full minute before she looked up at him.

“Did I get it?”

“Almost. Here,” Teddy said, and Dora relinquished the napkin so he could wipe the spots she’d missed.

It was utterly mundane, the type of moment that James wouldn’t give a second glance to if it involved anyone else. A child with a messy face and a parent testing their own patience – it was nothing out of the ordinary. But when it was Teddy and Dora – Dora looking up at Teddy with wide purple eyes, a compromise Teddy had allowed because he deemed it less noticeable than her preferred yellow hair – he was captivated.

It was just because he knew them, he told himself. He’d watched Dora grow up for over three years, of course she meant more to him than random children he saw on the street. If the expression on Teddy’s face, patient and loving and exasperated all at once, tugged at his heartstrings too, he didn’t want to spend the time to think about that.

***

Lily had her feet up on the coffee table and her laptop balanced on her chest when James came through the door, her body almost completely horizontal. He watched as she went to pick up a glass of juice and miscalculated its location, knocking it off the side table and then realizing he was standing in the doorway.

She grinned, sheepish. “Hey big brother.”

He rolled his eyes, spelling away the mess before toeing off his shoes. “If you insist on putting your feet on my furniture, could you at least take your shoes off before you do?”

Lily made a show of shaking her flip-flops off, and they landed with a _slap-slap_ on the floor. “Happy now?”

“Marginally,” James said, heading into the kitchen, unsurprised when Lily popped up from the sofa to follow him.

“So how was the zoo?” she said, straddling one of the kitchen chairs and tapping her fingers on the table, her nails clacking faintly against the varnished wood. It was a new nervous habit of hers, but one James was trying not to give her too hard a time about because he knew she was going through a lot right now.

“Good,” he said, Summoning a bottle of lemonade from the fridge. “Crowded. Dora had a good time, that’s what’s most important.”

Lily nodded. “Of course.”

“She made Teddy carry her around on his shoulders for part of the time. It was really cute.”

Lily raised her eyebrows. “Dora was really cute, or Teddy was?”

“They were cute together,” James said, and huffed when he caught sight of the expression on Lily’s face. “Merlin’s sake, Lils, not this again.”

“I wouldn’t give you such a hard time about it if you would just admit that you like him!”

“There’s nothing like that going on between us, I’ve told you.”

“Yeah, that’s what you keep saying, but every time you see him you come home with the same expression.” She pulled a lovestruck face, curling her hands under her chin and blinking dramatically. “With stars in your eyes.”

“With stars in my eyes? I can’t believe you just said that,” James scoffed, taking the seat opposite her at the table. “I think you just want to live vicariously through me,” he said, stomach dropping when Lily’s expression went from teasing to hurt. “Oh, shit, Lily, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.”

She held up one hand. “We are not going to end up in another conversation about my failed relationships as a distraction from talking about you and Teddy,” Lily announced. “Now, back to the topic at hand…”

James slumped, pushing his chair back as he huffed out a breath. “What do you want me to say, Lily? There’s nothing going on. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

One raised eyebrow. “While we both know your track record for Teddy and lying is less than stellar, I’m going to let that slide. So you say there’s nothing going on...do you want there to be?”

James squeezed his eyes shut. “It doesn’t matter, Lily.”

“Bollocks it doesn’t matter, James. Do you want there to be?”

“Teddy would never be interested in me.”

“I’m not talking to Teddy though, am I?” Lily leaned in. “Do you like him like that?”

James sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe? Sometimes I think there could be something there, you know, and it seems like he’s interested too, but other times…” He shook his head. “I think it’s probably just in my head.”

“So what you’re saying is you like him, but you don’t think he likes you back.”

James frowned. “I guess. But it’s not only that – I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t think he likes me back, but I don’t think he’s ready for a relationship. And I don’t think I’m ready for what being in a relationship with Teddy would entail.”

Lily stole his lemonade, taking a sip and then propping her head on her hand, watching him in yhr way that meant he had her complete attention. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno. Teddy’s come a long way, I mean, he’s much more stable now than he was when he first came back, there’s no denying that.” James glanced up at Lily, who nodded, urging him to continue. “But I still don’t...I mean, he still does things sometimes. Like he’s trying to get away.” He thought of the one and only time he’d gone clubbing with Teddy, watching his best friend go from familiar to unrecognizable as he knocked back two shots within five minutes before displaying himself against the bar. By the time Teddy was across the room, a stranger practically fucking him through their clothes as they writhed to the beat, James had to swallow the bile in his throat and call it a night.

He shook his head, not wanting to tell his little sister that particular story. “He still gets drunk and goes clubbing,” he said instead. “He was definitely hungover this morning.”

“Getting drunk and going clubbing doesn’t mean he’s trying to run away,” Lily said, voice even, reasonable.

She was right, James knew. But lately it seemed like every time it happened, it was after they had experienced a moment. On Thursday night Lily had been out with friends, and Teddy and Dora had come over for dinner. Teddy had Floo’d to Andromeda’s to put Dora to sleep but come back after so he and James could watch the latest episode of their favorite program. They’d sat on the sofa with their hips and thighs pressed together even though there was plenty of room, and by the end of the show Teddy’s head had been resting on James’s shoulder. James had bid him goodnight with butterflies in his stomach, wondering if this would finally be the night when things changed – only to arrive at Andromeda’s this morning and realize that the following night, Teddy had been at a club, probably hooking up with a stranger.

Not that there was anything wrong with that, James reminded himself, because Teddy could do what he wanted and it wasn’t like James had any kind of claim on him.

Knowing that logically, however, didn’t make it bother him any less.

***

Tracy hummed to herself, jotting a few notes down on her clipboard before she activated the monitor spells and bright lights thrummed to life around Teddy.

“Okay,” she said, tapping her quill against her chin. “So, we’ve been working on restoring your power core for the purposes of Transfiguration, but during our last session it looked like that was almost complete. This time, I want to test how quickly those reserves are depleted when you morph, especially in comparison to what you remember your stamina being prior to your pregnancy. But first, did you do any transformations between our last session and this one?”

“Um.” Teddy ran a hand through his hair, turquoise again. “I changed my hair, obviously. And I did a few practice things with my daughter, trying to show her how to change her eye color even when she can’t see it.” He rolled his eyes, laughing a bit. “Now her favorite eye color is purple, but that’s a problem for another day.”

Tracy laughed too, and James smiled, remembering how Dora had showed off her unnatural eyes to him last week.

“And this is the first time you’ve changed your hair color for so long, correct?”

“Yeah.” Teddy shifted in his chair. “I was able to do it before for short periods of time, but when I was stressed or really tired it would go back to brown.”

“So this is the first time since before your pregnancy that you’ve been able to maintain a morphed hair color for an extended period of time?” Tracy confirmed, quill moving across the parchment as she looked up to check in with Teddy.

“That’s correct,” he said, and she nodded.

“But that was something you were able to do pre-pregnancy, and something that your daughter is able to do?”

“Yes,” Teddy said. “I’ve been told I was making my hair turquoise even as a baby, and Dora did the same thing. By the time I left for school, I could change it at will and maintain it for a long time.”

“Do you have any estimates on the longest period you ever kept it another color?”

Teddy frowned. “I think it was blue for most of the time I was in school.”

James snorted, remembering Teddy’s teenage years, when he’d decided that his hair being just turquoise wasn’t rebellious enough, as it was something Andromeda and the rest of their family had accepted years ago. For several summers before James had entered Hogwarts, Teddy had come home with the most ridiculous hairstyles possible – neon zebra stripes and leopard spots, an undercut, a mohawk. Once he’d been wearing it down to his hips, and platinum white like Victoire’s; once he’d made it look like he’d shaved it off entirely. It was only during James’s first year of school, when he waved to Teddy from across the Great Hall every morning, that he realized Teddy didn’t really wear it like that to his classes – most days it was turquoise, or brown, or another innocuous natural color. Eleven-year-old James’s mind had been blown with the realization that Teddy was just trying to wind his grandmother up, and he’d been honored beyond belief that Teddy implicitly trusted him to keep the secret.

Most of his first year at Hogwarts was a blur, but he distinctly remembered the ride home before Christmas hols. He’d been sitting with Louis and the other Gryffindor first-years, but as the train entered London, Teddy and Victoire had knocked on their compartment door. Victoire had hustled Louis off to where she’d stowed both of their trunks and Teddy had waited while James wrestled his down from the overhead rack, only interfering with a _Wingardium Leviosa_ when it almost whacked James in the head. His hair had been it’s usual turquoise, but as they exited the train he’d changed it to half black and half white, adding in ridiculous curls for good measure. The surge of pride James had felt when Teddy winked at him before leading him across the platform to where his parents and Andromeda were waiting for them had accounted for his good mood the rest of that week.

“James?” Tracy asked, turning to look at him. “Did you have something you wanted to add?”

“Oh, no, no,” James said, shaking his head. “Just remembering some of the more memorable hairstyles that Teddy tried when we were younger.”

Teddy met his eye, and James could see that he was remembering too, so he quickly busied himself with updating his own notes, knowing that if he kept looking at Teddy he was liable to burst out laughing.

“Alright,” Tracy said, turning back to Teddy. “So it’s fair to say that your hair was easy to change and easy to maintain before your pregnancy.”

Teddy nodded. “Yes. Probably the easiest thing, actually.”

“Okay,” Tracy said. “That’s great information. So now, I want to see how many times you can change it in succession. It’s not quite the same as measuring the transformation maintenance, but since it seems like that’s coming back to your previous strength, I want to look at how much it takes for that strength to be depleted. Does that make sense?”

Teddy tilted his head to the side. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“And are you alright with doing that?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“Alright,” she said. “James, would you list off colors, please, with a thirty second interval, so that I can observe and take notes?”

“Of course,” he said.

“Red. Black. Green. White.” Teddy was able to change his hair instantaneously. It reminded him of what Teddy used to do to amuse Lily when she was a baby, a memory James couldn’t be sure he actually recalled from the time he was four or knew because the story had been retold so many times. “Orange. Purple. Grey.” It was clearly becoming more of a struggle, taking Teddy more time to complete the changes. The change was visible as the new color rolled from his roots to the ends of his hair. James spaced out the commands, allowing more time for Teddy to complete the morph. “Blue.” Another slow transition, the results more aqua than strictly blue. “Yellow.” The ends of Teddy’s hair were still changing color when Tracy called a stop.

“I think that’s enough for now,” she said, making a few final marks on her clipboard. “Nine successful changes in under twelve minutes. That’s nothing to scoff at in terms of magical stamina.”

While Tracy had been pleased, Teddy frowned. “I used to be able to do that for at least an hour,” he said. “The adults always loved me because it would entertain the babies.”

“But it’s much better than you could do even a year ago,” James pointed out, wanting to take the expression of disappointment off Teddy’s face. “It’s all progress.”

“I know that,” Teddy grumbled. “But still.”

“You’ve made truly impressive improvements since we started working together,” Tracy said, pulling out her wand to begin taking down the diagnostic spells. “And though I’d like to have a few more sessions to track your progress, I don’t think they need to be as frequent anymore. You’ve clearly regained enough control of your Metamorphmagus abilities in order for it to stop impacting your day to day life.”

Teddy raised his eyebrows. “Really? You think we’re done?”

Tracy shrugged. “The purpose of our sessions was always to help you, Teddy, not for my research. I appreciate you letting me collect data, and as I said, there are a few more things I’d like to test if you’re willing, but I don’t think we need to make regular appointments anymore.”

James grinned, looking to see Teddy’s reaction. He knew how much it had frustrated Teddy for his powers to be stunted, since they’d always been second nature to him, and was glad that Tracy was confirming what he had already suspected: Teddy was on the road to a complete recovery.

Teddy, however, was frowning. “If you’re sure.”

“If you feel you’re backsliding, or if things become more difficult again, definitely let me know,” she said. “But as I initially anticipated, I think we’ve passed the threshold that you needed in order for your powers to come back entirely. Now that you’re there, I anticipate that morphing will only get easier. Out of curiosity, do you think you could change your hair again right now?”

Teddy paused to think about it. “Now I could, yeah. I probably wouldn’t have been able to right when you stopped the experiment.”

Tracy smiled. “Wonderful. Teddy, you’re free to go. James, can we confirm this data before you head out?”

“I’ll wait for you outside,” Teddy said, rising from the chair.

“Great. See you in a few.”

***

When James emerged from the Transfiguration building into the bright August sunlight, he blinked, holding up a hand to shield his eyes from the sun. A little ways down the path, Teddy sat on a bench, legs stretched out straight in front of him, his still-yellow hair an almost blinding beacon. James raised a hand to wave, but Teddy didn’t notice him until James came to a stop in front of him, casting Teddy’s face in shadow.

“Are you going to change your hair from yellow?”

Teddy looked startled. “What? Oh, no, not right away. I think Dora will like it.”

“I’m sure.” James smiled. Teddy didn’t respond. “You seem awfully deep in thought for someone who was just told that they would make a full recovery,” James said.

Teddy smiled in the way that made the edges of his eyes crinkle. “Just thinking.”

He’d made no move to get up, so James sat down beside him on the bench. “About what?”

Teddy sighed. “Why haven’t you found another job yet?”

James shifted, suddenly feeling defensive. “What do you mean?”

“When I first started working with Tracy, you were helping her because you were still in school and finishing your dissertation and everything. But you graduated two years ago and you’re still working in her lab. Don’t you want to find another position?”

“This may come as a shock to you, Teddy, but there’s actually not a huge market for academics with a focus in Transfiguration. It’s not like there are tons of jobs out there that I’m not applying for,” James said.

“But you were offered that guest lecturer position at that uni in South Africa last year,” Teddy reminded him. “And you turned it down.”

“Yes, because I was going to be gone for ten months and they were being weird about how difficult it would be for me to get International Portkeys.”

“It would have been a great opportunity,” Teddy said. “You said when you were considering it that it would have set you up to get a teaching position in England when you got back.”

James frowned. “I decided not to take that months ago. Why are we talking about this now?”

“I just don’t want you throwing away your future and your opportunities because of me.”

“Do you think that’s what I’m doing?” James asked.

“Maybe!” Teddy said, twistings his hands together. “I don’t know. You can’t honestly tell me that you’re happier here, doing the same work for Tracy you always did except with a degree, than you would have been doing that visiting professorship in Cape Town.”

“Yes I can,” James said, laughing, “because it’s true. It was a prestigious position, sure, but after so many years in school...academic prestige isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I like my job here with Tracy; I like working with her and the research she’s doing. After the stress of writing my dissertation, I wanted to take a break for a little while.” He sighed. “And if I’d gone, I would have been away from my family for almost a year. I would have missed basically all of Dora being three...There are more important things than academia or my job, Teddy.”

“But don’t you want to be a professor anymore?”

James shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I love teaching – I get to do that now, but I’d like to do it more. But I have the whole rest of my life to worry about that; I don’t need to start right away when there are other things that are more important right now.”

“Oh.” Teddy looked surprised, at a loss for words, and James was suddenly self-conscious, worrying that what he’d said might be taken the wrong way.

In lieu of trying to explain and likely digging himself into an even deeper hole, he stood. “Do you want to get lunch before you go pick up Dora? I could murder a fish and chips right now.”

Teddy laughed, rolling his eyes as he got up as well. “Merlin, James, why do you still talk like you’re a teenager? You’re almost thirty.”

“Age is all mental, Edward,” James said, affecting a serious expression and tapping Teddy’s forehead. Teddy batted his hand away. “Seriously, though, fish and chips?”

“Alright,” Teddy said, smiling at him. “Fish and chips sounds good.”


	8. Chapter Eight

** Chapter Eight **

Teddy heard the voices floating out of the kitchen when he tumbled out of the Floo.

“All I’m saying is that you need to stop buying furniture without consulting me!”

Draco threw a haughty look over his shoulder. “And all _I’m_ saying is that if you bring one more flat pack bookshelf into this house, I’m leaving you. They are _not quality,_ Harry!”

“You wouldn’t leave me over a bookshelf,” Harry said, coming up behind Draco and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“And you wouldn’t know quality furniture if it bit you on the arse,” Draco replied, but he still leaned back into Harry’s embrace.

Teddy knocked on the doorframe, feeling a bit awkward interrupting. Even though he’d had plenty of time to get used to the idea of Harry and Draco as a couple, they were rarely affectionate in public and catching them in a moment of intimacy still made him feel wrong-footed.

“Teddy!” Harry untangled himself from Draco, who went back to stirring whatever was on the hob. He came over to give Teddy a quick hug, which Teddy returned. “We’re just finishing up with getting dinner ready, but the others are outside if you want to join them.” He pulled back, looking at Teddy with confusion. “Where’s Dora?”

“She wasn’t feeling well,” Teddy explained. “In fact, I won’t be able to stay very late – Gran and Kingsley are watching her for the evening but I want to be back before she goes to bed.”

“You can go home if you need to, Teddy, you know that no-one will mind.”

“I didn’t want to miss Wednesday dinner,” Teddy said. “I can stay for a little while.” Truthfully, he was glad for the brief reprieve from his sick daughter. As much as it pained him to see her feeling so poorly – and it did – there was nothing he could do about Dora’s cold except keep feeding her chicken soup and Pepper-Up. It was a waiting game, which was hard to explain to a four-year-old who was stubborn on the best of days and completely disagreeable when ill. He’d spent the past forty-eight hours being sneezed and cried on while Dora decided she hated every conceivable flavor of juice. Teddy needed adult company.

From the look in Harry’s eyes, Teddy guessed he knew what Teddy was thinking. “I get it,” Harry said. “Food will be out in a few, drinks in the fridge if you want something cold.”

Teddy retrieved a Butterbeer with a nod of thanks and made his way outside.

In the back garden, everyone else was settled on Harry and Draco’s wrought iron patio furniture. Wednesday dinners were for immediate family, unlike the larger Sunday evening affairs at the Burrow. From what Teddy had gathered from the few references made to the dark days when Albus hadn’t been talking to Harry, the dinners had first been an attempt for Harry and Draco to maintain a relationship with their kids, getting them more acclimated to the idea of them as a couple. Years later, the tone was much happier, and it had been a true sign to Teddy that he’d been forgiven when Harry had invited him for the first time.

The gatherings weren’t as big as they’d once been now that Lily had split from Helen and Lys, but they were still loud and boisterous in the manageable way that made Teddy feel joy rather than anxiety.

Albus and Scorpius were tangled up together on one of the love seats, Scorpius’s arm thrown over Albus’s shoulders and their hands intertwined. Lily had claimed the other love seat, sitting horizontally with her legs stretched out, short jean shorts and a lot of freckles. That left the seat beside James open for Teddy, and he shouldn’t have felt a tingle of trepidation as he made his way down the few steps from the house into the grass.

“Teddy!” James caught sight of him and grinned. Teddy smiled back, feeling silly. It was just James. There was nothing to be nervous about.

“You made it,” James continued as Teddy sat down beside him, opening his Butterbeer before dropping his wand on the table. “Is Dora feeling any better?”

“Not quite better yet, but she’s on the mend. As this is the one hour I get to spend away from the sick four-year-old, though, do you think we could pick a different topic of conversation?”

Everyone laughed at that. James knocked his knee against Teddy’s – in solidarity? Completely by accident? – and Teddy felt it more than he should have.

“We could talk about how James never keeps snacks in his kitchen,” Lily said, tilting her head back to make upside-down eye contact with Teddy. “You’ve lived with him too, after all.”

“If we’re talking about that, we’d have to talk about how my _darling_ sister won’t pay for her share of groceries, even though she has her own job and is living with me rent free,” James retorted, reaching out a toe to poke Lily.

She lifted her leg out of the way. “Hey!”

“Stop murdering each other,” Draco drawled, stepping out of the back door with a large bowl of pasta floating behind him. “We just got new cushions for these chairs.”

“We were doing nothing,” Albus said, smiling smugly at the others as he leaned in to kiss Scorpius on the cheek.

“You weren’t doing nothing in our guest bathroom last week,” Harry said, following behind with a tureen of sauce and a plate of garlic bread. Teddy joined James and Lily in laughter as Scorpius and Albus turned matching shades of pink.

Alienated as he felt sometimes from the Potters, so close-knit it could be impossible not to feel left out, this was what he’d missed when he’d been away. Now that he was older, he could see that they’d never been trying to exclude him: he’d been putting that on himself, choosing to wallow instead of enjoy the moments with people who loved him. He’d always be grateful that his ten-year absence hadn’t caused a total burning of bridges. Although it had taken Lily and Albus longer to warm up to his return, they had, and now Teddy had his adopted siblings back.

And Dora had a whole cadre of uncles and aunts, great-uncles, grandparents, and more who adored her. It made Teddy’s life as a single parent easier, that was for certain, but more than that he wanted Dora to grow up knowing she was loved. Not that Teddy hadn’t – he’d never doubted he was loved, by Andromeda, by Harry and the rest of the Weasleys, but he’d also been separate. James had been born around the same time Teddy realized that he lived with his _grandmother,_ not his mother and father, and that wasn’t the case for most other kids his age. As a teenager, the knowledge that his grandmother – as much as she loved him, cared for him, gave him everything he could need – definitely hadn’t _wanted_ to raise another child was a constant source of angst, as was his exclusion from all things Potter.

He wished he hadn’t let his doubts get the better of him back then. But as his therapist always reminded him, he couldn’t change the past – all he could do was embrace the present and prepare for the future.

“Teddy? Do you want any garlic bread?” James was holding the basket with an expression that said it wasn’t the first time he’d asked.

“Oh! Yes,” Teddy said, taking a piece and biting into it. It was perfectly buttery and garlicky, the crust crumbling in his mouth. “Thanks.”

James’s lip twitched. “Did you want a plate?”

“Oh.” Teddy swallowed, laughing at himself. “Yes, that would probably be a good idea.”

James was laughing too, when he handed Teddy a plate, already piled high with pasta. Their hands brushed when Teddy took it, and he tried not to blush.

“Thank you, James.”

***

Two days later found Teddy stretched out on the couch, a monitor charm in place so he would hear if Dora started coughing again. Her cold hadn’t gone away as quickly as they’d hoped, but at least the exhaustion had caught up with her and she’d stopped complaining about having to stay in bed most of the day – because she was actually asleep. The morning had been full of excitement because James had come over, bearing Disney DVDs and a Muggle sport drink called Lucozade which was supposed to good for hydration when sick. Dora had declared the Lucozade disgusting but watched a movie and a half before falling asleep, rousing only briefly as Teddy carried her up the stairs and put her to bed. James had to leave for an afternoon class soon after, but he’d left Teddy with a double pack of Jaffa Cakes he’d intended to save for after dinner but had already eaten over half of.

He looked up when the door opened and Andromeda and Kingsley stepped inside, each carrying a shopping bag from the Muggle supermarket a few streets over.

“Doing okay, papa?” Andromeda asked, lips quirking with repressed amusement as Teddy threw his head back and groaned.

“No,” he said, which made them both laugh. “Who knew a sick four-year-old could be so much trouble?”

Andromeda came to sit beside him, gently knocking his feet onto the floor to make room, while Kingsley brought their groceries into the kitchen. “I could have told you that,” she said. “Or have you forgotten the time you caught dragon pox in the middle of July?”

Teddy squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his face heat with embarrassment. “I had,” he admitted. “I had forgotten.”

His grandmother laughed again. There was rather too much laughter happening at Teddy’s expense, he felt, although he might have been in a better mood to deal with it if he hadn’t already had to change his shirt twice today due to it being covered in snot.

“What’s this?” Kingsley asked, coming back into the sitting room and picking up the bottle of Lucozade from the coffee table.

“James brought it for Dora. It’s supposed to have a lot of electrolytes, or something.” Teddy said.

James had also joked, once Dora had said she didn’t want anymore, that Teddy might want to save it for the next time he went out. “It’s good for a hangover,” he’d said, and Teddy had to force himself to smile, to not let himself travel down the oh-so-tempting path of _is that what he thinks of me?_ That was how it’d begun with Evan, too – jokes about Teddy’s habits and preferences, nothing that implied he minded, until they were having the same fight every time Teddy wanted to spend an evening out or put on a shirt Evan felt was inappropriate for someone their age. Until Teddy got tired of fighting and started skiving off dates to go out with his friends instead.

“Hmm,” Kingsley said. “Why is it this color?” The drink was a neon pink that Teddy agreed looked deeply unappetizing.

“It’s supposed to be pink lemonade flavored.”

“Pink lemonade?”

“It’s a Muggle thing,” Teddy sighed, letting his eyes fall shut as he dropped his head back against the arm of the couch. “I don’t know. Ask James next time you see him.”

Kingsley chuckled. “I’m sure that will be soon,” he said.

Teddy’s eyes flew open in time to see him disappear up the stairs. He turned to Andromeda. “What did he mean by that? Do you two not like it when James comes over?”

She shook her head, resting a hand on his knee. “No, Teddy, it’s nothing like that. You know we don’t mind when James comes over. I think Kingsley was just teasing you.” At Teddy’s blank look, she continued. “About the fact that...well, James has been over rather a lot lately, hasn’t he?”

“I guess,” Teddy said. He hadn’t thought about it before, but now that Andromeda mentioned it...well, everyone had been over for Dora’s birthday party a few weeks before, but James had helped them set up beforehand and clean up the following day. When they went places together, he usually picked Teddy and Dora up, and he’d been stopping by even more lately with treats for one or both of them. Teddy flushed, and bent one knee, bringing it up to hide his face on the pretense of examining a hole in his jeans. “I think that’s just because Lily’s living with him right now,” he said.

“Right,” Andromeda said, voice dry. Then she sighed. “Teddy, I thought we’d gotten past you hiding things from me.”

He raised his head. “What do you mean by that?”

She pressed her lips together. “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t tell me about things that are happening in your life. Relationships. That sort of thing.”

Sometimes Teddy cursed his grandmother’s pureblood upbringing, which made her more likely to talk around a subject than come out and say what she was thinking. “You think James and I are together and I haven’t told you.”

Andromeda let out a breath that in someone less refined might have been a scoff. “Your tone implies that you think I’m an idiot for wondering,” she said.

“No, no!” Teddy said, pulling himself into a sitting position. “I don’t – I never think you’re an idiot. But there’s nothing going on between me and James.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You think the idea is so outrageous?”

 _Outrageous that he could ever like me, yes,_ Teddy thought but didn’t say. “James isn’t interested in relationships, I don’t think – I mean, he hasn’t gone on more than a few dates with anyone since I’ve been back.”

“If I recall, he had a serious boyfriend during his first years in university.”

“Well, I mean – it’s not like we talk about that kind of thing,” Teddy admitted. “I don’t know what he’s looking for.”

“He certainly seems to be paying a special attention to you lately.”

“Because we’re friends!” Teddy raked his hands through his hair. “Trust me – I appreciate your support, really I do, and if anything was happening I would tell you, but it’s not. And it’s not going to.”

He was saved from further interrogation by the sound of Dora coughing across the monitor charm.

With a sigh, he went to stand, but was stopped by Andromeda’s hand on his shoulder. “I’m going upstairs anyway,” she said. “I’ll see if I can get her back to sleep and if not, I’ll call you, alright?”

Normally Teddy would have protested. Although he appreciated having Andromeda and Kingsley around to help with the inevitable difficulties of child-wrangling, he tried to do as much as he could himself, tried not to rely too much on the help of other people – whether because he wanted to prove he didn’t need anyone or wanted to martyr himself as a single parent, even he wasn’t sure. But it was day six of Dora being poorly, and he wanted to stay on the sofa and finish his pack of Jaffa Cakes.

“Call me if she needs _anything,_ ” he said, lying back down as Andromeda got up and headed for the stairs.

Teddy pulled out another cake, admiring the perfect uniform curve of the bottom, the little bump in the chocolate where the jelly was hidden. They were his favorite, which James had remembered. Just like he remembered Teddy’s favorite tea and that he only took it with sugar, and Teddy’s usual order at the Thai restaurant near James’s house, and every embarrassing thing Teddy did his last year at Hogwarts.

He sighed, dropping the Jaffa cake back onto the table as he rolled onto his back. “It’s because we’re friends,” he told himself. Just friends. Even if James had grown up more handsome than he had any right to be and knew Teddy inside-out without even trying. Teddy may have been back in his family’s good graces, but he hadn’t forgotten that James was the one who’d opened his door for Teddy and his crazy history when no one else had known he was in England. Teddy couldn’t afford to fuck up his friendship with James, for his sake or Dora’s, because of inconvenient feelings.

Feelings James wouldn’t return, Teddy couldn’t help but think, aware that he was being morose but not caring enough to stop. James was like Evan – successful in his chosen field, driven and mature, with his priorities sorted out and a plan for his life. Not like Teddy, with his dodgy work history, incomplete degree, and glamorous life as a single parent.

Dora began to cough through the monitor charm again, and he sighed, leveraging himself into a sitting position. No time to dwell on his lack of a love life when a sick child awaited him upstairs.

***

Teddy closed _Wanda the Welsh Green_ and set it on Dora’s bedside table.

“Do you want me to read you another story?” Normally he tried to limit her to one book per night, or she would have him in there until midnight reading, but since this was the first night she’d been feeling well enough to stay awake for the entire story, he decided it was a special occasion.

“Wanda has a mommy and a daddy,” Dora said.

Teddy froze, his stomach swooping with nerves. He didn’t like where this was going. “Yes?”

Dora pointed towards her bookshelf. “And so does Ella in her book. And Arthur in _The Golden Snitch._ Maddy has a mommy and a daddy too.” She tilted her head up to look at Teddy. “But I only have you.”

Teddy wrapped an arm around Dora’s back, pulling her into her side. He’d hoped Dora would be older, more able to understand the full story, before they had this conversation. “Well, families can be lots of different things. There are families with a mommy and a daddy, but there can also be two mommies or two daddies, or just one mommy or one daddy, like you have.” He leaned over to kiss the crown of her head. Her hair was dirty blonde today, and he wasn’t sure if it was an attempt at yellow she couldn’t maintain or a whim. “And there can be different numbers of children, too. Like how you’re an only child, but Uncle James has a brother and a sister.”

“Uncle Al and Aunt Lily,” Dora supplied.

“Right,” Teddy said. “And there might be even more people in a family too, like how we live with Grandma Andy and Grandpa Kingsley?”

“Yeah.” Dora nodded. “But Maddy said you need a mommy and a daddy to make a baby?”

Teddy was going to cheerfully murder Louis and Adrianna the next time he saw them. It made sense that they were talking about this with Maddy, now that Adrianna was pregnant with their second child, and he should have been expecting the information to make its way from Maddy to Dora as so much did, but a little warning would have been nice.

“You do need two people to make a baby,” he said. “Two people who–” He stopped himself. _Two people who love each other_ would only lead to more confusion when Dora asked where her other daddy was. “Who work together,” he said instead. “Usually it’s a mommy and a daddy, but in special cases it could be two mommies, or two daddies. Like for you.” He pushed Dora’s hair back, trying to gauge how she was reacting to the news, but she seemed to still be processing.

“But I only have you,” she said.

“There was another daddy who helped me make you, where we used to live, in New York,” Teddy explained. “But he...we didn’t get along very well. We decided it would be better for me to take care of you, here in England, with the rest of our family. Because you don’t just have me, Dora, you have Grandma Andy and Grandpa Kingsley, and Uncle James, and Maddy and her parents. We have lots of family here.”

Dora was frowning, and seemed not to have heard most of what Teddy had said. “I had another daddy?”

Teddy suppressed a sigh. “Yes.”

“But he doesn’t live with us.”

“No. He lives in New York.”

“Will I ever get to meet him?” Dora asked, turning wide blue eyes up towards him.

Never, that was Teddy’s instinctive reaction. Never in a million years, not until hell froze over. Michael would have to AK Teddy and step over his dead body to have a chance of coming anywhere near Dora.

But he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop her when she was older. After she turned seventeen, she’d be able to go where she wanted and do as she pleased. He could only hope he’d be able to explain it well enough, make her understand, make her believe him, so she wouldn’t choose to go looking for Michael.

“Maybe when you’re older,” Teddy said instead. “We can talk about it then. But it’s a very long distance to travel, so you wouldn’t be able to go by yourself, and since I don’t get along with him I wouldn’t be able to come with you.” It looked like she was about to open her mouth to argue, so Teddy blustered on. “You wouldn’t want to travel so far without me, would you? It’s a long way away, even by Portkey.”

It was a low blow, playing on Dora’s fear of being without him, but Teddy didn’t have it in him to discuss it any more. And it worked; her lip trembled and she shook her head, burrowing under the covers.

“Then we can talk about it when you’re older,” he repeated. “But for now we’re staying right here in England, alright?” He took a deep breath, trying to calm the panic that had curled it’s way into his chest. He didn’t want himself or Dora to end up having nightmares. “Would you like me to read you another story before you go to sleep?”

“Ella.”

“Ella what?”

“Ella, please.”

“Alright.” Teddy grabbed his wand, Summoning _Ella the Enchanting Elephant_ from the bookshelf. “Let’s read about Ella.”

***

James had been staring at Teddy all night.

At least, that’s what it felt like to Teddy. Maybe he was hyper self-conscious of his proximity to James after his conversation with Andromeda a few days prior. He was still half-convinced that he imagined every sign he thought he was getting from James; that in reality Teddy was harboring embarrassing, obvious feelings and James was only spending time with him because he felt bad for Teddy and his shitty life.

But James _had_ been staring at him, of this Teddy was certain. He’d also offered to come over and help Teddy with dinner when he found out that Andromeda and Kingsley would be gone for the night at one of the Ministry parties Kingsley was obligated to attend as a former Minister. Teddy had accepted, because he liked James’s company and Dora was slightly more agreeable around people she didn’t consider family – although he wasn’t sure James fit in that category anymore.

Either way, Teddy didn’t think James would have been the one to suggest spending an evening together if he was trying to get away from Teddy.

“This isn’t believable at all,” James said, gesturing towards the telly. “I mean, this witch isn’t even wearing robes!” He shot a conspiratorial glance at Teddy as Dora, between them, giggled.

“She’s not a witch, James. She’s a fairy godmother!”

“Ohhh.” James slapped his palm against his forehead, affecting a look of realization. Teddy smothered a laugh. “She’s a _fairy godmother._ I didn’t realize.”

“She’s coming to help Cin-drella,” Dora explained.

“You’re so smart, Dora,” James said, ruffling her hair. “How many times have you seen this film?”

“Not a lot,” Dora said, while Teddy muttered under his breath, “Too many times.”

James shot him a look of amusement. “You’ll let me know if there’s any scary parts coming up so I can cover my eyes, won’t you?” He said to Dora.

She nodded, reaching out for James. “And you can hold my hand.”

“Thank you.”

It wasn’t fair, Teddy reflected, as he gained a new appreciation for _Cinderella_ watching Dora explain the plot to James, who nodded along and never once let on that he’d gone through his own fairytale obsession as a kid. It did nothing to help his heart, the way James grinned as he let Dora ride his shoulders up the stairs to her bedroom.

When Teddy came back down after Dora’s bedtime routine (one story tonight, and she’d been almost asleep when he left the room), James was in the kitchen doing the washing up. There were only a few dishes still in the sink, James directing a sudsy sponge over them with his wand. When he heard Teddy come in, he smiled at him over his shoulder. “Dora go down okay?”

“Yeah,” Teddy said, sliding into a chair. “I think she’s still recovering a little from the cold.”

“She was fading fast by the end of the film,” James said. Teddy let himself enjoy the view while James couldn’t see him; let his eyes travel over James’s shoulders, his back, the line of his spine and the way it lead into the curve of his arse. Then he felt guilty for ogling and tore his eyes away, examining the wood grain of the table.

This wasn’t fair either. Coming downstairs to James doing the dishes, smiling at Teddy from the sink, was too much for one man’s heart. It beat in his chest with a pattern of _I-want, I-want_ that Teddy hadn’t felt since his first months with Evan.

“That was nice of you,” Teddy said. James quirked his head in question. “To pretend you hadn’t seen it before.”

James laughed. “It’s not like I wasn’t going to let Dora explain the plot to me,” he said, as if that was obvious. “Besides, I imagine you wanted a break from hearing about the glory of Cinderella.”

“Maybe,” Teddy admitted, then sighed. “Merlin, that probably makes me a horrible parent.”

James let the pot he was washing drop back into the soapy water and turned to face Teddy, folding his hands across his chest. “It does _not,_ ” he said. “I think all parents get tired of their children’s obsessions. That’s why there are different films for kids and adults. It doesn’t make you a bad parent at all.” He frowned. “You’re a good father, Teddy.”

Teddy shrugged. He did the best he could, but sometimes he wondered if it was enough. At least he was around.

“You _are,_ ” James said. “You love Dora so much – anyone with eyes can see that, Teddy.”

“There’s more to being a good parent than loving your kid.”

“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure that’s the most important thing, and there are some people who can’t even do that.” At Teddy’s continued look of disbelief, James sighed. “You love her, and she knows you love her, and she has a home and food and books and toys. Those are the most important things, Teddy. You love her, and you do everything you can to make sure she’s safe and happy – that’s what makes you a good father.”

“For now,” Teddy said. “But what about when she gets older? When she starts asking questions?” His stomach churned, thinking about their conversation the previous night. When she was older, would Dora understand why Teddy’d made the choices he had? Or would she think of him as a failure someday too?

James put down his wand and pulled out the chair next to Teddy’s, sitting and scooching so their knees were almost touching. He reached out to rest a hand on Teddy’s shoulder. “You’ll cross that bridge when you get to it,” he said. “You’ll answer the questions when they come up. The future isn’t here yet, but when it is, you’ll be ready for it, just like you’ve been ready for everything else with Dora.”

“Been ready alone,” Teddy grumbled. He normally didn’t voice the thought, not wanting to be seen as a whinger, but it was true. “It’s hard to do it all alone.”

“You’re not alone,” James whispered. “You’ve got lots of people here to help you.”

Teddy was grateful for his grandmother and Kingsley. He was grateful for James, and Harry and Draco. He certainly had more support as a parent here, back home, than he ever would have had in New York. But at the same time he felt very solitary. It was Teddy who had to discipline Dora and comfort her when she was upset. Teddy who had to make every decision, who’d have to explain her history when she was old enough. He wished often that he had someone to talk things over with, or at least someone to crawl into bed beside at the end of the night. But he wasn’t half of a partnership – he was going it all by himself.

“Who do I have, James?” Teddy asked.

“You’ve got me.”

He was so close. They’d both drifted closer over the course of the conversation, as if pulled by a magnetic force, until they were leaning in, breathing each other’s air, noses scant inches from touching. James’s hand was warm through Teddy’s shirt. It was the easiest thing in the world to curl his hand around James’s neck and pull him in for a kiss.

They met and melted. There was no awkward fight for dominance, no misunderstanding of position. James leaned into him, tilting his head in a perfect counterpoint to Teddy. It was slow, exploratory, but without hesitation. Teddy’s heartbeat echoed in every limb, that simple sound: _I-want, I-want, I-want._ James’s lips still tasted like the pasta sauce they’d had for dinner. Teddy wanted to lick them open.

He was just about to do so when James pulled back. His hand, which had moved to twist into Teddy’s hair, fell away, and Teddy felt cold.

“Wait,” James said.

Teddy’s heart sank, but he schooled his expression. He sat back in his chair, curling his legs underneath the seat so they wouldn’t brush against James’s.

“We shouldn’t,” James said.

Teddy knew it was petulant, but he didn’t care. “Why?” He asked. “Did you not want me to kiss you?”

James’s face twisted into something complicated. “I– No. That’s not it.”

It was a relief Teddy hadn’t known he needed. Still, he pressed on. “Then why not? Isn’t that the most important thing?”

James sighed. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. You’re not– I mean, we’re not ready for something like this.”

A phantom of a memory, Evan’s voice echoed in his ears. _Teddy. You say you’re ready for something serious, but how can you expect me to be in a relationship with someone who can’t even hold down a job? Relationships are for mature adults. If you want one, you need to act like one._

“I mean– I value our friendship so much, Teddy. I don’t want to risk it for–”

“For what?” Teddy asked. “You don’t know what I want. You haven’t let me say anything. It’s not like I’m saying we should get _married,_ all I did was kiss you – I might just think you’re fit and fancy a shag.”

The words made James’s face fall. That was something Teddy hadn’t been anticipating. “You’re right,” he said. “I shouldn’t be speaking for you. I don’t think I’m ready for this, I guess is what I meant.”

Even though James had every right to say so, Teddy’s heart sank. Of course James wasn’t ready. James wasn’t yet thirty. James had an advanced degree and his whole career in front of him. James was a catch – he could do better than someone like Teddy, saddled with baggage and a four-year-old kid.

“I think I should go,” James said. He was already standing, plucking his wand up off the counter and sliding it into his pocket. “I don’t think now’s the right time for this conversation.”

“Then when is?”

“I’m not trying to fight with you, Teddy.”

“I’m not trying to fight either!”

James’s lips were a tight line. “I don’t think we should talk about this anymore right now.”

“You’ve said you’re not interested,” Teddy said. “I’m not sure what else there would be to talk about.”

“I didn’t say–” James sighed. “You know what? We’re both tired. I’ll owl you later.”

“Fine,” Teddy snarked.

“Fine!”

Teddy stayed at the table as James stomped into the living room, listening to the clank of the lid of the jar where they kept the Floo powder, then the _whoosh_ of the flames that carried James away. He dropped his forehead to the table with a groan.

Merlin, how many times had James been close enough to kiss? And how many times had Teddy resisted the impulse? Because he’d known it would end up like this; he’d known that James liking him back would be too good to be true.

With a sigh, he hauled himself upright and spelled the clean dishes to their cabinets. He thought about fixing himself a stiff drink to take up to bed, but in the end he grabbed a packet of Jaffa Cakes instead.


	9. Chapter Nine

** Chapter Nine **

“Vic’s kids will be there. And of course, Teddy will bring Dora, too.”

James swung around from where he’d been examining a shelf of new Wheezes’ products to stare at Louis. “Teddy’s coming? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Behind the shop counter Louis had been rifling through a stack of papers, but he stopped and looked up at James’s tone. “...Because I had no idea this would be a problem, although now your tone is making it clear that it is one?” His face was a picture of confusion. “Don’t you see him practically every day anyway? Why, did you not want to see him?”

James turned back to the shelf, picking up something at random and pretending to read the box. “Don’t be silly. I don’t care about seeing him.”

“Okay,” Louis said slowly. “See the thing is, I’m getting a lot of mixed signals from you right now. Also you’re holding that box upside-down.”

James put the box back on the shelf, cheeks burning. “I’m fine.”

“Um, I think not,” Louis said. “And I’m contractually obligated as your cousin and second-best friend to ask what’s going on.”

“Second-best? I didn’t know I’d been demoted.”

“You haven’t, I have. Obviously Teddy has long since replaced me in your good graces.” James felt a little green at that, and his face must have shown it, because Louis frowned and put his hands on his hips. “Okay, _spill._ What the fuck is going on with you two?”

“Nothing.”

Louis’s scowl deepened. “I’m not an idiot, James Potter. Don’t make me give you a Babbling Bon-Bon.”

James sighed, rubbing his forehead. He’d been nauseous for the past three days, alternating between worry that he’d ruined his friendship with Teddy, and worry that he’d ruined any chance of something more. Regret and second thoughts plagued him day and night. Every so often he’d remember the feel of Teddy’s lips on his, the sweet smooth rightness of them, and he’d switch things up by regretting pulling away. What would have happened if he’d let Teddy continue kissing him, if they’d taken it to the sofa, or even upstairs to Teddy’s bed?

If they had, James wouldn’t be sitting here with Louis waiting for an explanation for his weird behavior, not having heard from Teddy in days. That was his fault too, James knew, since he’d been the one to say he’d owl, but, well. Sometimes he needed to mope.

“He kissed me,” James admitted.

Louis’s eyebrows flew up. “He kissed you? When? Why am I just now hearing about this?”

“Three days ago, when I went over for dinner while Kingsley and Andromeda were at the Governors’ Ball,” James said. “And then we fought.”

“He kissed you, and then you fought.” Louis sighed. “James, that is not how I wanted this story to go!”

James tilted his head. “How _did_ you want the story to go, then? The story that is my actual life, mind you.”

Louis shook his head. “Never mind. Just–” He Summoned two chairs from the upstairs office, and they clanked against the bannister as they dropped into the main shop area. Louis sat and gestured for James to join him, which he did, rolling his eyes.

“Aren’t you supposed to open the store in a few minutes?”

“We never have customers at nine a.m., James. That can wait. And this is important.” He leaned forward, expression intense. “Why did you fight?”

James sighed. “Because I said we shouldn’t have kissed.”

“Oh.” Louis stared at him as James fidgeted in his seat, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. “Why did you say that? Anyone with eyes can see you like him.”

James rolled his eyes. “First Lily, now you. Why is everyone so convinced that I’m into Teddy?”

“Because it’s obvious that you are! And he clearly likes you too, so what’s the problem?”

“I don’t think he’s ready for a relationship!” James burst out. “I’m not trying to make a judgement on his mental state or anything, but in three years all he’s done is go out clubbing and hook up with strangers. He hasn’t been on even one date, he hasn’t expressed interest in anyone.” Louis made a sound as if to protest, but James continued over him. “And there’s whatever happened with Dora’s other father. He just took her and left, Louis. And I know he’s said his ex wasn’t a great guy and they didn’t get along, but still… What if we start something, and things go badly, and his response is to run away again? He’s already done that twice.”

Louis sighed. “All those concerns are valid, James, I’m not saying they aren’t. But it seems like you’re doing a lot of deciding what Teddy wants without asking him. Have you asked him if he wants something serious? Or about what happened with Dora’s other father?”

James had to shake his head. “No. I mean...I guess you’re right. He said something that made me think he only wanted us to hook up, and I know I couldn’t do that.”

“But you won’t know for sure until you ask him,” Louis said.

“You know, I miss when all of your solutions to my problems involved hair-color-changing shampoo and Skiving Snackboxes.”

Louis laughed. “Hair-color-changing shampoo wouldn’t mean much to Teddy anyway, now would it?”

“I guess not.” James sighed. “Merlin, Louis, when did we become such grown-ups?”

Louis burst out laughing. “Speak for yourself, James, but I’m never growing up.”

***

The second time Albus had gone off to refill his drink and James had followed him to his next conversation, his little brother yanked him into the kitchen by his elbow, dropping his cup on the counter and crossing his arms.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Al said. “I’m usually the one following you around the party. If I didn’t know better I’d say you were avoiding someone.”

“I can’t want to talk with my favorite brother?”

“I’m your only brother, and you love socializing.”

“I don’t love socializing, I’m good at it,” James corrected sharply. “And I don’t feel like making small talk with the family today.”

Al raised an eyebrow. “Fair. But are you sure you aren’t avoiding a certain someone?”

James narrowed his eyes. “Who told you. Lily?”

“Who else?”

“Fuck.” James rubbed his hand over his eyes. “I didn’t even mean to tell _her._ ”

“Well you don’t need to worry, I haven’t told anyone else.” James glared at Albus. “Okay, okay, I told Scorpius, but that’s it!”

“Absolutely useless,” James muttered. “You can’t tell anyone anything in this family.”

They both looked up in shock as his grandmother entered the kitchen, shaking her head at James’s words. “Jamie! I don’t like to hear you say that, don’t you trust us?” She gestured him down and pulled him into a tight hug. Her hair, now gray with age, tickled his cheek.

“I trust you,” James said, voice muffled by her clothes. “I promise.”

“Good.” She released him with a pat on the cheek. “Albus, your boyfriend is here, wandering around looking lost; can you go help him?” As Al hurried out the door, she shook her head. “Poor boy. How long has he been part of this family and he still gets so overwhelmed at these parties.” She started to leave but turned back. “Oh! And Teddy and Dora are by the sprinkler, Jamie; Dora was saying she wanted to see you. Make sure you say happy birthday to your grandfather too, when you see him!”

Leaving the safety of the kitchen and making his way towards the back garden, where the children were running through the magicked water while parents looked on, went against everything James wanted to do. He’d much rather Apparate home and trade his grandmother’s cooking for a Sainsbury’s frozen pizza than risk a private conversation with Teddy at a family party. But he knew Molly would have told Dora and Teddy he was already there, and if he didn’t come to find them Dora was liable to wander the entire house dripping while she looked for him. Better all around if James went to them.

When he approached, Dora and Maddy were taking turns directing water at each other from the makeshift hose Arthur had constructed two summers ago. James watched unnoticed for a few turns until Dora caught sight of him and dropped the hose, bounding up to him and hugging his legs. He was glad he was wearing shorts, although they were still quickly soaked.

“Dora,” Teddy chastised. He’d been in conversation with Adrianna on the other side of the sprinkler. His face was painted with concern as he started to make his way over, but James shook his head.

“It’s fine,” he mouthed. It was true: drying his shorts would be the work of a simple spell, and though he knew Teddy wanted to teach Dora consideration, James couldn’t begrudge her four-year-old excitement. Teddy smiled and went back to his conversation as James got down on his knees, letting Dora wrap her arm around his neck while he steadied her with a hand on her back.

“How are you doing, Miss Dora?”

She giggled, shaking her head as water dripped from the tips of her hair. “Good.”

“Dora?” Maddy had grown bored of playing alone and came over to investigate. “Uncle James!” He held out his free arm for a hug and she leaned into him, thoroughly soaking his shirt now as well. “We were playing in the sprinkler.”

“I see that. Were you having fun?”

“Before Dora left.” Maddy pouted.

Dora’s bottom lip quivered. “I had to say hi to James!”

“He’s Uncle James,” Maddy corrected, in her superior seven-year-old way. “Not just _James._ ” Although the girls were friends, there were times when the age difference between them reared its head and resulted in tears: Dora crying because Maddy hurt her feelings, and Maddy crying because she didn’t understand what she’d done to get in trouble.

He could sense both Adrianna and Teddy watching them, ready to swoop in at any moment, and tried to sooth the situation. “You can call me James or Uncle James,” he said. “I don’t mind. It looked like you were playing a game in the sprinkler earlier, can you show me?”

“Spray tag!” Maddy said. She stepped back and grabbed James’s hand, tugging him to his feet. “I’ll show you.”

“We’ll show you!” Dora yelled, running along behind them as Maddy lead James into the sprinkler.

Standing in the bathroom later as he carefully dried his dripping clothes – significantly wetter than he’d expected them to get; he was wishing he’d remembered his swimsuit – James was startled by a knock on the doorframe. It was Teddy, smiling sheepishly and half-hiding outside the door as he watched James’s spellwork.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Teddy said, eyes on the puddle forming as James siphoned the water out of his shorts. “Distract them, I mean. We would have sorted it out if they’d had a row. But since you did...thank you.”

“Of course,” James said. “I really didn’t mind.”

Teddy looked pointedly at James’s dripping clothes.

“I didn’t,” he repeated. “They saved me from awkward small talk with Grandpa’s old Ministry coworkers. None of them understand why I got an advanced degree instead of a _good, reliable job at the em-oh-em!_ ”

The voice he did made Teddy laugh, and despite himself, James’s stomach fluttered with happiness.

Though the conversation had stopped, Teddy still hovered in the doorway, seemingly reluctant to leave. James twirled his wand between his fingers, feeling awkward, before Teddy finally spoke.

“So you never owled.”

James scratched at the back of his head. “Um, yeah. About that. I was thinking it might be better after all if we...talked? In person?” His heart was in his throat as he met Teddy’s eyes, today a summer-sky-blue that matched the color Dora’s had been earlier. “That’s not a question. It’s a statement. I want us to talk.”

“Okay,” Teddy whispered. “Um, when were you thinking we should talk?”

“When are you free?” James asked. “I mean, sorry, that’s stupid – I just mean I think it should be a time when we won’t be rushed–”

“Tonight,” Teddy interrupted. “I could come over to yours tonight, after I put Dora to sleep? She should be pretty worn out, so unless she wakes up or something…”

James swallowed. “That would work.” Lily would rag him about it, but she’d make herself scarce if he asked. He’d have to find her at the party after they finished talking; maybe she could hang out with Hugo or Albus tonight.

“So I’ll be over a little after eight?”

“Yeah.” James’s heart beat in his chest. “I’ll see you then.”

Teddy’s smile before he left was fleeting, but almost shy. “See you.”

***

Before Teddy arrived, James paced through his whole house twice. He took everything off the coffee table, wanting to tidy up, then decided it looked like he was trying too hard and put it all back. Lily Apparated in to grab a sweatshirt in the middle of him rearranging his notes into their previous messy pile and had a good laugh at his expense before telling him he was trying too hard.

“You seriously need to stop worrying,” she said, Summoning a granola bar from the kitchen and ripping it open. Crumbs rained down as she took a bite, and James twitched. Rolling her eyes, she Vanished them.

“Anyway, I’m going over to Rose’s,” she said. “Hugo’s got a new gluten free scone recipe he wants us to try. I’ll probably crash there tonight.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “So you and Teddy can have the place to yourselves.”

“Nothing’s going to happen _tonight,_ ” James said, his face heating. Even though Teddy seemed just as nervous as James felt, he was still half-expecting that Teddy only wanted them to hook up. James knew he wouldn’t be able to do that, if Teddy asked – he’d never been good at separating sex from feelings, and he wasn’t willing to jeopardise their friendship.

James had finally convinced himself to try and grade some assignments while he waited instead of standing in the middle of his sitting room like an idiot when there was a knock on his door. Heart in his throat, he stood and went to answer it. There was Teddy, wearing the same t-shirt and jeans he’d been in at the party and looking, in James’s biased opinion, kind of perfect.

“Hey there.”

“Hi.”

“Um, I guess– come in, obviously,” James said, stepping back.

“Sorry, I would have Floo’d, but I felt–”

“It’s fine,” James said. “Do you want to sit down?”

They’d been in this position before – seated on opposite ends of James’s dark blue sofa, half-turned to face each other. It was a place they’d come to often, late nights when Teddy still lived here, watching telly or more likely just chatting while Dora snored through the monitor charm. Even since Teddy has moved in with Andromeda, it was still common enough to find them here, sometimes with Dora between them, sometimes not.

Teddy pulled one leg up onto the couch. His jeans were frayed at the bottom, revealing bony ankle and the beginning of a shin. He wrapped one hand around his ankle, tapping his fingers, and James had the insane desire to push Teddy’s hand away and hold Teddy’s ankle himself instead.

“I’m sorry I didn’t owl,” James said again. “I was just trying to figure some things out.”

“It’s alright.”

“If you’ve been feeling as on edge as I have, I really don’t think it is,” James said.

Teddy shook his head. “No, it is. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that, without asking. I crossed a line.”

“It’s not that,” James assured him. “You weren’t crossing a line. I just didn’t know what you meant by it.”

“What I meant by it?”

“You know.” James was sure his face resembled a tomato. His words came out in a rush. “If it meant that you like me.”

He was gratified, at least, that Teddy was soon sporting a matching blush. “I kind of thought that was obvious,” he mumbled.

“I mean, yes,” James blundered on. “Obviously. But, you know…” Teddy looked at him blankly, and James shook his head, deciding to take a different direction. “I’d want to date you,” he said. “I want us to date. I’m not looking for something casual, or solely physical – I’m not good at things like that. And I didn’t know if that was something you wanted to.”

“Yes.” Teddy nodded. “I’m not, I mean, I know that my relationship history is a little, um, checkered, but I don’t want something just physical with you.”

A little bit of tension drained out of James’s shoulders. “Oh. That’s good, then.”

Teddy grinned, his face bright and open. He rested one arm on the back of the sofa. “So it sounds like now we’re on the same page.” He brushed the tips of his fingers along James’s shoulder. James wanted to grab his hand and twine their fingers together, pull Teddy in until they were curled up, but something stopped him.

“I guess we are.”

Teddy’s eyebrows quirked. “The same page being that we want to try dating. Right?”

“I guess.”

The dip between Teddy’s eyebrows deepened. “You _guess_?”

“I mean.” James sighed, shifting a little back in his seat. Teddy dropped his hand into his lap, looking more uncomfortable by the second. “Are you sure you want that?”

“Didn’t I just say that I do?”

“Well, yes, but – are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be ready?” Teddy asked. He crossed his arms over his chest. “What are you trying to say, James?”

“I’m not sure…”

“You’re not sure what you’re trying to say, or you’re not sure if I’m ready to date you?” Teddy stood, his mouth curled into a frown. “Is it really up to you to decide what I’m ready for?”

“No, but as the second person in this scenario, I’d like to know what to expect.”

“What to expect? Is there some kind of set relationship timeline I’ve never heard about?” The words were joking, but Teddy’s tone was sharp.

“ _No_ ,” James said. “It’s just–” He huffed out a breath, pushing his hair back off his forehead. “How am I supposed to know you aren’t going to run away again?”

Teddy stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“You left England because you didn’t like Auror training and you felt like there was too much pressure being part of the family; you left New York and took Dora away from her other father because ‘things weren’t going well’ – what if things don’t go well with us? Are you going to leave again?” James squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath. “If there’s a possibility that’s going to happen, then I’d rather not risk it by dating you at all. I don’t know what I’d do without you and Dora in my life.”

Teddy had sat back down halfway through James’s speech. He had one hand covering his face, and what James could see of his expression was a strange mixture of anger and annoyance.

“I didn’t leave Michael because _things weren’t going well,_ ” Teddy gritted out, voice dripping with disdain. “I left him because the thought of Dora growing up there – of spending another _second_ in that place – made me want to vomit.”

James was taken aback. He waited for Teddy to say something else, but he didn’t, so finally James spoke. “What are you talking about?”

Teddy looked up at James, resignation on his face. “I guess you need to know this if we’re going to be...anything,” he said, and sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

Teddy couldn’t look at him. “It’s not...things weren’t just _not going well_ with Michael. They were terrible. He is– a horrible man, and I hope Dora never meets him.”

The venom in his voice was surprising. “Teddy–”

“Don’t.” Teddy held up a hand. “Please, just let me get this out.”

His skin felt itchy. James wanted to stand, to fight, to defend, but the look in Teddy’s eyes as they briefly met his kept him pinned to his seat. He nodded, and let Teddy continue.

“You have to understand, James.” Teddy’s eyes were wide with something like fear, but he wouldn’t meet James’s gaze. “Even after I’d left England, gotten away from the pressures of my job and my family, I don’t know that I was really happy. I buried it a lot, the first few years. I was trying to live, do everything I couldn’t do here – going out and getting drunk, mostly. My friends said I’d try anything twice.” He laughed, dry and unamused. “But that meant that I didn’t have much to offer in terms of a relationship. I didn’t have a steady job. My flat was crap and my roommates were arseholes.

“None of that bothered me until I started dating Evan. I really loved him, and I wanted to be what he wanted. It felt like I was on the right path too, like I was finally heading somewhere, but in the end I wasn’t _mature_ enough for him. When he dumped me...it really hurt. More than any other break-up had. I went right back to all my old patterns, worse than before, and that was when I met Michael.

“Everything was perfect at first. After Evan, I wanted someone who wouldn’t try to change me, who would love me for me, and Michael...it seemed like he did. We went to clubs, to parties, did all the things that Evan had given me a hard time about, but Michael was always proud to show me off. To call me his.” Teddy’s face was twisted like he’d tasted something rancid. James wanted to reach out and take his hand, but he resisted.

“After a few months of dating, my lease was up, and Michael asked me to move in with him instead of renewing it. I knew it was moving fast, but I thought I loved him. I thought, ‘I’m almost thirty, it’s about time to settle down.’” He shook his head. “That was when things started going downhill. He got jealous if I went anywhere without him. At first that was fine – we went out together instead. But then he didn’t want me to see my friends. He said I couldn’t go to the grocery store near our apartment because he’d seen one of the cashiers checking me out. It was alright for him to go places without me – he’d stay out all night and leave me waiting at home, wondering where he’d gone, if he had to stay late at work or if he was fucking someone else.” He shuddered a bit. “He worked for the DMLE, you know.”

James felt sick. He imagined where this was going, and he didn’t want to hear it. He was so ashamed he’d implied Teddy had been in the wrong to leave this man. “Teddy–”

“ _Stop,_ ” Teddy said sharply. “I’m only going to say this once, James, and you need to hear it.”

James pressed his lips together, feeling nauseous.

“I got pregnant when we were on holiday in Florida,” Teddy continued. “The trip was an apology for leaving me locked in the loo of our flat for an entire Saturday.”

James clenched his hands into fists, digging his nails into the sensitive skin of his palms. It hurt. He hurt, he wanted _to_ hurt–

“He’d often do things like that,” Teddy said, voice hollow. “Make it up to me after he did something awful. Bring me chocolates because he screamed in my face. Take me out to dinner after he partied all night while I was stuck at home. My therapist said that’s a common pattern, for abusers, to make you doubt the validity of what you’re feeling.” He exhaled, shaky. “I thought that when he found out I was pregnant – I thought he’d be furious. I thought he might even kick me out, that I’d finally be free of him.”

“But he was so happy. And he wanted me to be happy, and the baby to be happy. Everything was so nice for a little while.” Teddy squeezed his eyes shut, and James wanted to wrap Teddy up in his arms, stop his mouth from saying any more horrible things. But Teddy not saying them wouldn’t undo the fact that they’d happened. And the least James could do was listen, after all that Teddy had lived through.

“Things didn’t stay nice, of course. By the time I was four months pregnant, I was too big to go outside. It would have been obvious I was pregnant, and New York doesn’t have any wizarding only areas like Diagon Alley; I would have stuck out too much to the Muggles, and Michael didn’t think it was safe for me to use a Disillusionment charm. It was so hot, and I was stuck inside all day…”

Teddy shook his head, scrubbing at his eyes. James couldn’t tell if he was crying or not.

“It got even worse after Dora was born. That lit a fire in me – I wanted to get away from him, and I think he knew. Whenever he left the apartment he’d take my wand and lock us inside. Every goddamn day. On weekends we’d go shopping, and he’d buy presents for me, for Dora. I’d think, maybe this week will be different. But it never was. Until one day he forgot to take my wand with him when he left.”

Teddy’s voice was quiet now, the only sound in the room. James realized he was leaning in to listen.

“I’ve never moved so fast in my life. I had no idea if he’d realize what he’d done, or how long it would be til he’d be home – sometimes he’d come back to check on us in the middle of the day. I packed as much as I could carry and went straight to the British Wizarding Consulate for a Portkey.” Teddy nodded to James’s front door. “And then I came here.”

The words hung in the air. James thought back to that night. If he could separate his memory from the way he’d been feeling, the shock that had turned to frustration and long-buried anger, he remembered how oddly Teddy had acted. The way he had hunched, curled protectively around Dora. The furtive glances over his shoulder as he stood outside, as though worried someone was following him.

James exhaled on a rush. “Teddy, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

Teddy shrugged. “It’s alright. No one does, really.”

The thought of Teddy carrying all of this alone was a heavy weight in James’s chest. “No one?”

“Well, I’ve talked to my therapist about it. Unpacking it, and all that. But it’s not like I’ve been going around chatting it up at Sunday dinners and you hadn’t heard it yet. I didn’t want anyone to know – they think poorly enough of me as it is.”

James frowned. “No one thinks poorly of you, Teddy.”

“Yes, they do,” Teddy laughed. “Everyone’s nice about it because they like me, but no one understands why I left England, or why I came back. When people find out that I carried Dora, they think I’m less of a man. I’ve got no skills or training besides Hogwarts, I’ve never held a job for longer than a year, I’m thirty-four and I live with my _grandmother._ If people found out, on top of all that, that I was– that I let myself be–”

“It’s not your fault!”

“I _know_ that,” Teddy snapped. “I’ve been through enough therapy to know that, part of me even knew while it was happening, but that doesn’t make– that doesn’t mean– I’m just saying what _other_ people would say, if they knew. I don’t have a lot going for me.”

James leaned in, finally reaching out to grab Teddy’s hand. “I think you have a lot going for you,” he whispered.

Teddy blushed, and it filled James’s body with a sympathetic heat. He wanted to lean in, to hug and hold; to prove to Teddy that he was worthy of the immense risk Teddy was taking by being honest.

Although there was something else he needed to do first.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made assumptions like that. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about that, but I wish I hadn’t said something so insensitive that made you feel forced into it.”

Teddy shook his head. “James, I accept your apology. You couldn’t have known and you didn’t force me into telling you; I knew I’d have to, soon, if we’re going to date, or whatever. I know that in the past I haven’t dealt with my problems very well...Running away like that, instead of telling the people around me how I felt. I promise, even if things ended between us, I wouldn’t cut off contact or take Dora out of your life.” He looked down at his hands on his knees. “That is, assuming you still want something to happen between us.”

James reached out, placing his hand over Teddy’s. “We already established that I do want that. I was just worried you were going to get freaked out and leave, or something.”

Teddy smiled, turning his hand palm-up and curling their fingers together. “Not planning on freaking out and leaving. Very much want to date you.”

James returned the smile. “Okay,” he breathed.

“And right now,” Teddy whispered. “I really want to kiss you again.”

“You should definitely do that. Please.”

Teddy was laughing when their lips met, but not for long as James reached up to cup the back of his head. Teddy’s hair was so soft between his fingers. James moaned, and Teddy’s hands were on his waist, the weight of their bodies pressing together as they both leaned into the kiss. James pushed himself up onto his knees as Teddy licked at the seam of his lips, relishing the feeling of wanting and being wanted, of being allowed to touch after so many months of watching from afar.

“Teddy,” he whispered, and smiled when Teddy said James’s name back, the soft brush of their lips a conversation unto itself. Perfect.


	10. Chapter Ten & Epilogue

** Chapter Ten **

Teddy was unnecessarily nervous about their afternoon plans. It was nothing they hadn’t done before – taking Dora to a puppet show in the park, and then out for lunch – but it was the first time he’d be seeing James since their talk after Arthur’s birthday party. Since Teddy’d told him the full truth. Since they’d decided to date.

It was ironic that this was the longest stretch of time Teddy’d gone without seeing James in months, even though their relationship was finally official. But classes would be starting soon at James’s uni and he had lots of preparation meetings to attend. Teddy was anxious about seeing him again – what if they acted weird? What if James had changed his mind? – and Dora was picking up on his feelings. She’d cried while getting dressed because her favorite dress – the one she’d worn yesterday – was dirty and too stained for a simple _Scourgify._ Teddy had to explain twice why she couldn’t wear it, and she was still sniffling when she came down for breakfast, even though Teddy had spelled another dress a different color to convince her to put it on. At breakfast there was a near-meltdown because they were out of strawberry jam, but luckily Kingsley located another jar at the back of the cabinet.

Teddy could tell it would be one of those days, and he was tempted to cancel their plans preemptively – tell James not to come over and tell Dora they weren’t going to the puppet show after all. He knew that would cause a temper tantrum for sure, but at least it would be in the privacy of the house, not out in public and in front of James. But even though her emotions were all over the place, Dora hadn’t actually done anything wrong, and Teddy was unwilling to take away something she’d been looking forward to when she would think of it as an unearned punishment.

The day had gone surprisingly smoothly after James arrived – Dora was excited to see him as always, and was happy to put her shoes on at James’s request instead of Teddy’s, at which Teddy had to roll his eyes. Teddy and James even managed a quick kiss in the hallway, which had Teddy’s heart thudding in his chest as they left for the park. Dora was enchanted by the play, chatting to James about her favorite parts as he held her hand and nodded in agreement. Teddy grinned as he lead them towards Dora’s favorite restaurant. This would be a great way to end their outing, and maybe Dora could be convinced to take a nap when they got home. Or at least to sit down and watch something on the telly, which would hopefully leave her rested enough to make it through dinner without another breakdown.

He congratulated himself on his planning as they came to a stop in front of the restaurant. Dora loved their mac and cheese. This was a good idea. “Are you ready for lunch?”

Dora looked up at the sign. Her lower lip jutted out and began to quiver. “You didn’t ask me where I wanted to eat,” she said.

Teddy’s heart sank. “But you like this restaurant.”

The trembling increased. “But you didn’t ask!”

Teddy went down to his knees, trying to meet his daughter’s eyes. She’d let go of James’s hand to cross her arms, a picture of miniature indignation. James hovered, looking concerned, and Teddy did _not_ want him to see this, but he couldn’t worry about that right now.

“I’m sorry,” he said to Dora. “Do you want to eat somewhere else instead? We can go to another place, or we could go home and–”

“I don’t want to go home!” She screamed.

“We don’t have to go home,” Teddy said. “We can stay here and eat–”

“You didn’t ask me!” Dora yelled. “I wanted to pick, I–” She hiccuped as she began to cry more. “I wanted to!”

Passersby on the footpath were beginning to stare at them. Teddy was used to the disapproving frowns – he go them often enough, especially from Muggles, who saw Dora’s colorful hair and assumed he’d let her dye it, and from kindly older ladies on the street, who asked where Dora’s mother was and didn’t bother to hide their disapproval when Teddy said he was a single parent.

Teddy could tell she was gearing up for a big cry. The roots of her hair, which she had changed to brown that morning, were beginning to tinge red and green. He knew she wouldn’t listen, but he made one last attempt.

“Dora,” he said under his breath. “We’re in a Muggle area, and I can see your hair is changing color. Can you get it under control so we can stay here and eat, or do we need to go home?”

At the suggestion of leaving, Dora screwed up her face and began to scream. Teddy knew from experience that a kaleidoscope of hair color was only seconds away.

“I guess we’re going home then,” he said, scooping her up in his arms and making his way up the street. She was wailing and wriggling, but he kept a solid hold on her, his only thought finding somewhere he could Apparate from before she started morphing. He was barely aware of the sound of James’s footsteps behind him, and spared a moment to feel guilty that he’d ruined their afternoon before his thoughts were pulled back to the people glaring at him as he hurried past with a screaming child in his arms.

He spotted a side street that seemed to be empty and without a second glance he entered and Apparated, landing in Dora’s bedroom. This time when she squirmed in his arms, he let her jump down. She ran towards the bed and threw herself onto it, kicking her feet as the screams subsided into sobs. Teddy went to her and gently rested a hand on her back.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No!”

“Do you want me to stay in here with you?”

“NO!”

Teddy sighed. “Alright. I’m going to leave you alone for now. I’ll come check on you in a little bit but if you need me I’ll be right downstairs, okay?”

It felt incongruous to leave his crying child alone in her room, but Teddy knew from experience that if he stayed and tried to comfort her, it would only lead from sobs back to screams as she inevitably got angry at him. In ten or fifteen minutes, she would have calmed down enough to at least want his company.

He stopped short in the middle of the staircase when he caught sight of James, standing by the fireplace with his hands in his pockets. He turned when he heard Teddy’s footsteps and smiled sheepishly.

“I was wondering if you’d taken her someplace else entirely,” James said. “But then I heard the screaming.”

Teddy smiled, the expression feeling tight on his face. “There’s always more screaming,” he said. He continued down a few more steps. “I left her up there to cry herself out. I’m going back to check on her in a few minutes.” At the bottom of the staircase he stopped, sighing. “I’m sorry.”

James quirked his eyebrows. “Why are you apologizing?”

“We were having a nice afternoon…”

“We did have a nice afternoon.”

Teddy huffed. “I didn’t want it to end like this.”

“As far as I can see you didn’t have much control over that,” James said, walking closer. “Sometimes four-year-olds have tantrums. Everyone knows that.”

“Really? Because every time it happens, I get the impression that everyone around me has forgotten that.”

James laughed. “Well, then fuck them.”

At that, Teddy had to smile too, although it didn’t last long. “Are you sure you want to sign up for this?”

James’s expression said that he didn’t agree with what Teddy was saying, but he played along anyway. “Sign up for what?”

Teddy gestured at himself. “Shitty father who can’t stop his kid from throwing a tantrum over lunch choices?”

“Teddy.” James grabbed his hands. “You’re a great dad. And I’m not going to turn around and leave because Dora had a meltdown. I’ve seen it before, and I’m sure I’ll see it again.” He grinned. “It doesn’t scare me.”

“Really? Then would you like to trade? You go upstairs and check on Dora, and I’ll make us some sandwiches?”

James laughed. “Mmm, no, I don’t think that would be a very good idea.” He leaned in to kiss Teddy’s cheek, and the way his stomach fluttered at the touch was embarrassing. Thank Merlin no one but Teddy would ever know about it. “I can go ahead and start making us some lunch if you’d like, though.”

“Please.” Teddy squeezed James’s hands.

Thirty minutes later found them all seated at the kitchen table, Dora still a little teary but no worse for the wear. James had made turkey and cheese for himself and Teddy, and for Dora, strawberry jam with the crusts cut off. It was her favorite sandwich, and Teddy’s heart gave a pitiful flip in his chest at the fact that James had remembered. It did it again when James caught his eye across the table, smiling softly as he chewed.

Teddy looked down to his plate, his face hot. Maybe he didn’t need to worry so much after all.

***

“Do you want something to drink? I have beer, and white wine I think. There’s some gin in the freezer if you want a cocktail.”

“Do you have anything nonalcoholic?” Teddy asked. He’d had a glass of wine with dinner, and he knew if he had another it would make his head too fuzzy.

James opened the fridge and looked inside. “Lemonade?”

“Perfect.”

“I’ll grab glasses if you want to sit down,” James said, nodding towards the sofa.

Teddy didn’t think it was possible for him to be more nervous than he’d been last week, sitting in the same spot, not knowing if James was going to say he liked Teddy too or tell him he never wanted to see him again. They’d just had their first proper date – to a fancy, date-ish restaurant that Teddy had never been to before, with candles on the table and lots of French words on the menu. James had pressed their ankles together under the table and paid for Teddy’s meal, while Teddy’s heart thrummed with nervousness and want. He _wanted,_ the same way he’d wanted last week when they’d snogged on this same sofa, or a few days ago, when he’d stopped by James’s office to pick up something Dora’d left at his house, and James had closed the door behind him so they could kiss for a few stolen minutes.

The difference was those times, the want had been tempered by reality. Teddy had wanted James last week on this sofa, but they’d just had a serious conversation and Teddy needed to get home to Dora. He’d wanted James in James’s office, but they’d only had a few minutes before James’s next class. But tonight, no one was expecting Teddy home before morning – he’d blundered through an awkward conversation with Andromeda that ended with her laughing and saying of course she and Kingsley would watch Dora – and he and James had had a little time to settle into their new relationship. Lily was visiting friends for the weekend, and they had the whole house to themselves, no chance of being interrupted. So why was Teddy’s stomach so fluttery?

He felt better as soon as James came back into the living room holding two glasses of lemonade. Teddy took his gratefully, taking a sip as James settled next to him, their knees almost touching.

“I had a really nice time tonight,” James said.

“Me too. I’m glad you suggested that restaurant – it was really good.”

“It is. Draco’s the one who introduced me to it, actually.”

Teddy laughed. “That makes sense.” He took another sip of his lemonade and then set his glass on the coffee table.

James relaxed a little further back into the sofa. “Did you want to watch something? We still haven’t watched the last few episodes of Bake-Off.”

Teddy did want to see those, but he didn’t think he’d be able to focus right now. “Not really,” he said honestly. “I kind of just want to kiss you.”

James’s eyes darkened. “Okay.”

He set his own glass down and reached for Teddy. They were magnets drawn together, the lunar force pulling sea onto shore – James holding Teddy’s face like he was special, precious. Teddy clung to his waist, enjoying the way his body moved beneath the fabric of his shirt as they pressed together. There was a push and pull as they kissed, lips and lips and lips exploring. James’s hands were at Teddy’s neck, in Teddy’s hair. He pushed it back so he could kiss Teddy’s ear and Teddy shuddered.

His fingers curled into fists automatically, pulling at James’s shirt. “Go ahead,” James whispered, and Teddy realized James thought he was trying to pull his shirt out of his trousers. So he did: yanking at the fabric and sneaking his fingers underneath the hem, finding soft warm skin that made him dizzy. Or that may have been caused by James, almost in Teddy’s lap and kissing down to his neck, paying it more attention than anyone had in years.

Teddy was no stranger to snogging and sex, but most of his encounters had been more perfunctory – a brief spot of kissing, maybe, but men tended to be more interested in using his mouth for something else, or they went straight for dick and arse. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so turned on from barely touching, or the last person who’d scratched at the back of his neck like James was doing now, grinning at how it made Teddy shiver.

“You like that?” James asked, their noses brushing. His lips were kiss-red, his face flushed, and it traveled through Teddy’s chest to curl in his belly: he’d done that.

“Yeah,” he breathed. He tilted his head up to capture James’s lips with his own, sliding the tips of his fingers below the waistband of James’s trousers as he did.

James moaned and melted against him, squeezing Teddy’s shoulders. “Bedroom?”

“Yes.”

James wasted no time in pulling Teddy up the stairs and into his room. Teddy’d been in there before, but this was the first time he was pushed towards the bed. He sat and kicked his shoes off as James crawled up beside him, pulling him down to lie on their sides. He kissed Teddy and then giggled, the sound incongruous.

“I can’t believe I have Teddy Lupin in my bed,” he said. “All of my friends from Hogwarts would be so jealous.”

Teddy raised his eyebrows. “Is there something I should know?”

James laughed. “They all used to go on about how fit you were,” he explained, pulling Teddy in for another kiss. He ran a hand down Teddy’s chest, coming to a stop over his stomach. “I didn’t see what they were talking about then, but now…”

“I looked better back then,” Teddy said matter of factly.

James frowned, pushing Teddy onto his back and straddling his hips. “Wrong.” He leaned down to kiss Teddy again.

Now that they were in bed, things moved faster. James’s fingers were scrabbling at Teddy’s buttons so Teddy returned the favor, working James’s shirt open as they kissed. When their shirts had been discarded James dropped his weight onto Teddy, pressing their bare chests together, and they both groaned. James’s skin was summer-hot under Teddy’s fingers as he arched up, letting James grind their cocks together.

“Merlin, _Teddy,_ ” James moaned, his body curved above Teddy’s as he rocked his hips. “Teddy, you feel–” He gasped. “Can I take your trousers off? Want you naked.”

“Yes,” Teddy said, “you too, you too–”

James nodded, rolling off Teddy to shimmy out of his trousers while Teddy did the same. Teddy heard James groan and glanced over to see him palming himself through his pants, head tilted back in bliss. He looked over at Teddy and smiled, fingering the waistband of his pants. “These too?”

Teddy nodded, mouth dry.

James stood to take them off, taking a few steps towards his chest of drawers to rummage through the top drawer, as Teddy slid his pants off and dropped them on the floor. When he turned back around, Teddy saw James holding a bottle of lube. He dropped it by the pillows as he came back to the bed. Teddy leaned back, biting his lip as James settled half-above him. His heart was thumping in his chest.

James glanced up at the lube, then back to Teddy. “I just thought it would be good to have it,” he said. “I’m not expecting anything, I mean, I don’t know – what are you comfortable with?”

“We can do it all if you want,” Teddy said, his voice falling into a familiar low drawl.

James’s cheeks darkened. “Are you sure? I know not everyone–”

“I’m sure,” Teddy said. He wriggled out from under James and rolled onto his stomach. He could feel James’s eyes on him as he pulled himself up to his knees. He knew the picture he made like this – forearms on the bed and arse in the air, his back a perfect curve, an image of seduction. He knew the picture he made, and it was a good one, even if it had been better when he was younger, but suddenly he didn’t want to see James looking at him like this. He squeezed his eyes shut, expecting to feel James’s fingers at his arsehole any minute now, any minute–

He startled when he felt them on his shoulder instead.

“Hey.” James stretched out beside him on his side, and he tugged gently at Teddy’s arm, encouraging Teddy to mirror his position. His muscles protested, but he did, a little confused. Had James changed his mind?

James twined their fingers together, holding Teddy’s hand against his chest. “I was actually going to ask if you would top,” he said.

Teddy swallowed. “You want me to fuck you?”

“Only if you want to.” James rubbed his thumb along the back of Teddy’s knuckles. “Or we can do something else, like I said. I’m not picky, I just want to be with you.”

Teddy was distracted as James pulled him in for a kiss, but after a moment the soft rhythm of their lips together soothed his mind. He could fuck James, if that was what James wanted. It might even be what Teddy wanted, too.

“Teddy?” James’s voice was low as he broke the kiss. “Is that okay?”

“I’ve never done that before,” Teddy confessed.

“I don’t care about that.”

“Then okay.”

James stretched an arm above his head to reach for the lube and a pillow. He handed the lube to Teddy, positioned the pillow under his own arse. “Get me ready?”

This part Teddy knew. James buried his fingers in Teddy’s hair as Teddy began to play with his arse, spreading lube around and teasing him with gentle touches. He reacted beautifully, and Teddy soon found he couldn’t look away from James’s face – the way his bit his lip as he waited for Teddy to touch him, the way he gasped when Teddy worked one finger inside and began to thrust. The expression of ecstasy that overtook him, eyes rolling back, when Teddy brushed against his prostate.

“I’m ready, I’m ready,” he panted, as Teddy curled another finger in.

“Are you sure?”

“I want you,” James said. “Just go slow.”

Teddy took his time withdrawing his fingers and getting more lube for his cock. He grabbed his wand with his clean hand and used it to cast a _Scourgify_ and a protection charm. James was watching him, legs splayed open, one hand curled casually around his cock. He looked surprised when Teddy lay down beside him.

“Could we start with you riding me?”

James smiled softly. “Alright.” He positioned himself above Teddy and leaned down to kiss him. Teddy was so caught up in the movement of their lips – kissing was so underrated, and he’d forgotten how much he enjoyed it being combined with the rest of sex – that the heat of James’s body caught him off guard.

Teddy broke the kiss, moaning as James slid down. The tight, warm press of James’s body and the expression of bliss on his face were too much – Teddy could have let go in that moment but he breathed through it as James stilled, fully seated on him.

“Holy shit,” Teddy said, and James laughed. “You feel incredible.”

“So do you,” James told him. He smiled as he began to move, mouth falling open as he dropped down onto Teddy’s cock. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

“Fuck,” Teddy groaned, his brain finally kicking in to remind him that he shouldn’t let James do all the work. He planted his feet and rocked up into James, reaching up at the same time to thumb his nipple. James let out an interesting shivery moan that Teddy wanted to cause again.

“Teddy.” James bent down to press their foreheads together, and it changed the angle, making them both groan. “Teddy, Teddy–”

“ _James._ ” Teddy kissed him. He was getting the rhythm of it now; he wanted to be closer, closer, _closer,_ so he rolled James onto his back. He slipped out in the process, but James was quick to guide him back inside, wrapping his legs around Teddy’s hips and his arms around Teddy’s neck.

“Yes, Teddy,” James murmured. “Fuck me, please.”

And Teddy did. He fucked James and swallowed the pleased noises James made as he did so, lips pressed together in a messy, never-ending kiss. James’s skin was sweat-tacky under his hands, and Teddy kept risking his balance because he wanted to touch him all over. The mattress was squeaking, the bed frame protesting, and James was moaning almost continuously. Teddy was the one inside and above, but he felt surrounded, safe in James’s embrace. Every part of his body was singing with desire and need, on a steady course towards that precipice, yet he felt like he could stay here forever. Sex had never felt like this before. _Teddy_ had never felt like this before.

He became aware that James had snuck a hand between them to stroke his cock seconds before he came, crying out James’s name and thrusting helplessly into his body. He didn’t have the presence of mind to do anything else before James followed, arching into his fist as he spilled on his stomach.

For a long moment there was only the sound of their heavy breathing in the room. Teddy pulled out, feeling a flash of guilt when James winced. He reached for his wand and quickly Vanished their come, knowing from experience how uncomfortable it could be to feel it inside afterwards. He was putting his wand back, at a loss for what to do, when James curled a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” He asked with a smile.

“Not anywhere approaching bad,” Teddy said. “Pretty fucking fantastic, actually.”

“For me as well,” James said, pulling Teddy down to lie beside him.

“We should probably clean up more before we fall asleep,” Teddy said.

James sighed happily. “In a minute.”

***

Teddy woke in the morning to James’s warmth at his back and the weight of his arm across Teddy’s waist. He rolled onto his back and found James lying on his side, smiling at him.

“Good morning.”

“Were you watching me sleep?”

“Only for a few minutes,” James said. He brushed his thumb along Teddy’s side, making him shiver. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Teddy said, confused when James looked relieved. He frowned. “Were you worried I was going to act weird after we fucked?”

Guilt flashed across James’s fast. “Maybe,” he said. “Just – after what you told me, and clearly you haven’t– um…”

Teddy was briefly embarrassed as he remembered the night before, the way he’d presented his arse to James and told him everything he needed to know about Teddy’s sexual history.

“Sex in the past has not always been great for me,” Teddy surmised. “But last night was good. Really good. I promise.”

“You would tell me if it wasn’t?”

“Yes,” Teddy said, rolling his eyes. “James, I’m not made of glass.”

“I know that,” James said. “I’m still getting used to all this – what happened to you, and the fact that we’re dating now. But I know you aren’t breakable.”

“Good.” Teddy pressed his face into James’s neck, leaving a kiss on his collarbone. He pulled back and smiled at James. “Who’d have thought we’d end up here?”

“I hate to break it to you, Teddy, but I’m pretty sure everyone who knows us saw this coming.”

Teddy laughed. “I didn’t mean recently. I mean – you know, before.”

James bit his lip. “You were always my best friend. But I don’t know if we would have gone from that to this, otherwise.”

“You mean you weren't carrying a torch for me as a teenager? I’m hurt, James.” James pushed at Teddy’s shoulder, laughing. “Remember that time I was babysitting and Albus picked that horrible apocalypse movie for us to watch?”

“The one where he left halfway through?”

“Yes, and Lily was already asleep anyway, and I only kept watching it because you were enjoying it?

James shook his head. “You thought I was _enjoying_ it? The premise was horrific!”

Teddy gaped. “I thought you liked it! That was the only reason I didn’t turn it off!”

“I thought we were both being stubborn!”

Teddy laughed. “At least we’ve gotten better at communicating?” James mock-glared. “Sorry. Anyway. My point was, at the end of the movie, you asked me who I would pick to go to the desert island with me if I knew the world was ending.”

“I remember.” James flushed. “You said you’d pick me.”

“Right. I said I’d pick you. My one person for the end of the world.” Teddy scooted in to rest his head on James’s chest. “I don’t know if we would have ended up here, if everything that happened hadn’t happened. But you’ve always been that person for me, Jamie.”

James’s fingers brushed through his hair, and Teddy could tell he was smiling when he spoke. “And you’ve always been mine.”

***

“If everyone’s done, we made brownies for dessert,” Harry said, preparing to push his chair back from the table.

James cleared his throat. “If you don’t mind, actually, before we have dessert Teddy and I have an announcement to make.”

All eyes at the table swiveled towards James. He was seated across from Teddy at Harry and Draco’s dining room table, and shot Teddy a small smile as Draco drawled, “Do you.”

Beside Teddy, Dora squirmed in her chair.

“Yes. We wanted to tell you all that we’re dating.”

“That means they love each other!” Dora yelled. Teddy couldn’t help but laugh, even as his face flooded with heat – he and James hadn’t said the actual words to each other yet, but it had been the easiest way to explain the change to their relationship in terms a four-year-old would understand. Honestly, they were lucky that hadn’t been the first thing Dora said when they opened the door – secrets were not a strong suit of hers yet.

“Wow!” Lily said, looking between them with a shit-eating grin. “I’m shocked. _Shocked._ I can’t believe this news!”

“Neither can I!” Albus said, heavily sarcastic, and then “ _Ow!_ Scorpius!”

Scorpius shrugged in response to his boyfriend’s glare. “You could pretend to be happy for your brother!”

“I _am_ happy, but if they’d waited another week to tell us, we wouldn’t owe Lily– _owwww,_ ” Al moaned, “Why’d you kick me too, Lily, what the fu–”

“Congratulations!” Draco interrupted. “We’re so happy for you both. This is an important development in both of your lives.” He fixed a stern stare on Lily, Scorpius, and Albus. “It’s unfortunate that some people felt the need to cheapen it with an exchange of money.”

Harry snorted. “You’re just bitter because you lost _our_ bet.”

Draco’s mouth dropped open. “I– I am not!”

James reached across the table and took Teddy’s hand.

“They love each other!” Dora supplied again, clapping her hands.

“Were you all betting on when we were going to tell you we were dating?” Teddy asked.

“Yes,” Scorpius admitted, at the same time as Albus and Lily said “No.”

“We didn’t know that Dad and Draco also had a bet going,” Al explained.

Draco elbowed Harry. “We could have doubled our odds!”

Harry frowned. “That’s not how betting works–”

“Who cares? I won,” Lily crowed.

“We’re really happy, guys, thanks for asking,” James said, frowning at his siblings. Teddy could tell he was a little annoyed, but knew that under the annoyance would be relief that everyone was taking the news so well. James had been more worried about that than Teddy – then again, James hadn’t had to deal with nerves about coming home after a decade-long absence, so Teddy was automatically better prepared.

“I’m sorry, James, Teddy,” Harry said, looking apologetic. “This _is_ big news, really, and we’re happy for you. I’m sorry we let ourselves get distracted with petty betting.”

Lily, sitting next to James, slung an arm over his shoulder. “I told you he liked you,” she said, waggling her eyebrows.

James shrugged her off. “Yeah, you did.”

“I’m always right.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Albus muttered.

“This is exciting news, isn’t it, Dora?” Draco said, bending down to meet her eyes.

“I already knew,” she told him.

He suppressed a smile. “I know. But were you excited when you found out?”

“Yes,” Dora said, squeezing Teddy’s arm in a strange side-hug.

James watched them with an expression so fond that Teddy might have been embarrassed, but he couldn’t summon up any negative emotions when surrounded by so many people who loved him. He freed his arm from Dora’s hold and wrapped it around her shoulders instead, and she slumped into his side, humming happily.

“Well, now that that’s done with,” James said, turning back to face his father, “you said something about dessert?”

***

“I hate barbecue crisps,” Dora told James, looking with distrust at the bowl in his lap.

“Really? I think they’re yummy.”

Dora shook her head. “They’re not.”

“You don’t like them,” Teddy said. “That doesn’t mean other people don’t. I don’t like jam sandwiches very much, but I don’t say they’re gross when you like to eat them.”

“Right.” Dora looked up at James. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” James smiled down at her as he bit into a large crisp. “Mmm, delicious.”

Dora wrinkled her nose but said nothing, instead grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl she and Teddy were sharing.

James caught Teddy’s eye over Dora’s head as he crunched down on another crisp.

“Stop menacing my daughter,” Teddy whispered.

“Come to the dark side,” James whispered back.

“Shh!” Dora interrupted. “It’s starting!”

Andromeda stuck her head out from the kitchen. “Pause it, please! We’re almost ready!”

Teddy grabbed the remote and did so, freezing the screen on the castle logo. A minute later Andromeda came in and sat down next to Kingsley on the other couch, holding another bowl of popcorn.

“Okay, we’ve got our popcorn, we’re ready!”

“Popcorn is a good movie snack, Grandma Andy,” Dora told her.

“I agree, Dora.”

James snorted.

“Are we all ready, then?” Teddy asked.

“Ready!” Dora called out.

“You know, I’ve never seen this before,” Kingsley said as Teddy hit play.

“I hadn’t either,” James told Kingsley.

“I’m going to sit with Grandpa Kingsley,” Dora told Teddy. “Since he hasn’t seen it yet.”

“That’s fine,” Teddy said, as Dora slid off her seat and padded over to the other sofa. Kingsley happily lifted her into his lap, where she immediately helped herself to a handful of popcorn.

James slid over, inserting himself under Teddy’s arm and resting his feet on the coffee table. With the bowl of crisps resting in his lap and his shoulders slumped, his posture looked more like that of someone who was eighteen, not twenty-eight. Teddy felt a pang of regret that he hadn’t gotten to see James at eighteen, but he put it aside. They had the rest of their lives to catch up on lost time, after all.

“So,” James whispered, as Dora began to sing along with the movie. “How long do you reckon until I have this all memorized?”

“Don’t tempt fate,” Teddy whispered back. “We can always hope she becomes obsessed with a _different_ princess film.” He looked down at James, his expression hard to read in the dim light from the screen. “We’re going to be watching _Cinderella_ a lot, James. It’s Dora’s favorite film. I hope you know what you’ve gotten yourself into.” He was trying to joke, but he could never hide his little anxieties from James, who grinned up at him, grabbing Teddy’s hand to pull his arm tighter around James’s shoulders.

“I do,” he said simply. “And I’m pretty happy with that decision.”

 

** Epilogue **   
_August 2041  
7 years later_

“Don’t you want me to be able to send you letters?”

James hid a smile as Teddy sighed, looping his arm with Dora’s.

“For the hundredth time,” Teddy said, “Hogwarts has plenty of school owls you can borrow. They’re all very reliable. We can also instruct Edwin to stick around for a day when we send you letters, so you can use him to post your replies. There’s no need for you to get an owl for school.”

“I bet everyone else is going to have one,” Dora said sulkily.

Teddy exchanged a glance with James over his daughter’s head. This had been an ongoing discussion for the past several weeks, ever since Dora had gotten her Hogwarts letter. James knew it seemed like they were being unreasonable, telling Dora she couldn’t get an owl even though Maddy had gotten one when she left for Hogwarts three years ago. (“And a new broom when she made the house team,” Teddy had complained the night Dora had received word from her friend. “Honestly, I could kick Louis, I really could.”) But they’d already arranged to get her a part-kneazle kitten from Neville and Hannah’s farm as a surprise, and they couldn’t send her to Hogwarts with two pets.

James knew she would forget all about wanting an owl as soon as she met the kitten. Unfortunately, it would be another week until he was old enough for them to pick him up, which meant another week of stalling. Even more difficult given their trip to Diagon Alley.

“Alright, we’ve got your wand. Still need to get robes, books, and potions supplies,” Teddy said. “Where to first?”

“Books! That’s obvious, Dad,” Dora said, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, _Dad,_ ” James teased from Teddy’s other side.

“ _James,_ ” Dora groaned, causing both him and Teddy to laugh. “Why are you both so embarrassing?”

“It’s our job,” Teddy said. “Flourish and Blotts it is.”

“Can I see your list?” James asked. Dora gave it to him and he unfolded it. “I swear this hasn’t changed since we were in school,” he said, showing it to Teddy. “ _The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1._ Do you suppose they ever revise that? Put out a new volume?”

“What is there to revise?” Teddy asked. “They’re first year spells.”

“Hey!” Dora frowned.

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way, I just meant it’s not like it’s defensive magic, it doesn’t really evolve or change like more advanced branches of magic do.”

Dora nodded, allowing that. “James, now that I have my wand, you need to teach me that trick with the pinecone.”

James glanced sideways at Teddy. “I don’t know, Dora–”

“You promised you would!”

“I said I’d teach it to you, I didn’t say when,” James hedged. “Let’s see how you do with some of those _standard spells_ and we’ll see about it, okay?”

Inside Flourish and Blotts, Dora grabbed a basket and began to weave her way through the crowded store, leaving Teddy and James to trail along behind her. Not being small, nimble, nor eleven, they ended up standing in the corner of two shelves, keeping an eye out for her hair – she’d decided that, as an incoming Hogwarts student, it was time to be mature and leave yellow behind, but the natural color she’d decided to copy was James’s auburn. “Possibly the least natural looking natural hair ever,” Teddy’d said. “I give it a week before she goes back to neons.”

“I can’t believe we’re Hogwarts shopping,” Teddy said now, crossing his arms across his chest. James rested a hand on his shoulder, rubbing with his thumb along the base of Teddy’s neck.

“I know,” James said quietly. “I can’t believe it either. But look how happy she is.”

“She’s going to have a great time,” Teddy admitted. “But I’m going to miss her a lot.”

“Me too. But we’ll make it through. And we’ll finally be able to fuck on the sofa.”

Teddy laughed. “Is that something you’ve been missing out on doing?”

“I dunno.” James shrugged. “Maybe.”

“I think we might be too old for that.”

“But we’re young at heart.”

“Dad!” Dora appeared in front of them, startling them out of their conversation. She reached out and grabbed Teddy’s hand. “I can’t reach one of my books over there. Can you help me?”

“Of course, Dora.”

Teddy let himself be led away, and James followed, smiling, after his family.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated. You can find me on tumblr @violetclarity.


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